I will start the story and you all will add a line or two to it.  So here we go!


“One evening, it was toward the end of October, Emmett Arno said to the woman he’d been seeing on and off the past few years, “I’ve made a decision. I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before in my life.”

"The first thing I want to tell you might explain why we see each other only on occasion and in the daylight. I am deathly afraid of the dark! I actually lock myself in my house with all the lights on. Now here is the other thing I want to tell you."

But before he could continue, Rachel intervened. "That's amazing," she said, surreptitiously putting the knife back in her pocket. "You must have read my mind, Emmett. I was about to tell you the same thing!"

"But Rachel" Emmet said, "How could you possibly know what I was going to tell you?"

"On the contrary," she said, "you're the one who knew what I was thinking."

Clearly, Rachel had not yet met me.

Emmett smiled and said, "are you really serious, you think I can read minds?"
Do you come to the magic Café often?

"Why do you think I have this knife on me Emmet?" Rachel asked.

Thoughts started crashing about in the NSA agents head like a frenzied herd of cattle. It was becoming harder and harder for him to harness his brain and operate his mouth, as he listened in on the conversation.

"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-gggg-hhh-hhh!," the NSA agent screamed, "S-h-h-h-e-e-e-e h-a-a-ass-ss a-s-s a--a-a-a-a fr-e-e-e-e-ek-k-k-n' k-k-knnn-i-i-i-f-f-e!"

"Rachel, please put up the knife" asked Emmet.
"The last thing we need is for an arms debate to get started."

"Arms! Arms! You want to talk about arms Emmet!" Rachel angrily shouted back at him, the spit of her venom spattering his pimpled face, "You can't handle the truth about arms you blathering idiot!" she continued.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Rachel," cried Emmett. "I've got eight arms ... in fact, I'm an octopus!"

"You're full of shist Emmet," Rachel shouted back. "I've been telling you for months that you need to see a freakin' shrink!"

"But no-o-o-o-o, you have these visions of multiple appendages. Wouldn't that be special!" she continued.

"I don't know what's the matter with me, Rachel," retorted Emmett. "Sometimes I think I'm a teepee, and other times I think I'm a wigwam."

"An octopus? A dag blame octopus." Rachael shakes her head and then all of a sudden she begin to cry and as the
tears poured down her face she begins to talk in a low soft voice, "Emmett , you know how much I care for you and
you know the octopus thing doesn't matter, but there is one thing I haven't asked you that I absolutely must know.
We can't go on until I get an honest answer from you. Emmett, are you a Democrat or a Republican?

"I'm a far left liberal Rachel, how couldn't you know that!" Emmet replied.

Rachel, shouted back, "Of course you are you wimp! Reaching into her jeans pocket and whipping out a Walther 380 PPK and at the same time, throwing her knife to the floor in a rage, slapping the pistol on the table in front of them, "There pussy, take that there gun and see what you can do with it big boy!" she raged.

"That's just it, Rachel," said Emmett, bowing his head. "It's the second big secret I was going to tell you. I'm neither a Democrat, nor a Republican." And, picking up the gun, he stood straight up and shouted: "I'm a Green Party supporter!"

And then Emmett squeezed the trigger in two quick reports, Special Forces style, raising his head in triumph, declaring, "Green Tea is the problem Rachel! Why the freak can't you see it's all about the green tea the Mao remnants continue to pump into our economy for the arms you so specifically want me to magically dispose of!"

Then, as if one were heralding the other, the tea kettle began to whistle, just as there was a loud knock at the door.