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drkptrs1975 Elite user North Eastern PA 452 Posts |
Q) Do you know how a Digitial Camera is like a Magician.
A) They don't do exposure. Q) How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb. A) 4 One to think of an effect, one to think of a routine, and the one to pick assistants and one to perform the effect Q) Who is it that does not even think of going to the emergency room after loosing a thumb A) A Magician |
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Donal Chayce Inner circle 1770 Posts |
Quote:
On 2008-12-19 17:46, drkptrs1975 wrote: Seven: 1 to change the bulb; 4 to tell him that he flashed; and 2 to tell everyone else how he did it. |
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Dynamike Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts |
Q) What do you call a black man who performs magic as a living in his state?
A) A "magician" you racist! |
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jocdoc Inner circle Carlsbad, CA 1183 Posts |
Did you hear about the magician that was driving down the road? He turned into a driveway!
Life is an improv. The game goes on...
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"
"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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MarceloElGrande New user 78 Posts |
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During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excellent!!!
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." (Steve Martin)
"We are all amateurs, life is too short for us to be anything else" (Charlie Chaplin) |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
Q: A fellow with a rabbit in a hat pin on his lapel and a fellow with a magic wand under his arm are waiting for a cab. Which one is the magician?
A: The cab driver. When I was a child my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said "A Magician". She said, "You can't do both". I told my mother "You know, I've half a mind to become a professional magician". She said "That should do"...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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rick727 Regular user Houston, TX, USA 188 Posts |
I use this joke as an opener (I have been telling it for years!)
This guy was walking one day when he saw a frog. The frog said, "Hey mister, I'm really a princess. If you kiss me I will turn back into a princess and you will be a prince." The guy said, "Coooolllllll", put the frog in his pocket and walked on down the road. A little while later he took the frog out and looked at it again. This time the frog said, "Really, I'm a princess. If you kiss me you will be a prince and you will be rich." The guy said, "Coooolllllll", put the frog in his pocket and walked on down the road. A little while he took the frog out again. This time the frog said, "Hey mister, whats up? Why won't you kiss me?". The guy said, "Look, I'm a close-up magician. I'm not interested in being a prince, or being rich. But a talking frog, now that's Coooolllllll." After the laughter dies down I say, "Would you like to see something cool?", then I start in with my routines. Usually when specs react to my magic someone will say "Coooolllllll", if not then I do. It is a good call back.
Practice what you present.
Present what you practice. |
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Rotten Special user 829 Posts |
A friend of mine does the frog joke joke. She uses a little old man and a frog that promises pleasures. Clever way of changing an old joke up Rick.
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
A juggler is sent to hell for his sins.
As he is being taken to his place of eternal torment, he sees a magician doing card tricks for a couple of beautiful woman. "What a rip-off," the juggler muttered. I have to roast for all of eternity, and that magician gets to spend his time doing card tricks for beautiful women!" Jabbing the juggler with his pitchfork, Satan snarled: "Who are you to question these women's punishment?"...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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AaronishMagic Special user 635 Posts |
What's the size of my magic wand?
Now for the people who actually laugh.... |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
If Houdini were alive today, what would he be famous for?
He'd be the oldest man alive...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Magic Enhancer Inner circle Robert Haas 1805 Posts |
If Houdini were alive today, what would he be doing?
Scratching the inside of his coffin!
Robert Haas
Magic Enhancer Quality magic products for the working professional. www.MagicEnhancer.com |
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georgecoolla New user Canada 80 Posts |
LOL, Enhancer I like your lines!
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JFmagic New user Ithaca, NY 75 Posts |
I got one I read once," Penn and teller are like a married couple, only one of them gets to talk!"
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Revel Rob New user Toronto 50 Posts |
I say this for younger college aged audiences who I feel won't be offended (maybe they gave a "Holy S#!t" after one of my effects):
If I'm ever asked "Hey, do you have a rabbit?" or something similar, I respond with: "Yes, I do. His name is 'Penis' and I can make him disappear... and re-appear... and disappear... and re-appear... and he goes faster and faster until he throws up and passes out for about 20 minutes and he's good to go again" |
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MagicKingdom10 Veteran user 316 Posts |
Thank you for sharing that hilarious opener Rick, I love it!
It is an effective way to establish rapport and lighten up the atmosphere before the magic begins. Very clever
I Love You God
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B.W. McCarron Loyal user Seattle, WA USA 262 Posts |
A Las Vegas magician and his swimsuit model wife decide to adopt a baby. With all the mind-blowing chemicals in their respective systems from years of parties and pre-show 'attitude adjustments,' the couple agree that it is safer to adopt than to have a child of their own.
One day the adoption center calls and tells them that they have a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The conjuror and his wife are overjoyed and agree to take the baby without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, the beautiful couple stops by the local college so they each can each enroll in an online course. After they fill out the forms, the registration clerk inquires, "Why did you decide to go to school to study Russian?" The couple replies proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him." |
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MaxfieldsMagic Inner circle Instead of practicing, I made 3009 Posts |
Did you hear about the young magician who fell through the floorboards in the middle of his performance? It's OK, though, he was just going through a stage.
Now appearing nightly in my basement.
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boxjumper Veteran user 362 Posts |
YUK YUK YUK, not bad
BJ |
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