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Chris Jones
Veteran user
363 Posts
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Posted: Jan 14, 2006 7:43pm
These are some funny heckler come backs guys. I hate it when I get interupted with these comments so I usually answer, "It's not your wife you got to worry about, it's your brother who has been on a spit roast with her." He usually smiles knowingly at this point. 1 point to the magiciain!!
Criss
chuckle chuckle vision..
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flourish dude
Inner circle
from ? But I know where I am going!
1195 Posts
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Posted: Jan 15, 2006 3:29pm
Tell them they should spent their time on the Café!
Nothing of the same will bring any change, take action today!
Just taking a step, is a step in the right direction because when you stop working, your dream dies.
www.magicalmemories.us
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Cory Gallupe
Inner circle
Nova Scotia, Canada
1279 Posts
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Posted: Jan 15, 2006 4:53pm
I get questions asked like this all the time. Can you make my sister dissapear? Are you going to saw me in half? Can you make money appear? Can you fly like that guy on tv? Can you make my money dissapear? (Dont know why they would ask that...) Make sure your cards don't fall out of your sleeve. Those are some common ones, but like everyone here, we are always asked many funny, weird, stupid questions! that's why magic can be so fun, and difficult at the same time.
Here is a come back actually used by a famous magician. (Hes famous, yet I forget his name...) I don't recommend using it, but this is it. He was performing for a late night crowd, people were drinking and getting a little tipsy. Near the end, he was getting fed up from all the hecklers shouting out curse words and making his night a bad one. The man was a little overweight, and a man yelled out. "Why are you soo fat?" To which the magician replied. "Because everytime I F*** you mom she gives me a cookie!" That shut everyone up! I heard this on magicbroadcast, and my dad was doing some work beside me while I was listning, and he found it interesting so he was listning as well. As soon as this was said he was laughing his head off. To this day we still chuckle about it. I forget the interview name, but it was soo funny. The stories this guy had were great!
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Federico Soldati
Regular user
Switzerland
121 Posts
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Posted: Dec 4, 2011 5:20pm
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you 
www.federicosoldati.com
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Eduardo
Veteran user
302 Posts
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Posted: Dec 4, 2011 5:38pm
Quote:
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On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you
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http://www.eduardofernandes.com
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Eduardo
Veteran user
302 Posts
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Posted: Dec 4, 2011 5:45pm
Quote:
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On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you
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If she is hot, you can tell the guy, Yes I can eat her... if she is ugly, you just say: each one have what deserve... or simply say, lets the magic takes place... or... yhea!!!! I saw you with that guy, yesterday!!!!
http://www.eduardofernandes.com
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echomagic
Veteran user
344 Posts
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Posted: Dec 4, 2011 8:31pm
I try to make sure I do not embarass or upset either one of them with my reply. My standard line is, "I'm sorry, I'm not that good yet."
I do that with the "can you make my check disappear" comment also. Not exactly the perfect comeback but I would rather take a safer, high road.
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jay leslie
V.I.P.
southern california
6326 Posts
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Posted: Dec 5, 2011 3:04pm
It's 200 up-front.. (hold out hand).. and, I'll get back to you.
http://www.TheHouseOfEnchantment.com our 75th year
The one and only www.miraclemagiccompany.com/
And you know what they say - if it works... it's a Miracle!
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Bad to the Balloon
Inner circle
Clearwater Florida
2071 Posts
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Posted: Dec 5, 2011 3:44pm
"Actually she has a deposit on you ... we spoke earlier"
Mark Byrne
AKA Mark the Balloon Guy
As seen on the TODAY SHOW
www.balloonguy.net
Creator of Bad to the Balloon DVD series
Go to my store: http://tinyurl.com/Bad2theBalloon
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General_Magician
Elite user
United States
464 Posts
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Posted: Dec 5, 2011 5:53pm
Quote:
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On 2005-03-15 21:21, hocopoco wrote:
People ask me this question (or variations thereof) all the time during walkaround and restaurant work. I have a couple of good/useable retorts, but.....
What is your best...funniest....response?
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I don't know if this is my best, funniest response; but it is a response I use a lot: "What do I look like? Moses? I'm a magician, not Moses performing miracles!" I usually try not to bust on the customers or create humor at the customer's expense when replying to such questions.
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is a light shining somewhere nearby." -unknown
Company Website
Facebook Business Page
Twitter Business Page
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Marc Woods
Regular user
The Netherlands
109 Posts
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Posted: Dec 10, 2011 8:24am
The thing with this question is, I don't want to "shut them up" because they are actually going along with my performance.
Off course the guy doesn't realize he is the 12th to ask the same question that evening.
I always try to reply in a respectful way for all people:
"I can make people disappear, but the thing is you never know where you'll end up."
"I could make her disappear but that would be a pity *wink to her*."
The guy is insulting his own wife, by replying with weight jokes his wife is insulted again so I would only insult him if I would do that in the first place.
I like this one:
"She asked me the same question earlier this evenening."
That looks best of both worlds to me...
Magic with a bite!
www.marcwoods.nl
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scalito
New user
76 Posts
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Posted: Dec 10, 2011 10:47am
I usually say 'right after I make my Mother-in-law disappear'!!!
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Alym Amlani
Inner circle
Canada
1428 Posts
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Posted: Dec 11, 2011 3:22am
I find that there is no good answer to this, no matter what you say, it's already an uncomfortable situation. He has put her in a bad spot by making the joke, and has made himself look bad too. I do find that the line that does work best in this situation is to shrug, and say, sir, with an attitude like that, I won't have to.
