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Topic: My story is now complete, Please read.
Message: Posted by: prettylady1990 (May 21, 2005 02:02AM)
Hello very one,
My story is finally complete. I'm not sure if you’ll like it because I had trouble thinking of the ending. I also haven’t thought of a title so if any one has any suggestions that would be great. And the whole story has changed so it’s not the same as before I went back and added paragraphs here and there. I hope you enjoy my story.


By Dannielle Walz

In the small suburb of Redfern, which is located in Sydney lived a small family. There was a single mum who lived with her daughter Indy who is now 13 yrs old. Indy and her mother had been together since she was 5 years old as; her father had died in a car crash. They lived in a tiny yet cosy little cottage on the shores of Bummalo Beach.

Indy was never really that good at making friends so she never really had any special friend to play with so Indy and her mother were really close.

One day Indy was walking through the school fair. Indy loved the school fair; she went on rides, brought fairy floss and just had lots of fun. This year there was a new attraction, it was a magician. Indy had never seen one before so she crept up to the back of the audience to watch. Indy was quite short for a 13 yr old girl, so she couldn’t see the magician, but the magician saw her.

After the show the magician spotted Indy crying on a bench. She said, “I hate being small, I get picked on, and I couldn’t even watch your show Mr Magician man.” Indy looked up at him and he made a hanky appear to wipe her tears. “Its ok, I use to be very small when I was younger as well. I was always picked on, I remember once I wanted to try out for the schools basketball team but they all just laughed” said the magician. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear it sir” Indy replied. “Please call me Oscar,” “ok Oscar. I better go now” Indy said. Oscar quickly replied “No, wait just a sec, I have to get something!”

Than he fumbled in his bag and gave her a wand and a magic book. She was so thrilled she forgot to say thankyou. That same afternoon she flipped through the pages and practised and practised. Every lunch she sat by herself practising tricks after tricks as she had no friends to sit with.

Her favourite trick would have to be ‘Professors nightmare’ or the traditional yet classic ‘Cup and Balls’. She use to love using the patter called ‘Rub-a-dub-dub’ She learnt that patter from an internet site called ‘The magic café’ which she loved visiting.

Her bed room slowly filled with posters all over the walls. She had them of all different magicians. She studied magic in her spare time. Indy did her 1st performance in public at her schools talent quest. Indy won, she was so proud of her self and the girls at school came up and asked if she wanted to sit with them at lunch. Indy proudly said yes.

Things started to go good for Indy, she had some real friends and she had lots of people coming up to her and asking her to perform magic tricks. She was soon known as ‘Ms Magic’, and she had magic to thank for all her happiness.

Then a group of bullies arrived one day and started calling her names and saying mean things like “you’re a witch, you’re a baby” then ran off. She became very upset, but she just tried to ignore it. Then this happened the next day yet she still tried to ignore it.

She had a show booked that afternoon for the Royal Sydney Children’s Hospital, but she was too nervous, after the bullies had been so mean to her. That afternoon when her mum told her it was time to go to the show….

There was no answer. She knocked but still no one replied, so she went in and saw her all dressed up but crying as she was nervous. “What’s wrong Indy? Your show is going to start soon”. And guess what, do you remember the magician at the fair who gave you the wand?” said Indy’s mother. “Yes” Indy said as she wiped hers tears on her shirt, why?” “Because he rang and said he’ll be there to cheer you on.” Her mother said.

Indy got excited but was still very nervous. She had a smile back on her face and packed her things up and they were on their way.
Because of all the traffic they were held up. It was now 4:20 pm and the show was supposed to start at 4:00 pm. They eventually pulled up in front of the glamorous four story Royal Sydney Children’s Hospital.

A volunteer was at the service desk and showed them where to go. While they were in the lift she checked twice through her bag to make sure all her gimmicks were all in order. Once they reached the forth floor they walked down the corridor and Indy suddenly started to cry as she was scared. Indy said, “What if I mess it all up.” “You will be fine darling, just believe in your self and you’ll be fine” her mum said confidently.

As they reached the door the magician from the show greeted them. The magician came up to Indy and gave her a present. He handed it to her and she opened it and there was a beautiful magician’s hat with a cape.

The hat was made of gorgeous black velvet with a strip of white around it. And the cape was a dark black and was made of pure silk. It went down past the knees. It also had 2 secret compartments in it.

She was so pleased and hugged him. “Oh thank you Oscar.” Indy said proudly. “Have you been practising Indy?” said Oscar. “Yes, yes, and one day I’m going to be just as good as _____________________” The magician gave a little chuckle “Go and show them your stuff then”

Then she prepared herself to perform the show. She proudly put her new cape and hat on and had her wand waiting.

The nurse came out to say that all the patients have been waiting for us.

The magician went in first and introduced her to the 20 very sick children. She walked in and all her nervousness just left once she entered. She introduced her self and then it began. First she performed the magic trick “Professors Nightmare” And they all loved it. She then proudly performed 5 more tricks; she had so much fun while performing seeing all those smiling faces looking at her, when suddenly something awful happened.

On her 6th trick which was “Mr Rabbit” she asked a little girl in the back row who could barely see over the taller kids to come out and help her. Indy asked for her name “My names Sarah” said the little girl. The trick went accordingly when suddenly as the third rabbit was meant to appear in Sarah’s hand. She collapsed.

