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Topic: Danger above, beware of falling cows
Message: Posted by: balducci (Nov 6, 2007 05:06PM)
Nov 06, 2007 02:16 PM
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MANSON, Wash. – Charles and Linda Everson were driving back to their hotel when their minivan was struck by a falling object – a 270-kilogram cow.

The Eversons were unhurt but the cow, which had fallen off a cliff, had to be euthanized.

The year-old cow fell about 60 metres from the cliff and landed on the hood of the couple's minivan, causing heavy damage.

A Chelan County fire chief, Arnold Baker, said the couple missed being killed by a matter of centimetres in the accident Sunday on a highway near Manson.

The Eversons, visiting the area from their home in Westland, Mich., to celebrate their first wedding anniversary, were checked at Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution.

Everson, 49, said he didn't see the cow falling and didn't know what happened until afterward.

He said he kept repeating: "I don't believe this. I don't believe this."
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 05:48PM)
Nov 05, 2007 05:33 PM
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
London, UK. – A cow strolled into the Houses of Parliament this morning dressed as Guy Fawkes, security services neutralised the cow before realising it was of the pantomime variety, and was in fact delivering a petition from the Actors Guild who were protesting recent rises in Bus Fares to the seaside. Prime Minister Gordon Brown laughed when he realised the mistake and promised to provide the Actors Guild with skateboards.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 05:57PM)
Jan 05, 1988
The Scarlet times.
Manchester, UK. England.

Not very often you get to see a cow fall from more than a height of a meter due to the new licensing laws that we have recently had to obey. In a recent rebellion led by farmer John Stiles of Manchester where he dropped the cows from from a height of 1.2m all the way up to 1.5m. Three other farmers who don't wish to be named went as high as 1.9m. Onlookers where deeply shocked and disgusted as one person had this to say "I'm deeply shocked and disgusted." The R.S.P.C.A where quickly prompted, to which they used speaker phones and silly string to stop the MAD farmers from dropping the cows. After one hour of reasoning with them and meeting there demands of Shepard's pie and a pint of speckled hen, the cruel cow dropping came to a halt.



Sorry its from a few years ago but its one of my favorite cow falling stories I have in my file.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 06:10PM)
I don't know why but the full story is more captivating, more thrilling more meaty and more corny...here we go...

Cow falls onto Westland couple's minivan in Washington

November 6, 2007

When a 600-pound cow tumbles 200 feet off a cliff on to your minivan, you aren’t really thinking about auto insurance.

At least Charles Everson Jr. wasn’t.

“I’m just glad to be alive,” the 49-year-old chauffeur from Westland said from his hotel Tuesday in Manson, Wash. “It’s raining cows out here, man.”

Everson and his wife Linda, 39, were in Washington celebrating their first wedding anniversary when the 1-year-old rodeo stock cow landed on the hood of their 2006 Buick Terraza. The couple had just left a nearby church service and were traveling along Highway 150, near Rocky Point on Lake Chelan, about a mile east of Manson.

“I saw something hit and heard a ‘Wham!’ It happened so fast,” Charles Everson said. “I actually thought it was a deer.”

Miraculously, Everson kept driving.

“All of the sudden I’m looking at it, and I tell my wife, ‘It’s a cow,’.” he said. “I kept saying: ‘I don’t believe it.’ I must have said that 20 or 30 times.”

Everson pulled over about a mile down the road. The minivan had extensive damage to the hood.

“I wasn’t really thinking clearly and then I realized that I better pull over,” he said.

Rescue crews took the couple to Lake Chelan Community Hospital for precautionary reasons. On Tuesday, Everson said he and his wife were fine.

“It was just a matter of inches,” he said.

Sgt. Mike Harris of the Chelan County Sheriff’s Office said Tuesday the animal, which had to be euthanized after the crash, was a Professional Bull Rider-registered cow.

“It was bred for rodeo,” Harris said. “It was not your normal cow in a field.”

A breeder had previously reported the cow missing, Harris said.

Everson said the breeder was extremely apologetic.

“He called me and said it had escaped from his ranch about a month ago,” Charles Everson said. “He really felt bad.”

