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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
In my no tear newspaper routine, I "read" headlines from the paper that are funny. One's like "Hey, it says here that Whoopee Goldberg is going to marry actor Peter Cushing. She shall be called "Whoopie Cushing" Cushion)
Or "Lost one dog, Neutered, has mange, fleas, one eye and three legs. Answers to the name of Lucky." So, I have a couple more, but will stop here. Does anyone else have any comedy headlines or classified lines that you could share?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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The Donster Inner circle 4817 Posts |
Ok Parachute for Sale Only Used Once and Never Opened. You should like that one Doug.
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sniper1 Veteran user malta eu 343 Posts |
Used tombstone for sale, for someone named Peter Murphy
This one is for magicians : magician seeks wife, must be very patient, not afraid of the dark, not suffer from claustrophobia, good contorsionist, and realize that no matter what! She will always be second in his life.
THE MOST CRAZY MAGICIAN ON THE MALTESE ISLANDS
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Wolflock Inner circle South Africa 2257 Posts |
Vicious Guard Dog for Sale, Eats anything, loves children. Call ...
South African Brain for Sale, 1 Owner, Never been used. CNN, while proving that they were better than other News Stations, commented, "We have more live reporters than anyone else."
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle) South Africa |
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kOnO Special user 548 Posts |
A few Distorted Headlines you might like
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Farmer bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Child's stool great for use in garden If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while Two convicts evade noose, jury hung kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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The Donster Inner circle 4817 Posts |
How about a Weather Forecast it will be Chili Today and Hot Tamale
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The Mirror Images Inner circle Michigan/USA 1980 Posts |
Iraqes new slogan. I saw I conquare, IRAN
State bird for the middle east...DUCK!!! This is the best...but there could be better. Michael
Steven and Michael, The Mirror Images
The MOST Identical Twin Illusionist http://www.themirrorimages.com Check out our latest new effect - Liquid Steel NEW - MotoBox NEW - MotoMation NEW - Voyager |
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CamelotFX Special user Minnesota 596 Posts |
From the ad department:
"All-weather tires - Slashed!" "Two-piece bathing suits - 50% Off!" |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Most of these are pretty galluptious! Keep 'em coming!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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Belleque New user 81 Posts |
Special report - Local Police station robbed of 20 toilet seats. Officers say they have nothing to go on!
Okay it's as old as the hills but it had to be posted! |
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The Mighty Fool Inner circle I feel like a big-top tent having 2140 Posts |
Wanted: Young men and women for orange grove work. Needed to pick oranges and produce at night.
Braille dictionary....must see to appreciate Wanted: Man, possibly woman, definitely ugly
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-01-22 03:21, Belleque wrote: I love it. It's IN!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers ............
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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The Donster Inner circle 4817 Posts |
What do you get when you cross a collie with a pitbull? You get a dog that bites you then runs for help.
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olivertwist Special user Nashua, NH 588 Posts |
Belleque,
The toilet seat joke may be old but I use it all the time too. It always gets a laugh. Weather report: Cloudy today but sunny tonight. Oliver |
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tenyoguy New user Belfast/Northern Ireland 12 Posts |
'Man on bridge found covered in sprinkles. Police say he tried to top himself.'
Alan
"There is no doubt, it must be witchcraft!"
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Lyndel Inner circle wrote the theme to the TV show COPS! 1623 Posts |
Viagra truck hijacked. Police seek hardened criminals.
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.....
Man is fatally slain ...... Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say ......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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kOnO Special user 548 Posts |
To announce seat belt legislation:
"Belt your family. It's the law."
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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