(Close Window)
Topic: Response to someone walking across stage
Message: Posted by: trickychris (Feb 15, 2006 10:43AM)
so we have the standard - "don't worry, its just a stage your going through"

are there any others?


Message: Posted by: magicgeorge (Feb 15, 2006 11:27AM)
Good question, I use the above too, it's a bit hack. I wish I had something better.

We should pool our resources and make some up.

How about:

To the audience (after they've left):Let's never let anybody come between us again

Oh look, it's one of the drifters.

He/she's on the 12 step program. 12 steps and he/she's out of my ***ing way.

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr Ascro Flies, inventor of the short-cut.

(for street acts):See, nothing can come between a woman and a shoeshop

Ladies and gentleman, Miss direction.

Ah ha, the 4:45 distraction, bang on time.

Message: Posted by: joseph (Feb 15, 2006 12:09PM)
Is's ok...Just watch the trap door...
Message: Posted by: 0pus (Feb 15, 2006 12:16PM)
Where are you performing? I find it hard to imagine performing on a stage and having people walk by.
Message: Posted by: magicgeorge (Feb 15, 2006 12:34PM)
It usually happens when you have a stage area rather than an actual stage. It happens a lot on the streets where there's a clearly defined performance area and crowd area and someone walks in between the two in a daydream. I have had the occasional dozy adult do it during a children's performance, too.

Message: Posted by: Nathan Alexander (Feb 15, 2006 02:26PM)
"At least they're honest. They only paid for half the show." - if they are going out.

"Not a bad decision," as you nod in their direction. "My jokes only get worse."
Message: Posted by: 0pus (Feb 15, 2006 02:36PM)
If you are doing a show with a defined stage area I would suggest something along the lines of "Oh, the next act is here." Ask the intruder his (her) name. "Ladies and gentlemen, the song stylings of . . . . [or, (for a male intruder) the very talented and lovely ..."].

In a children's show, introduce the adult and tell the children that he is going to remove his ears . . . tell them you would like to see that . . . act very disappointed if the adult cannot remove his ears.

If you are performing on the street, I am not sure I would see any line delivered by the performer as being anything but rude. Street performers generally perform in areas that are set aside for pedestrians; accordingly, a pedestrian is not the intruder. It is the performer who is invading the pedestrian's space.
Message: Posted by: Brent McLeod (Feb 15, 2006 04:11PM)
1 Guy walked in front of the stage at a cabaret performance Adults)-I was on next & the MC
stares at him & says

Its ok !-dont feel embarrassed about your clothes!

Audience laughs!

MC Again- (old line)

Theres a bus leaving from reception in 10 mins -Be under it!!!!

Bought the house down & the guy himself couldn't stop laughing & went very red!!
Message: Posted by: harris (Feb 17, 2006 11:59AM)
As one with some mime and silent comedy in my background I go into a quiet walk behind the person.

At times, if the person wasn't in a big hurry I have used them for a volunteer.

Times this has happened included....

1. Work in a room where the staff had an entrance/exit behind me...(unknown prior to the start of the program
2.Buffet where diners would get up and get food during the show...
which led me to know schedule programs after dinner...we learn from our past
3. Emergencies
4. Hack response... "I will come down to your job at ____(insert fast food or big box store here) and interrupt you.... I used it in my younger days but have discarded it as too insulting for my present style......

Making any impromptu remark is a risk... Of course great comedy takes great risk.

You have to decide what fits your personality and also the place where you are performing.

Harris Deutsch
Message: Posted by: Lyndel (Feb 18, 2006 08:12PM)
On 2006-02-15 12:27, magicgeorge wrote:

He/she's on the 12 step program. 12 steps and he/she's out of my ***ing way.


That is a ***ing brilliant line George! Thanks!

Message: Posted by: sunnydolan (Feb 18, 2006 09:51PM)
Well, I've never had that problem before, but if I ever do, now I'll have some good responses, thanks.
Message: Posted by: Owen Anderson (Feb 21, 2006 09:54PM)
LOVE the 12 step line!
Sometimes I stop what I'm doing, pick up a giant prop knife I keep in my case, and follow them on tip-toe holding it as if ready to strike.
Extra laugh for the audience.
Message: Posted by: Smudge (Mar 16, 2006 06:53AM)
I usually say either of these...