Now, the couple is trying to figure out a way to get back to the Detroit-area. They had driven the Buick out west last week.

“We came out here for relaxation, a quiet time,” Everson said while laughing. “You could say this doesn’t happen every day.”
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 06:13PM)
Nov 05, 1973 25:32 PM
THE ASSOCIATED DAIRY
London, UK. – Science and Technology: Are Cows Intelligent? Most people think cows are pretty stupid. Not so. Scientists from the University of Lincolnshire and Cumberland have managed to teach 3 Fresians from Bolton how to speak Chinese. They claim that 2 of the cows can now quote the 'Gateless Gate' verbatim. When asked why the cows were not taught to speak English instead, Dr. Ludolus replied that due to the peculiarity of the cows epiglottis the Germanic languages were simply too complex, "Besides," he said, "In 20 years time we will all be Chinese anyway and the Cows will have moved to the moon". Diplomats at the British embassy in Beijing were yesterday, said to be concerned about the recent Bovine developments.



(This one goes even further back, its amazing what you find when you dig around a bit, that clipping fell out of my Bible which funnily enough was made in China.)
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 06:17PM)
Awwhhhhh! I forgot all about this story! How wrong where they in 1973 thinking we'd all be Chinese!

Apparentley no Chinese Speaking cows from England will be allowed at the Olympics.
Message: Posted by: MagicSanta (Nov 6, 2007 06:21PM)
Last night my wife and I celebrated Guy Fawkes day with gusto!

Speaking of cows I realized that I don't know anything about them. I was driving the wife to the casino, you know, for Guy Fawkes Day, and on my one way out of town road a gathering of wild cows had taken over the roadway. I honked at them but they just looked at me and the one with horns got rather angry looking. They moved off after a few minutes after ignoring my yells of 'yahoo' and "giddy up". I ask, how do you get cows to move off the freakin' road? I'm use to wild horses but these cows are stubborn.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 06:22PM)
San Francisco Chronicle
20 dairy cows tumble from cliff in Marin
All but 3 merely 'dazed and confused' after fall

Chuck Squatriglia, Chronicle Staff Writer

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Twenty Holstein dairy cows grazing in the green hills of Marin County apparently got spooked late Wednesday morning and ran straight off a cliff, tumbling 50 feet down a steep hillside as stunned motorists looked on.

Miraculously, all but two survived.

Witnesses reported seeing the heifers tumble tail over tea kettle down the the steep hillside before landing in a heap on Lucas Valley Road just west of Skywalker Ranch at about 11 a.m.

Authorities were at a loss to explain what might have caused the stampede but surmised something -- most likely a rattlesnake or a predator of some sort -- frightened one of the cows. The rest of the herd, they assume, simply followed her over the cliff.

"We really don't know what happened," said John Reese, spokesman for the Marin Humane Society. "It's not like cows to venture into areas that are unstable. They aren't creatures that are prone to take risks."

Two cows broke their backs in the fall, prompting a sheriff's deputy -- at the behest of the rancher and the Humane Society -- to "dispatch" them with a shotgun, said Sgt. Doug Pittman, sheriff's office spokesman. Another was severely injured, but the others escaped injury.

Dairy cows are as common in West Marin as sailboats on the bay, and motorists hardly pay them any mind -- except when they're falling from the sky.

One motorist sped ahead, presumably for help, and stopped Deputy Stephen Debrunner, who just happened to be patrolling the area.

"The motorist said, 'There's cows dropping on the road up ahead,' " Pittman said. "At first the deputy thought, 'Yeah, right.' But then another car came up and said the same thing."

Debrunner hopped back in his cruiser and sped ahead to find "several cows dazed and confused aimlessly walking along the road," Pittman said.

The animals were quickly herded up and returned to their owners at Silveira Ranch, a family operation that has been raising dairy cows in Marin County for more than 100 years.

"This was something that I hadn't, in all my years, heard happen," said Lorraine Silveira. "They do go through fences and do fall in a ditch, but nothing like this. There are very heavy trees at the edge, and that's probably what fooled them. They probably thought there was more land there at the edge."
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 06:28PM)
Memo intercepted from MI5.