Having said that, I love the idea of having some stock lines already 'predicted'.
Check out my new and improved website:
www.logicdefied.com
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Jumbopenny
Loyal user
Bay Area, Northern California USA
206 Posts
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Posted: Dec 11, 2011 4:24am
Yes, I can. I perform that in my grand illusion show. Tickets are $10,000. You got 10 grand?
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brehan
Veteran user
holland
393 Posts
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Posted: Dec 19, 2011 3:24am
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
Out now hellstroms secret!
THE secret weapon for non contact mindreading for mentalist/bizarre magick and magicians use it on stage or even table hopping.
If you want to know more send me a pm
Thanks for reading Owen
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brehan
Veteran user
holland
393 Posts
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Posted: Dec 19, 2011 5:01am
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
Out now hellstroms secret!
THE secret weapon for non contact mindreading for mentalist/bizarre magick and magicians use it on stage or even table hopping.
If you want to know more send me a pm
Thanks for reading Owen
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Decomposed
Eternal Order
Cannot See
10612 Posts
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Posted: Dec 19, 2011 11:42pm
Quote:
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On 2011-12-19 03:24, brehan wrote:
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
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90 seconds of pure laughs without a standing ovation!
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MJ Marrs
Special user
Los Angeles
840 Posts
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Posted: Dec 21, 2011 5:12pm
I've always liked Alain Nu's response the best; which goes something like: "Sir, I need all the audience I can get!"
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VE Day
New user
LONDON, England, UK
91 Posts
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Posted: Dec 21, 2011 6:51pm
This wife or your other one?
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MagicJuggler
Special user
Anchorage, AK
918 Posts
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Posted: Dec 23, 2011 6:50am
I could, but I'd need a shovel and some quick lime.
(depending on how the wife reacts to the request) I think she may be thinking of doing that already.
Why? Did the insurance policy get approved?
If I can't make MY wife dissapear, what makes you think I'll have any more luck with yours?
Matthew Olsen
www.mattolsenmagic.com
I heard from a friend that anecdotal evidence is actually quite reliable.
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Magicmike221
Elite user
Manchester UK
435 Posts
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Posted: Dec 23, 2011 8:49am
Don't know wether or not its been said but for the past 12 yrs my Response has been......
"Been trying that with my wife for the past 25 yrs ....& she's still there!!"
http://www.mikesmagic.co.uk
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Adam1975
Special user
UK
889 Posts
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Posted: Dec 23, 2011 1:29pm
Can you make my wife disappear ?
Just carry on being yourself sir,she`ll vanish soon enough. 
Ive upped my standards.Now,up yours!
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djurmann
Inner circle
1270 Posts
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Posted: Dec 26, 2011 6:46pm
Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..
- Ignorant but seeking.
- "All done by kindness."
- Fellowship across differnces
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55Hudson
Elite user
Minneapolis/Omaha
407 Posts
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Posted: Dec 27, 2011 12:27am
Quote:
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On 2011-12-26 18:46, djurmann wrote:
Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..
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Best answer ever!
Hudson
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Tim Dowd
Special user
...Making the Magic Happen!
753 Posts
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Posted: Dec 27, 2011 2:43am
Magicians don't make things disappear, they make things invisible.... You don't want that do you?
Timothy Dowd
...Making the Magic Happen!
http://www.timothydowd.de
http://vimeo.com/channels/mymagic
These are my points of view; I accept no responsibility for your interpretation of what I just said...
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jugglestruck
Special user
Wales
947 Posts
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Posted: Dec 29, 2011 10:50am
I always thought that a good response to "Can you make my wife disappear" or any of the similar comments so often made is to genuinely laugh like you have never heard it before.
People often say things like this because they are nervous or they want to make an impression on their friends and they are looking for a laugh - why not give it to them? By all means after you have laughed look at the wife and shrug and say "What can you do?" or whatever but maybe give the guy his moment of glory.
Six months ago my girlfriend broke her arm and after it was plastered in hospital the doctor said to rest it for 6 weeks. I said "But who's going to do the washing up?". He laughed as he got with his notes. Afterwards my girlfriend said "How often do you think he has heard that before?"
Of course he had heard that before, countless times probably, though to me it was a new experience just as seeing a magician is a unique experience for most people too.
I once watched a stand-up comedian get heckled by someone and the heckle was very funny. Instead of putting him down the comedian just said "Now you are a funny guy!". It was a really nice moment.
I'm not saying it is the only way to go but maybe, before leaping in with a riposte, just let the spectator have his moment when he makes a funny.
www.jugglestruck.co.uk
www.lukecloseupmagician.com
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dduane
Special user
Bridgewater, MA
556 Posts
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Posted: Dec 29, 2011 10:58pm
I think I'm going to use jugglestruck's reaction followed by Tim's comment. Sometimes I say, "Come on now... won't you miss that pretty face?"
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Dorianmagic
New user
59 Posts
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Posted: Jan 3, 2012 10:05am
[quote]
On 2005-03-15 22:08, Lee Darrow wrote:
"Hey! This is Chicago - ANYBODY can disappear for only $50! Of course, in MY neighborhood, it's down to $19.95 - and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives!"
Thanks Lee, that's one of the best I've heard
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JamieUK
Regular user
118 Posts
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Posted: Jan 13, 2012 8:23am
Make him a blindfold out of a table napkin, then continue with the show?
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Eduardo
Veteran user
302 Posts
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Posted: Jan 13, 2012 2:20pm
Just say "YES WE CAN..."
http://www.eduardofernandes.com
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