For the office, if you have a sarcastic type attitude, this approach may work for you.
(Pretending he wasnt very clear or "giving" in his answers)-
"Where do you work?"
"An office."
"Wow thank you that was very descriptive.The Police must have a jolly time with you. Where do you live? A House. What do you drive? A four wheeler. Its a good thing they didn't put you on the job to find Huessain (?) Where did you see him? In Iraq. What did he look like? Dark skinned, definitely WASNT an Irish man."


(you again)
"No that's a good idea, keep this information secret, your boss might be here and find out your not working. I'm sure hes out there now going, man that guy looks familiar, but alas, maybe he has a twin that works in an office as well."



For the office, if you have a sarcastic type attitude, this approach may work for you.
(Pretending he wasn’t very clear or "giving" in his answers)-
"Where do you work?"
"An office."
"Wow thank you that was very descriptive.
The Police must have a jolly time with you.
Where do you live? A House.
What do you drive? A four-wheeler.
It’s a good thing they didn't put you on the job to find Hussein (?)
Where did you see him? In Iraq.
What did he look like? Dark skinned, definitely WASNT an Irish man."

(You again)
"No that's a good idea, keep this information secret, your boss might be here and find out your not working. I'm sure he’s out there now going, man that guy looks familiar, but alas, maybe he has a twin that works in an office as well."

"Oh sure, don't let the magi know where we work, who knows what he could do with THAT incredible information!" "Like I going to go stalk you on the job, that's me the office stalker. You got your pencil pushers, computer types, and then there's me, I stand outside your window and just stare at you, watching you in your cubicle, wondering why I couldn't make it successful like you.

Why I had to choose the route I took and couldn't do well on my SAT's and get into Princeton so I can sing that stupid Princeton song, (Doo a diddle) 'We go to Princeton and you don't ha-ha-ha-hah' well fine go ahead and mock me see what I care you jerk!!!" (Walk off stage)

C'mon George, don't tell me you’re already out of ideas. Let’s put our heads together on this one. Not because it does anything but boy does it feel cozy!

These are kind of on the subject: signs for various businesses:

- Septic Tank Truck sign reads: “We’re #1 in the #2 Business.”

- Sign over gynecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

- On a maternity room door: “Push! – Push! – Push!”

- In a veterinarians waiting room: “Be back in 4 minutes. Sit! Stay!

- Radiator shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

Port-o-let the official toilet of Woodstock, taking your poop for over 25 years.

An accountant is merely an undertaker, with the charisma removed

Why are lawyers buried in 10' (feet) graves? Because deep down they are nice people.

A lawyer is the only person who can write a 10,000-word document and call it a 'brief'.

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
- One to do it, and 5 more to 'share the experience'.

How many rich girls does it take to change a light bulb?
- None they just say 'daddy, I need a new apartment'.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, they call a workman in and then accuse him with sexual harassment
(I made that one up.)

I became a psychiatrist because I wanted to join a profession where the customer was always wrong.

I went on holiday last week and sent my analyst a postcard saying 'having a great time - wish you were here to tell me why.'

HAHAHAHHA I love it,
The analyst one could work with wife too!

"You never get anything right," complained the teacher.
"What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school?"
"Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV." ...

Check out Al Murray for inspiration, very funny UK Comic.

M:C

Thanks, God Glorified. (Wow, what a signature!)

A magician tried to make his mark in the world of magic, but his bookings became fewer and fewer. Eventually he joined a circus, and was given the job of following the elephants around and cleaning up behind them.

Another magician saw him one day and said to him, "This is so demeaning. Why don't you quit?"

The first magician said, "What, and get out of show business?"

Good morning, sir. I'm applying for the job as handyman.
I see. Well, are you handy?
Couldn't be more so. I only live next door.

Magicgeorge, the "film at 11" reference was with regard to the photography jokes above it. It refers to the medium of camera film, specifically 35mm, 120, 110, etc. Egads, your question is starting to make me feel old.

I'm reminded of the joke where a little girl was nagging her grandmother for something. The grandmother finally had enough and told the little girl to be quiet, as she was starting to sound like a broken record. The little girls response? "What's a record?"

Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
Dracula's dentist. ...

"I went to the dentist yesterday...all he did was suck blood from my neck! Never go see Dr. Acula, it was horrible!"
-Mitch Hedberg

~Jonathan

My dentist joined the army, and his job is now Drill Sargeant...

When you ask them and they tell you, act as if you didn't hear them and say, "Sorry?"

Then when they repeat their profession louder, say:"I know. I heard you. I'm just sorry.!"

I'm an engineer coming from a family of engineers.

How do we know god is an engineer?
Only an engineer would put a waste removal system in the same place as a recreational area.

I got a job as a human cannonball, and was hired and fired in the same night...

Why was the tired gigalo always running all over town? He was getting pretty behind in his work!

A clynim original!

Magi: What do you do for a living?
Guest: I'm a bill collector.
Magi: Yeah? Stop calling me!!

Heard this one from a Scott Ginn DVD. What's the difference between a pizza and a magician? A pizza can actually feed a family of four!

When I was young my dad said he'd like me to become of magician.
I told him I wanted to be a bum. So we compromised,
I became a bum magician.