"Hey how would you like me to walk across your bedroom floor tonight while you're performing?"


"What is this? A sponsored walk?"

But make sure you stop what you are doing, and say it nice and loud and straight at them. This way it will warn other people that you won't let them walk across you without you having a go at them.
Message: Posted by: Brent (Dec 3, 2006 09:15PM)
How about just stopping in the middle of whatever you're doing, letting your jaw-drop, and staring at them- it will get a few laughs and the person- if they're not in 'outer space'- will realize something's off and that will get their attention!
Message: Posted by: Sonny Vegas (Dec 5, 2006 01:08PM)
Be selective and very cautious...some responses might turn your "Fun Loving Magician" into a short-tempered louse. Try to keep them as clean as possible. You do not want to alienate yourself from the audience. Especially with a kid show...you do not want any confrontation.

Let them walk past you and if the audience is truly captivated by you, they will, in they're own way, be it an evil eye or under breath comment, let that person know to sit their ash down.

If you really want a one liner at a kid show just say: "Oh look kids! It's my friend Mr. Money and he has a brand new 5 dollar bill for first 10 of you who Donkey Pile on him."...Just kidding but I would bet those kids would react quickly and the adult would be youthfully ambushed...Lol!

As for an adult show, your limit can be opened...a bit. Just remember the first thing about having a successful show is: Getting the audience on your side. Once that is accomplished...they are putty in your hands. Enjoy yourself then and don't let anything derail your show. Simple.
Message: Posted by: MichaelKent (Dec 5, 2006 01:09PM)
I agree with highschoolmagician --

Just acknowledging them will get a laugh from your audience. The key here is noticing and acknowledging them AFTER your audience notices them.

When this has happened to me, I just usually casually give them a nod and say "Whatís up?" like itís completely normal what they're doing. That usually gets a laugh and the fact that you're acknowledging them will give them the idea that they're attracting unusual attention.
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Dec 5, 2006 01:44PM)
Depending on the situation a "parody walk" behind them often gets a lot of laughs.

Just think "Monty Python" and you are on the right track...

"Ladies and gentlemen my next volunteer for my anesthetic free brain surgery has arrived. Three more successful operations and I get an indoor clinic..."
Message: Posted by: Dannydoyle (Dec 5, 2006 02:58PM)
Ok I am with the question of where are you performing, but here is my idea anyhow.

Just watch them. Let them walk and watch them. Stop the show and watch. It may get a huge laugh. Then just kind of shrug and go on.
Message: Posted by: airship (Dec 5, 2006 03:30PM)
You could also supply a cartoon soundtrack to the pace of their walk. I suggest a low-pitched, moronic 'dump-de-dump-de-dump-de-dumpity-dump...' (repeat as needed).
Message: Posted by: Father Photius (Dec 5, 2006 10:58PM)
"The door opens and a fig newton enters", then just stand there and watch them walk all the way across the stage.
Message: Posted by: honus (Dec 6, 2006 11:32AM)
There's always the Madeline Kahn bit from Blazing Saddles (an old joke when Mel Brooks swiped it):

"Hey, cowboy, you in show business?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then get your feet off the @#$#ing stage!!!"
Message: Posted by: thoughtsexplorer (Dec 7, 2006 06:39AM)
"If you dare to go to the toilet now, we will all gossip about you!"
Message: Posted by: Pete Biro (Dec 7, 2006 10:29PM)
Years ago this was funny.

"What's this, the Burma Road?"


"Hey, your Mapquest is wrong."
Message: Posted by: The Mac (Dec 8, 2006 06:02AM)
To a female that walks thru your stage: Look, my mail order bride has arrived...Youíre a lot prettier than the catalog picture.

Keep a lasso rope and when someone walks across the stage try to rope them in. Try: "The buffet is over there"
Message: Posted by: Sealegs (Dec 22, 2006 10:25PM)
I was going to do an impression of a rude nut but obviously I've just been beaten to it.

Of course you can change the tone of this if need be...by making it more stern if required.

Message: Posted by: Mac_Stone (Dec 24, 2006 10:57PM)
Great line Peter!
Message: Posted by: AaronTheMagician (Dec 25, 2006 12:47AM)
Sonny had a good point about kidsí shows.