Terrorists are using cow suits to infiltrate our cows. Look out for the ones that stand upwards and have four eyes. Picture attached.

http://www.funwarehouse.co.uk/acatalog/comical_cow_r15225.jpg
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 06:37PM)
Oh dear, and it looks like they are using explosive udders!!!
Message: Posted by: kregg (Nov 6, 2007 06:52PM)
Holy cow!
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 06:52PM)
Nov 05, 2059 25:00 AM
THE ASSOCIATED DAIRY
A couple of years back, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler were recovered off the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. They claimed that a cow, falling out of the clear blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering its hull and sinking the vessel within minutes.
They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield. They forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily departed for home. Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30,000 feet.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 07:48PM)
How'd you get this futurist news?? Its great....you could be the next phoneamum.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 07:59PM)
There is no time.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 08:00PM)
Ah I see its from the future past.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 08:05PM)
But I did hear if you drink Cows saliva you can transcend your mortal temporal constraints.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 08:10PM)
Theres a cow in my back garden waving at me...what should I do?
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 08:32PM)
Sing Teddy Bears picnic, if it joins in, its one of ours, if he doesn't know the words, dial 999.
Message: Posted by: balducci (Nov 6, 2007 09:10PM)
Corona, this thread really seems to have caught your fancy! You seem to know quite a bit about cows.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 09:12PM)
He sang it back but in a weird language...it could be cow talk but I'm not sure.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 09:16PM)
[quote]
On 2007-11-06 22:10, balducci wrote:
Corona, this thread really seems to have caught your fancy! You seem to know quite a bit about cows.
[/quote]

It just so happens that Matt and I are the Uk's foremost experts on the subject, if not the world's.

Corona.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 09:22PM)
Well Actually, I don't like to boast but I'm the 2nd. Corona is the foremost expert because he actually spent 3 months living with a real cow, he knows them inside out and has taken a real fancy to the Lincoln red's. I on the other hand have been studying cows from the top of an electric fence in Ormskirk. Today I have discovered that cows like grass...lots of grass in fact.

You can ask us any questions on anything about cows, and we can answer it.

We have just finished a children's pop up book on how cows make milk and shoes.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 6, 2007 09:25PM)
And they have tongues like sandpaper!
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 6, 2007 09:28PM)
You saved a bunch on lubrication though.

You can't beat waking up to a cow licking your ear...So Corona says...
Message: Posted by: MagicSanta (Nov 6, 2007 11:18PM)
I saw the cows today, they were walking up a dirt road.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 09:33AM)
This is only the beginning, Matt and I have uncovered a most disturbing plot by the Cows, that is probably what they were discussing when you saw them Santa. I won't say too much right now, but lets just say this and you can draw your own conclusions...

'Weapons of GRASS DESTRUCTION!!!!'


Corona.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 09:51AM)
We will be holding a crisis cow meeting at 6pm tomorrow in the parish church hall in Leighton Buzzard for all those who wish to attend our annual cow information for the public and others.


The meeting will be kicked off by our local band the "wet raspberries" playing a newly commissioned song "Don't fall on me fat cow, I know your a terrorist" Tea and Coffee and refreshments will be served during the interval with a chance to see little Doug for 40p.

The evening intends to be informational and will make you sh** yourselves whilst entertaining you at the same time.

In the meantime we recommend stop consuming dairy products...the cows will know.

M:C
Message: Posted by: MagicSanta (Nov 7, 2007 12:02PM)
Weapons of Grass Destruction! I'm using it!
Message: Posted by: Bill Nuvo (Nov 7, 2007 12:30PM)
Cows cause global warming. Especially American cows.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 12:42PM)
They can also warm your bed up as wrote in Clamant Merrill's cow journals.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 02:45PM)
Clamant Merrill's work is good, he spent 7 years in the field, and that is dedication. It is unfortunate that the Cows turned on him like that. His coffin was only 2 inches deep, that is some squishing he received. Of course the Cows claim that it was a tragic accident, but we now have uncontrevertible proof that this was NOT the case. Clamant had discovered their guilty secret, with the aid of a Chinese dictionary (made in Poland), and was about to reveal all to the world. Mooted in his prime, my condolences to his lovely wife and 3 calves...

