During breakfast, you faro shuffle your pancakes, and side steal the bottom one....

How did you know about that? I only did it once!

Bill, it's easier to do before you add the butter & syrup...

Posted: Oct 31, 2005 12:54pm

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At work, you correctly predict what donut flavor your co-workers will choose...

- it takes you 20 minutes to unload your pockets before going through airport security.

You only have 52 friends, 54 actually, but two of them are allways joking around...

You thought the Curly shuffle used playing cards....

NOW you tell me!

Rather than retype or even copy and paste, here's some on my website: http://my.voyager.net/~tomk/magician.html

You spend your last $20 on the Godfather dvd, and there is no magic at all in there..... ...

You were dissappointed because Matrix Revolutions had nothing about coins

You tell your kids something is gone, they tell you to pull it out of their ear.

You love being held up at traffic lights because it gives you a few minutes to practice the snap change.

You have a spare deck of cards in your backpack or in the glove compartment.

When you have 2 quarters and a dollar bill, you purchase something with a dollar for 75cents so you can get a 3rd quarter to do mr. clean coins across (I do this all the time)

You carry a gimmicked bill in your wallet.

- Your decks all have people's names written on the cards because you can't afford to give away the cards.

- Your trash is full of cards that are all folded the same way.

- You see magnificently beautiful women in very little clothing onstage and are more interested in trying to figure out how the trick works.

- The mailman knows you by name but still calls you "Houdini".

- You have chronic hemmorhoids from reading magic magazines and practicing tricks on the toilet for hours at a time.

- You don't smoke but write off hundreds of dollars in lighter fluid each year at tax time.

- You also enjoy ham radio, tropical fish, comic books, action figures, Civil War re-enactments, Dungeons & Dragons, Star Trek (all generations), Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and like to argue about Mac vs. Windows operating systems.

- You throw a baseball like a girl using the wrong hand but can throw a playing card through a piece of wet plywood.

- You don't smoke but have dozens of matches hidden in various places throughout your tuxedo jacket.

- The Cups and Balls have nothing to do with athletic protective equipment.

- You aren't married and don't have any kids but you buy hundreds of diapers just to get the slush powder out of them.

- You've memorized that X-Files that had Ricky Jay and Jonathan Levit on it.

- You can't name the Vice President of The United States but know Max Maven's real name.

- You've made dozens of lists of potential personalized license plates relating to magic in some way.

- You have a personalized license plate that is magic related but don't like it that much because the one you REALLY wanted was already taken.

- You know that Desenex is the only off-the-shelf powder that works as a fanning powder.

- You've spent more money trying to make a trick yourself that you could buy for one tenth what you spent.

- You think a toilet float would make a nifty Zombie.

- You've used those cardboard stick-like things on pants hangers you get from the cleaners as cheap magic wands.

- You go to McDonalds and try to get little kids to throw you those plastic balls from the ball pits they play in because they work perfectly for Strat-o-Speheres.

...you are the only wearing a straigth jacket in July!

...it's 2:30am and you are waiting 15 minutes for browsing the pages on The Café', and when finally appear the page "Not Found!", you try again!

....you are the only one wearing a strait jacket and when you escape its considered an art!

The cards you play poker with are grimy and dog-eared but there are 25 unopened packs in the cupboard.

You have to play cards with a stripper deck because your bikes are for PRACTICE ONLY!!

You might be an old magician if you remember Shagundala!

- when your family wants to play cards and you spend half an hour going thru all your decks of cards looking for a full deck
- when your family asks you to eat with your fingers on Christmas dinner, in order to keep the silverware in their original shape
- if a gimmick isn't something an infomercial does to try to get you to buy something
- if the first thing you do when trying on a new suit or sports coat is to see if the outside coat pockets are sewn shut and then secondly to try to figure out if they really are pockets at all without ripping them open.

You roast the Thanksgiving turkey in your Burned Alive illusion....

You have to check your change with a magnet and a bang ring before buying a soda.

You can make money appear out of thin air, but still can't pay your bills.

You have a rabbit and two doves, and you don't even really like rabbits or birds.

You look at two hot twin girls and think of magic tricks instead of crazy sex.

You spent more on magic tricks than on your car (Oh god I'm really a magician!)

Almost everything you see in a dollar store you think could be used for magic tricks.

The people at your local thrift stores actually put aside strange junk just for you.

You can't go on vacation with your girlfriend or a wife for a week without dying to check your message here on the Café.

You justify the thousands of dollars you've spent on magic here since the stuff was used and cheaper than retail.

You've bought 10 stage illusions because the price was right, but you have no idea when you'll be hired to do a stage show, or even if you will ever perform them.

Your wife or girlfriend has threatened to cancel your credit cards due to magical overspending, and you started counting her shoes to justify your own purchases.

Your hired to do a magical birthday party for 100$ and the week before, you spend
200$ on new magic "getting ready" for the show.

You find 20$ in the pockets of an old pair of pants, and you instantly think "NEW TRICKS!"

You have over 50 decks of cards, and you don't even particularly like card tricks.

While in a casino, you notice some of the dealers tossing decks of cards, and you instantly think of free card nirvana, an entire room or warehouse filled with cards, even though again, you don't particularly even like card tricks.

You do kids shows, even though you have no children of your own because you hate the little brats.

You hate winter simply because the heating cost cuts into your magic trick money.

You hate summer because the air conditioning cuts into your magic trick money.

At christmas, you ask your spouse for magic tricks when you have an entire room full of them already.

While out on the town with your girlfriend or wife, someone recognizes you and asks to see some magic. You explain you can't because you don't really have anything with you,and you then proceed to do 60 minutes of impromptu magic.

You have at least 10 magic tricks you got in the mail or at a shop that you never even opened or read the instructions in full, yet you keep buying new ones.

And finally, you read this entire list and thought "yeah that's me!" more than 10 times.

Steven