Where I work on a regular basis, I do lots of kidsí shows. The kids usually stay put, but if they're really excited by the time I bring out Rocky Raccoon, it's hard to keep them in their seats. Kids laugh harder than anyone, and the adults get a kick out of it too, if you pretend to lose control, but obviously don't.
Let me explain:

The kids get in your space, everyone wants to handle the prop (rocky) and you need to be able to get some space so everyone can see. Start off small and quiet, and quickly build, changing your tone and pitch randomly each time, getting louder: Stop, back up, are you hungry?
Hey look...road kill!
Excuse me (in a lisping accent).
Hey Shanequa, little dudes (hippie accent).
AHHHHH (scream that one in a girly, angry voice and breathe heavily and stare at the kids, who will be laughing uncontrollably by this point). You'll have their attention, but they won't be sitting down yet. Say, "everyone sit down, or I'll kill him."

Give a look like Don Knotts with pursed lips, and point an imaginary gun at Rocky's head. "Sit, sit, sit!" and everyone will go back to their seats, but still be enjoying it all.

If there's one thing I've learned there, it's that kids don't want to be treated like kids. If you're (playfully) rough with them and acting like they're your best friends that you owe money to, you can't go wrong. Example: What do ten-year-old boys like? Kind words and tricks with bunnies? No. They only care about fighting, action, sports, and boogers. Cater yourself with that in mind, and life is easy.
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Jan 7, 2007 10:02AM)
How about saying Ladies and Gentlemen we thank you for that Commercial interuption.
Message: Posted by: itshim (Jan 8, 2007 01:27PM)
Aaron - If you generalise like that then you are going to have some upset children and some irate parents. Boys in particular can appear to be aggresive when they are actually very shy and don't want any aggression back at them. I've seen 10 year old boys in tears because a magician has been too aggressive in their speech.

As for someone walking across your stage.

"I see my volunteer for the knife throwing routine has appeared!"

If departing: "Come back, you're going to miss the best bit"

If arriving: "I'm sorry you missed the start where the audience saw me swallow and regurgitate this <pointing to generic large prop>"

Message: Posted by: BAH1313 (Jan 9, 2007 10:53AM)
I just nod and say:

"Groupies, hey you gotta love em"

Or "How the hell did you get out?! That's it I'm investing in new rope!"

Or "Walking through? Hey, At least it's not crowded"
Message: Posted by: SteveTheMagician (Jan 9, 2007 05:54PM)
For a woman walking alone

"have you been good?"

she says "yes"

"that's why you're alone!"


Message: Posted by: Keith Brown (Jan 9, 2007 06:48PM)
As a Christian entertainer I too have experienced this, especially during dinner performances. I am very careful how I handle this. In my venue it is perhaps better to just ignore or wait without saying anything. It reminds me of a church I used to pastor many years ago. It never failed that everytime I stood to preach, one of my elderly members would stand and slowly walk down the outside isle to the restroom. Needless to say all the attention was on her. I guess what I am saying is...sometimes it just better to suck it up and let it go. I think a recent national comedian proved that.
Message: Posted by: Tomer (Jan 19, 2007 12:31PM)
I like to follow the guy, I get really close to him and very quietly.. when he turns around I go: "BOO"
Always gets a huge laugh from the audiance. I also do this when I have like 3-4 volenteers up on stage, and when they go back to their sit I just go with them, and follow the last one, doing the same thing.

Message: Posted by: Bill Ligon (Jan 19, 2007 01:20PM)
On 2007-01-09 19:48, Keith Brown wrote:
As a Christian entertainer I too have experienced this, especially during dinner performances. I am very careful how I handle this. In my venue it is perhaps better to just ignore or wait without saying anything. It reminds me of a church I used to pastor many years ago. It never failed that everytime I stood to preach, one of my elderly members would stand and slowly walk down the outside isle to the restroom. Needless to say all the attention was on her. I guess what I am saying is...sometimes it just better to suck it up and let it go. I think a recent national comedian proved that.

That reminds me of the two old ladies in church. The preacher preached against alcohol, and the ladies shook their heads "yes" and quietly said "Hallelulia!" When the preacher began preaching against cussing, they nodded and said "Hallelulia!" When he preached against smoking, they nodded and said "Praise the Lord!" When he began preaching against dipping snuff, the two old ladies looked at each other and said, "Now he's stopped preachin' and started meddlin'!"