One of the nurses rushed in and checked her pulse. It was very faint. They then asked Indy and her mother and the magician to wait outside. In a matter of minutes he was rushed out of the ward in a stretcher and an oxygen mask on.

Indy couldn’t believe it. She sat there in shock. Ten minutes later a nurse came out to tell them what happened. They said that she was still very weak and it took a bit too much energy out of her. She then sadly explained that she fell into a coma. Indy burst out into tears. The nurse comforted her but it did not help.

The nurse said that the best thing would be for them to leave. Indy grabbed her things and they left the hospital. Once they arrived home Indy ran up stairs in tears. She yelled “It’s my entire fault; I’m never doing magic again!” When she reached her room she ripped all her posters of magicians off the walls and grabbed anything to do with magic and threw it under the bed. She just sat there in tears.

Her mum came and knocked on the door. Indy let her in, her mother tried to explain that it wasn’t her fault but she wouldn’t believe it. “The children in that ward slip in and out of comas all the time. There was nothing you could have done” He mother tried to explain. But Indy would just not listen.

Then she never touched that box of magic gear again. When people would come up to her in the play ground at school and ask “Can you please show me a trick?” She’d just reply “Sorry I don’t do that any more”

Every one thought that she’d quit magic for good but secretly Indy still wished she was doing it. She’d draw magicians in her note books at school but just tried to ignore the urges. This went on for 3 months until………………….

Her mum’s friend had a very sick child who had cancer and was only expected to live another 3 months or so. The girl’s mother had been trying to organise a very special birthday party as it would probably be her last. The little girl had always wanted to meet a magician. She asked Indy’s mother if she knew of any magicians that could help. Her mum said that she might know of one but would have to get back to her.

That night Indy’s mother came in and told her about the poor little sick girl but Indy just replied “No! I don’t do that any more. Find some one else!” Indy’s mother was quite disappointed in Indy and told her that she was being selfish. “This girl will never see another birthday again, she only has a few months to live and all you can think about is yourself?” Then she left the room.

The next day at breakfast not a word was spoken to each other, and then Indy left for school. After school she came home and said “I’ll do it, your right, I Have been selfish and that little girl deserves a great birthday” They then hugged and Indy went up stairs to start practising again.

As she pulled that chest out from underneath her bed she had flash backs of that horrible day at the hospital. She shed a tear, but she pulled it out any way. There was a lot of dust on the box so she blew it off and started practise.

A long 3 weeks later she was ready. They went to the birthday party which was held at a private hospital. There was a jumping castle, 3 clowns, a
Merry-go-round and much more. Indi got up on the little stage and placed all her things so they were ready in position. As the crowd started to gather she saw a familiar face in the back ground. But she didn’t realise who it was.

Indy had forgotten about that terrible day but once every one was there and she’d been introduced she froze. The flash backs came again and she didn’t think she could go on BUT she forced her self to. First off she performed ‘Cup and Balls’ just to get the crowds attention. That was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, performing a trick in an audience again. But she successfully did it with out any mistakes.

Indy needed an assistant for the show so she chose the little girl. She then did ‘Indian rope.’ The girls name was Mayer and Mayer drew a flower of the card and Indi didn’t the trick perfectly but she was still happy with the way she performed. She then ran through about 7 more tricks until she got to ‘Mr Rabbit’

Indy froze once again and shed a tear, Mayer asked what was wrong and Indy just replied “nothing, are you ready?” She performed the trick and Mayer never collapsed. She was so happy that she was about to cry. Once the show was over. Mayer’s mum thanked her for performing.

As Indy was walking over to get some food the person she recognised but didn’t know who they were appeared. It was Oscar the magician. He congratulated her and said how he was so proud of her. Indy was thrilled.

Her mother then came over and handed Indy a present. It was from Indy’s mum and Oscar, she slowly opened it and she saw a membership card for the “Australian Society of Magicians” Indy didn’t know what to say.

After that day she then performed more often and learnt more tricks. She started getting paid to perform at venues and parties. One year she was invited as a special guest to the Annual Magicians Convention which was held once a year in New York.

The End
Message: Posted by: Cliffg37 (May 21, 2005 09:03AM)
I like it...

You cleaned up the language.. That's fine.

Most importantly you made me care about Indy. This is tha goal of any writer I think. I remember in high school reading "The Great Gatsby" I never cared about him or anyone in the book, so I did not care for the book.

Are you planning to build this into a short story or novel? You probably could sell it.

Good Luck

Message: Posted by: prettylady1990 (May 22, 2005 04:58AM)
Thanks for the kind words. So do you think my stories any good or good enough to publish??? My dad doesn't. he he. He thinks its good but not that good. I was thinking of making it a long picture book, I've started on the pictures,.
Message: Posted by: Cliffg37 (May 22, 2005 08:22PM)
Here is what you can do, and with your Dad sitting next to you. Figure out what your audience is, Todlers? Pre-teens? Teens? Young Adult etc. Then go to a library and look at some books/magazines that meet that criteria.

Now the hard part. Take a long hard honest look at your work. See how it measures up to others in that genre.

When I though of you publishing that story, I thinking in a digest style magazine. There is such a magazine for almost every genre of writing. If like your herione, you are from Australia, obviously I have no clue what magazines you have there. Anyway I am sure you will find the right niche,

Good Luck
Message: Posted by: prettylady1990 (May 26, 2005 02:58AM)
Ok thanks for the advise