If you know whats good for you, you'll be in Leighton tomorrow 6 pm sharp!

It is time to stop the talking and act. Its them or us folks!

Corona.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 02:54PM)
He did provoke them!! 7 years in the field would drive any one nutty. He used to electric shock them to see there responses along with this and threatening to make his discoveries publics, death was an ultimate response and only choice they had, they said in there defensive. Forensics worked out which ones broke his spine and sent three of them to prison. One of them was his own Son's!! The media covered this up at his wifes request. (Bit of juicy gossip from Kurt Magner)

To get more punters to the meeting tomorrow were going to play tonights phoneamum.

Its them or us.

Join the battle at againstthefallingscows.blogspot when we have time.

M:C
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 03:03PM)
Matt or whatever your name is, speaking ill of the diseased will not help the cause, I am starting to wonder if you've been got at. We will see tomorrow...Oh yeah and 40p is way too cheap!

Corona.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 03:15PM)
47p to see little Doug during the interval!

50p for a badge and 50p for a program!

If you want all three its £1.45

Corona will sing you a song for 10p.

We are also raising money for a Fabergé cow egg.

Raising awareness of the cows, not the other way round.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 03:52PM)
47p is better...
Message: Posted by: coupcoupdaddy (Nov 7, 2007 03:54PM)
Right after we joined MINDY, we followed a report that an old woman had reported to the state police that a cow had landed on her farm and had stolen a cow. The investigating trooper asked, "How did you know it was a UFO, ma'am?" She replied, "It had UFO written on the side." The trooper asked, "Why would a UFO steal your cow?" "Well, it had IGA written on the other side," she said.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 03:56PM)
Obviously a rescue operation, taking it back to the Cow base on the moon. Are you sure it was a cow driving? What is IGA?
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 03:57PM)
HA! I don't get it, but can I laugh anyway?
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 04:10PM)
Corona I've had 30000 of these printed off what do you think?

http://a237.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/63/l_2671efdb3767eb98ae9f66f36364b78c.gif
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 04:11PM)
I think coup's post made it clear cows are actually aliens...all my research is bo**ocks
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 04:13PM)
P.s in the flyer I spelt awareness wrong on purpose to create more atmosphere.
Message: Posted by: coupcoupdaddy (Nov 7, 2007 04:35PM)
The farmers and the cowmen should be friends.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 04:43PM)
Are you coming to our meeting?
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 05:11PM)
Nice flyer Matt! Glad to see the 'etch a sketch' I got you for Cow egg day is finally being put to good use, do you think 30,0000000 will be enough? The flyers jollity belies the seriousness of the situation which I think is good as we don't want to cause mass panic, just yet.

Another Cow just landed in a skip outside. the whole house shook so it must have been one of the lunar jumpers (or was it an outcast?). There was a little dog laughing and some cutlery high tailing down the street.

I will send you the video.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 05:18PM)
To: Matt@mattcolman.co.uk
From MOD.Gov@gov.co.uk

Dear Mr Colman,

We have been studying your cow research for a little while now, and we cannon stress enough that its all in your head. Cows are cows and people are people and terrorists..well...

All we can say is there is no threats to you or your country please dismiss everything you've found so far, and we strongly recommend that you hand over all your notes to us.

The flyers are lovely though, but we believe there will be no need for "cow awareness" just make it a great night of entertainment. You do not want to cause mass panic - based on rumors do you?

Yours Sincerely,
Pat Murdock.
Head of P.A.T.C (people against terrorist cows)
MOD
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 05:21PM)
Notice the freudian slip in the first sentence?

We will have to watch out for infiltrators. Just making my pack up now.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 05:26PM)
Maybe it was nlp....I really want to shoot cows with a cannon now.

I think your right...we are safe...for now.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 06:02PM)
Remember, the first casualty is always truth.

They are still pedaling that old 'Mad Cow' nonsense to the public at large. Tomorrow we can finally reveal the truth to the world!

