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Bill Ligon Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts 
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What are you when you walk out of the bathroom?
Finnish! Posted: Nov 11, 2008 5:16pm And before you go in? Russian!
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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And also on the way to it?
Iran...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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aitchy Loyal user 222 Posts
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One I used recently off the cuff that got a great reaction was a woman started clapping wildly after each trick - but I wanted to save the applause up a bit so I used "don't clap on your own - someone will throw you a fish" - which got Huge laughs that kept comeing in rolls every ten seconds - went on for the best part of 60 seconds- I was shocked but happy.
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds!...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Neznarf Inner circle NY then AZ now 1840 Posts
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Q: What goes "oooo, oooo, oooo?"
A: A cow with no lips!
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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“Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year.”
...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bill Ligon Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts
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What's another word for "thesaurus?"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Blackghost83 New user Selden, NY 36 Posts
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This one's for adults...
After every statement, say to yourself, "rubber buns and liqour" What'd you eat for breakfast? rubber buns and liqour what'd you eat for lunch? rubber buns and liqour what'd you eat for dinner? rubber buns and liqour What do you do when your girlfriend's naked? rubber buns and liqour! Isn't that a good one? thank you, thank you, it's original.
When asked, "Would anybody play cards with you today?" Ricky Jay simply responded, "Sure."
"Silly People." |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace.
What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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rick727 Regular user Houston, TX, USA 188 Posts
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Be alert. The world needs lerts.
Practice what you present.
Present what you practice. |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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“Mom, are you the tooth fairy?”
Assuming he was old enough to hear the truth, she replied, “Yes Timmy, I am.” Timmy seemed to take this news quite well. But as he headed for the door, he slowly turned back toward his mother with a curious look on his face and said, “Wait a minute mom. How do you get into the other kids’ houses?”...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Neznarf Inner circle NY then AZ now 1840 Posts
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Books I'll Be Reading This Summer:
HOW TO WRITE BIG BOOKS by Warren Peace I LOST MY BALANCE by Eileen Dover and Phil Down THE GERMAN BANK ROBBERY by Hans Zupp I HATE THE SUN by Gladys Knight PRISON SECURITY by Barb Dwyer
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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What's the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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TomBaker Regular user 160 Posts
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Saw on Ebay where a guy was selling a big collection of old CERTS...you know those breath things...
All in "mint condition" I did a coin flip to see whether I should post that one...and lost. |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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You know when you are too fat when you haul butt, you have to make 2 trips...
You step on the scale and it says..."One at a time, please."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Tom Lauten Special user 689 Posts
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I slept like a baby last night.
I woke up crying every four hours and s**t myself.
Living at and loving Loch Ness!
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest. What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Tom Lauten Special user 689 Posts
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They've discovered a bird that can take off and land vertically... it's called a Harrier Pigeon.
Living at and loving Loch Ness!
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17411 Posts
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There are 2 rules for success in life:
Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:14 pm 
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