It looks like the Red Sox in four,
Not the team but the pairs on my floor,
At the walls I do flick 'em,
And if they stick then,
I decide not to wear them no more.

next:

I wish I hadn't grown a beard,

Amazing limericks George... here is a tribute to you


I wish I hadn't grown me a beard
said George, who looks rather weird
what he'd done he didn't know
to the kids at his show
who from him are horribly feared

next:

George could write limericks for money

George could write limericks for money
and so could corona, landmark and NI(r)
for all that you need
is a bag full of W***
and a couple of hours a day.

(I'm not condoning w*** use or saying anyone here smokes, just thought it made a great rhyme)

My mom would disown me for that...

My mom would disown me for that,
She won't allow w*** in the flat,
One of her bugbears,
Is the taking of drugs, there,
Ever since I fed hash to her cat.

next:

Nir's puzzles make my head sore,

Nir's puzzles make my head sore,
I'll just have a go at one more,
then I must stop,
or my brain will pop,
and make a mess on the floor.




Two little birdies go Tweet,

Two little birdies go Tweet
A sound that is really quite neet
But the cat had a smile
that stayed quite a while
and the kitty was in the catbird seat

The toilet bowl water is rising

The toilet bowl water is rising,
I find this quite surprising,
I killed Basil Brush,
I thought he would flush,
My disposal technique needs revising.

next:

A girl with a duck on her head,

A girl with a duck on her head
wanted someone to go with to bed
she tried a cat and a frog
and even a dog
but decided on the zoo guard instead

(could have made it nastier but I leave those for George...)

next:

my front zipper was open a bit

My front zipper was open a bit,
unfortunately I wanted a ....poo,
I tried to take aim,
but down my trousers it came,
now my socks are covered in...it.


A man on my street declared war...

A man on my street declared war,
With the family in number 24,
He made them quite sick,
With a collection of tricks,
Like posting Corona's socks through their door.

After eating 4 tins of baked beans

After eating 4 tins of baked beans
I couldn't wear my old jeans
my friends told me "YES"
release some more gas
then I could eat the chop-suey greens

next:

I love my spiders deep fried


-------
was beaten by a matter of minutes by george for the previous limerick so I thought I might keep it...

A man on the street declared war
"we don't want to see more that hardcore!"
but it was all just a waste
he was quite double faced
since they caught him a few times with a ***

"I love my spiders deep fried,
with worms in honey on the side,
then for desert,
I like pickled shirt"!
and those were the last words he cried.

There was a young man from Cheam...

There was a young man from Cheam,
Who jumped into a vat of whipped cream,
"It's no mere trifle,
You get quite an eyefull,
When it goes pasturize", he would beam.

An old fellow from Stoke-on-trent

An old fellow from Stoke-on-trent
was quite angry and seemed hell-bent
for he saw that his daughter
had married a squatter
and was spending their life in a tent.

I just came home from work

An old fellow from Stoke-on-trent,
couldn't afford the rent,
so the bailiffs came round,
and slapped him around,
now he lives in a tent.

Did you hear about Chan Canasta?

Ha!
Alternate rhyme was Kent.

Did you hear about dear Chan Canasta?
His wife loved it fasta and fasta
Poor Chan was so tired,
But his wife was still wired
There was no way that he could out lasta


Hillary, Cheney and Bush

Hillary, Cheney and Bush,
are in a terrible rush,
"We'll save you we will,
from the axis of evil,
whilst turning your brains to mush".



Superman is on the dole,

Superman is on the dole,
The years have taken their toll,
He can't fly now, sadly,
Since he landed quite badly,
And one of his testicles swoll.

next:

Governor Arnold Shwarzenegger

Governor Arnold Shwarzenegger,
once sat on and squashed a beggar,
the autocue said,
"He vos better ov dead",
so he read it out ledder by ledder.


The current administration...