Moo propaganda:

Keeping Cows Safe From Terrorism
Noah Shachtman ASSOCIATED DAIRIES 12.15.03 |2:00 AM

Al-Qaida is after our cows.

That's the concern of the Department of Homeland Security, which announced Friday a $33 million plan for a pair of academic centers to combat possible terrorist attacks on America's livestock and food supply.

The department contends that so-called "agroterrorism" is a "top priority for university research." But outside homeland security and biological defense circles, experts are deeply divided over how realistic the threat actually is.

Some see America's farms as tempting morsels for evildoers looking to sow economic chaos. Others think terrorists are much more likely to stick to their usual diet of exploding trucks, shoulder-fired missiles and suicide bombs.

"I'm not sure how attractive this is to the bad guy," said Phil Anderson, a homeland security analyst at the Center for Strategic & International Studies. "He likes body bags, explosions, things that look good on CNN. So I'm not that worried about the food chain."

On Friday, the Department of Homeland Security said it intends to set up two university-run research hubs, or "centers of excellence," for food-chain defense. One will spend $15 million over three years studying "post-harvest food protection and defense," focusing on how to keep food from being poisoned. The other, with a slightly larger, $18 million budget, will examine "foreign animal and zoonotic disease defense," or how to keep farm animals safe.

Top priorities will include developing a better understanding of how animal pathogens spread and improving animal disease detection techniques, according to the Department of Homeland Defense's announcement about the centers. The department will decide in February which universities qualify for the research grants.
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 06:39PM)
Theres been a serious development...all parties interested need to download the flyer and come tomorrow...its very serious.
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 06:55PM)
Its them or us!
Message: Posted by: Rupert Bair (Nov 7, 2007 07:01PM)
It better not be us!

Corona has been keeping a close eye on the children in the local primary schools where he noticed the kids where given free milk!!!

Side effects to drinking the milk

. The home bell
. White stains on clothing
. Angry Cows
. Angry Corona (they didn't offer him any)

+ much more...come along and bring your Granny, tomorrow night at the parish hall Leighton 6pm.

Its them or us!
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 7, 2007 07:28PM)
Feeding a child on Cow milk will also turn them from small humans into one ton bovines in a matter of months!

Its US or them!
Message: Posted by: Fauna Gob (Nov 8, 2007 01:06PM)
I told you! GOOD GOD I TOLD YOU!

Thank you Corona for pointing me in the direction of the thread, apologies for not jumping in sooner, I was away at a C.R.A.P (Cows Really Are Posion) meeting in Ohio (The Milk State) this weekend.

Thank god we have two of the Leading anti-cow freedom fighters in this very thread, Matt and Corona I salute you, but this needs to be taken a step further, forget your rable rousing and 'Awareness Meetings' we need to fight back at the small groups of vigilante fresians before they get the Aberdeen Anguses on there side, once that happens, we are all doomed.

People say Cows are DUMB? It's said that 1 million monkeys with 1 million typewriters and 1 million years could write the works of shakespeare, 4 cows with a Commadore 64 and 2 and a half months managed to knock out the entire cataloge of mills and boon books back in 1997, they are using the royalties to fund there army of hate.

Proffesor Fauna
C.R.A.P
Message: Posted by: Corona Smith (Nov 8, 2007 08:03PM)
Yep. Imagine what they could do with an Apple Mac! and yes... you guessed it, they have those now, and broadband, and sat nav, and really big cars, that run on grass. Some of them have even taken to writing propagandist poetry!!!

Here's one I found earlier, nestled between a cow egg and a tuft of grass in a local cemetary:

"Be humble
for you are made of dung.
Be noble
for you are made of stars."

-A. Cow.

Thanks for the kind words Professor, we are rejuvenated by your energy, especially after only 5 people turned up at the Parish Church this evening, one was the caretaker (to lock up) and the others were Matt and I and a couple who stayed very close all evening, didn't say much and had shoes on shaped like hooves. We did rather well on the hookaduck though!

Your discoveries were received with great enthusiasm though, we watched the whole 8 DVD box set, and will be sending off our takings to C.R.A.P in the next few days, after we've counted it.

Corona.