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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Table hoppers & party strollers » » "Can you make my wife disappear??" (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Chris Jones
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These are some funny heckler come backs guys. I hate it when I get interupted with these comments so I usually answer, "It's not your wife you got to worry about, it's your brother who has been on a spit roast with her." He usually smiles knowingly at this point. 1 point to the magiciain!!

Criss
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flourish dude
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Tell them they should spent their time on the Café!
Nothing of the same will bring any change, take action today!
Just taking a step, is a step in the right direction because when you stop working, your dream dies.
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Cory Gallupe
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I get questions asked like this all the time. Can you make my sister dissapear? Are you going to saw me in half? Can you make money appear? Can you fly like that guy on tv? Can you make my money dissapear? (Dont know why they would ask that...) Make sure your cards don't fall out of your sleeve. Those are some common ones, but like everyone here, we are always asked many funny, weird, stupid questions! that's why magic can be so fun, and difficult at the same time.
Here is a come back actually used by a famous magician. (Hes famous, yet I forget his name...) I don't recommend using it, but this is it. He was performing for a late night crowd, people were drinking and getting a little tipsy. Near the end, he was getting fed up from all the hecklers shouting out curse words and making his night a bad one. The man was a little overweight, and a man yelled out. "Why are you soo fat?" To which the magician replied. "Because everytime I F*** you mom she gives me a cookie!" That shut everyone up! I heard this on magicbroadcast, and my dad was doing some work beside me while I was listning, and he found it interesting so he was listning as well. As soon as this was said he was laughing his head off. To this day we still chuckle about it. I forget the interview name, but it was soo funny. The stories this guy had were great!
Federico Soldati
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Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you Smile
Eduardo
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Quote:
On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you Smile
Eduardo
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Quote:
On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you Smile


If she is hot, you can tell the guy, Yes I can eat her... if she is ugly, you just say: each one have what deserve... or simply say, lets the magic takes place... or... yhea!!!! I saw you with that guy, yesterday!!!!
echomagic
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I try to make sure I do not embarass or upset either one of them with my reply. My standard line is, "I'm sorry, I'm not that good yet."

I do that with the "can you make my check disappear" comment also. Not exactly the perfect comeback but I would rather take a safer, high road.
jay leslie
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It's 200 up-front.. (hold out hand).. and, I'll get back to you.
I like magic so much... I might take it up as a hobby!

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Bad to the Balloon
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"Actually she has a deposit on you ... we spoke earlier"
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General_Magician
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Quote:
On 2005-03-15 21:21, hocopoco wrote:
People ask me this question (or variations thereof) all the time during walkaround and restaurant work. I have a couple of good/useable retorts, but.....

What is your best...funniest....response?


I don't know if this is my best, funniest response; but it is a response I use a lot: "What do I look like? Moses? I'm a magician, not Moses performing miracles!" I usually try not to bust on the customers or create humor at the customer's expense when replying to such questions.
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Marc Woods
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The thing with this question is, I don't want to "shut them up" because they are actually going along with my performance.
Off course the guy doesn't realize he is the 12th to ask the same question that evening.

I always try to reply in a respectful way for all people:

"I can make people disappear, but the thing is you never know where you'll end up."
"I could make her disappear but that would be a pity *wink to her*."

The guy is insulting his own wife, by replying with weight jokes his wife is insulted again so I would only insult him if I would do that in the first place.

I like this one:

"She asked me the same question earlier this evenening."

That looks best of both worlds to me...
Magic with a bite!
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scalito
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I usually say 'right after I make my Mother-in-law disappear'!!!
Alym Amlani
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I find that there is no good answer to this, no matter what you say, it's already an uncomfortable situation. He has put her in a bad spot by making the joke, and has made himself look bad too. I do find that the line that does work best in this situation is to shrug, and say, sir, with an attitude like that, I won't have to.

Having said that, I love the idea of having some stock lines already 'predicted'.
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Jumbopenny
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Yes, I can. I perform that in my grand illusion show. Tickets are $10,000. You got 10 grand?
brehan
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holland
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I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
brehan
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I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
Decomposed
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Quote:
On 2011-12-19 03:24, brehan wrote:
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!


:)
MJ Marrs
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I've always liked Alain Nu's response the best; which goes something like: "Sir, I need all the audience I can get!"
VE Day
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This wife or your other one?
MagicJuggler
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I could, but I'd need a shovel and some quick lime.

(depending on how the wife reacts to the request) I think she may be thinking of doing that already.

Why? Did the insurance policy get approved?

If I can't make MY wife dissapear, what makes you think I'll have any more luck with yours?
Matthew Olsen
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www.nightmagicshow.com

I heard from a friend that anecdotal evidence is actually quite reliable.
Magicmike221
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Don't know wether or not its been said but for the past 12 yrs my Response has been......
"Been trying that with my wife for the past 25 yrs ....& she's still there!!"
Adam1975
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Can you make my wife disappear ?
Just carry on being yourself sir,she`ll vanish soon enough. Smile
Ive upped my standards.Now,up yours!
djurmann
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Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..
55Hudson
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Quote:
On 2011-12-26 18:46, djurmann wrote:
Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..


Best answer ever!

Hudson
Tim Dowd
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...Making the Magic Happen!
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Magicians don't make things disappear, they make things invisible.... You don't want that do you?
Timothy Dowd
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These are my points of view; I accept no responsibility for your interpretation of what I just said...
jugglestruck
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I always thought that a good response to "Can you make my wife disappear" or any of the similar comments so often made is to genuinely laugh like you have never heard it before.
People often say things like this because they are nervous or they want to make an impression on their friends and they are looking for a laugh - why not give it to them? By all means after you have laughed look at the wife and shrug and say "What can you do?" or whatever but maybe give the guy his moment of glory.

Six months ago my girlfriend broke her arm and after it was plastered in hospital the doctor said to rest it for 6 weeks. I said "But who's going to do the washing up?". He laughed as he got with his notes. Afterwards my girlfriend said "How often do you think he has heard that before?"
Of course he had heard that before, countless times probably, though to me it was a new experience just as seeing a magician is a unique experience for most people too.

I once watched a stand-up comedian get heckled by someone and the heckle was very funny. Instead of putting him down the comedian just said "Now you are a funny guy!". It was a really nice moment.

I'm not saying it is the only way to go but maybe, before leaping in with a riposte, just let the spectator have his moment when he makes a funny.
dduane
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I think I'm going to use jugglestruck's reaction followed by Tim's comment. Sometimes I say, "Come on now... won't you miss that pretty face?"
Dorianmagic
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[quote]On 2005-03-15 22:08, Lee Darrow wrote:
"Hey! This is Chicago - ANYBODY can disappear for only $50! Of course, in MY neighborhood, it's down to $19.95 - and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives!"

Thanks Lee, that's one of the best I've heard
JamieUK
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Make him a blindfold out of a table napkin, then continue with the show?
Eduardo
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Just say "YES WE CAN..."
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