Message: Posted by: trombley (Jan 25, 2007 07:23PM)
Show me your backstage pass, (when the guy looks confused) you should have one, it looks just like a $20.

I heard that or something like that somewhere but can't place it!

Say, finally you're here we can start the show. Bring him to the front of the stage, dust him off, give him the mic or a prop and say good luck. Then just leave the stage.

Doesn't anybody knock anymore?

Who let you out of the car?
Message: Posted by: sniper1 (Feb 18, 2007 06:20AM)
Ok let me add my 2 cents to the picture as well. I have given a lot of taught to this. And what I came up with are these 2. The first is an interpretation of an idea, which was given in an issue of Steve Beamís Trapdoor.

Here is how I use it, {by the way I have to warn you, I present full frontal comedy, so be sure you are performing for the right audience before trying this out}.

If a man gets up and starts to walk past, or walks past, I stop him on his tracks, produce a urine flask from my case and say something like, ďno need to miss the show mate, here you can take this and do it where you stand I'm sure nobody is going to take notice, {always gets a laugh}.

And if they just remain staring for those couple of seconds, I say " Ooh, you need to make a poo-poo as well, don't worry Iíve got that covered as well. {Yep - I take out a bedpan out of my case as well}. If its a woman I do it a bit differently, and take out the bedpan and a roll of toilet paper, and then say " and if there are any men who do need to go I have that covered as well" and produce the urine flask.

Now for my second idea, as well, I'm not going to take full credit for this for the idea came out while watching if my memory serves me right police story 5, where the policeman who makes the funny noises with his mouth play a small prank on a passer by, by making squeaking noises in the same tempo of his walking.

So the smallest of creative leaps, and yes Iíve done it and its great, a guy starts walking by and you with your handy squeaker ready start to squeak in tempo with his walking stride, if he stops you stop, if he takes a small slow cautious step you make a long stretched squeak, I'm sure you get the picture, its hilarious if you get it right.

Plus if you are really interested, buy the book between the one-liners by Gazzo.
Message: Posted by: God-glorified (Feb 18, 2007 03:42PM)
THE BEST situation I have ever seen was done by Robin Williams, when a lady leaves to go to the bathroom.

It all starts when he asks where she is going. When she answers he quickly responds and says "Ok we'll just wait" and stands there.

There is a whole improv bit he does the entire time heís gone, but if you're interested I urge you to type Robin Williams into http://www.youtube.com and find this clip (heís wearing a Hawaiian(sp?) shirt.

Also Jeff Dunham the ventriloquist (more sp?) in his special "Arguing With Myself" does a similar show postponing off a guy named Mike. Both are VERY FUNNY and will help give insight to how pros react to this.
Message: Posted by: styck13 (Mar 7, 2007 05:06PM)
The Jeff Dunham bit is the best. If you watch the out takes on the DVD he explains that Mike ended up being one of his buddies. I'm not sure if it was set up or not, but he sold it like a champ. It was obviously a prepared bit but SUPER FUNNY. The line about the price of this "break" is too funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWGjKs1qgc8 the bit starts at 5:10 and doesn't have the full bit. He really "rips" Mike when he gets back. "Welcome Back Dumb@$$... Could you hear us? ...We could Hear You.... You didn't wash your hands. (that's one of my favorite bits on that DVD)

Something Else I've Seen - I was watching a show in a theme park once and someone got up and left. The Band that was playing fell apart. (every stopped playing at a different time and slowed down until it was quiet) and the lead singer/performer said something like "Hey where are you going, the show's not over yet". When they kept walking, he said "Oh I know, when you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO (all the while doing the pee pee dance). The audience laughed and when that died down he yelled to the person leaving, "MENTION MY NAME AND YOU'LL GET A GOOD SEAT"!
Message: Posted by: Dan Paulus (Mar 10, 2007 01:38PM)
I've used the "Mention my name you'll get a good seat" before, plays great.
If they were in the front row and are getting up to leave, try autioning off their seat.
Often, I'll just stop and stare to give the audience a chance to laugh, then shout out,
"It Gets Better!"
Message: Posted by: Dannydoyle (Mar 10, 2007 04:12PM)
Yes Jeff had that scripted. He sells those things fantastically though. It is what makes him him.