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Topic: Create-A-Patter- Knife Through Coat
Message: Posted by: Magic Enhancer (Jun 28, 2008 08:21PM)
Just like our last Create-A-Patter, we will all create a comedy routine collectively. This weeks trick we will attempt to write patter for will be the "Knife Through Coat" routine. I'd like everyone to write a small piece of the patter and collectively try to come up with something funny. I'll begin.

"Sir, thank you for volunteering to come up on stage. I bet you're wondering why I picked you. Well, I must say, you stood out. That bright **** red coat of yours just caught my eye (and my nose). Plus you're balding and the light caught you just right. Would you mind taking it off for me? Thanks. Let me ask you something Sir, do you always give away your belongs to strangers? No? Well that's good cause even if you did, nobody would want this. May I ask what your name is? Kyle. Rhymes with Pyle. Well, thanks for helping me Kyle. The reason I had you take off your jacket is because we're going to do a little experiment with it....
Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jun 29, 2008 01:48AM)
You like experiments, don't you Kyle? Remember the ones that you did in 6th grade gym class? Like the one where you wanted to see how long you could go without washing your athletic supporter and not be noticed? How fun was that???!
Message: Posted by: Lyndel (Jun 29, 2008 05:41AM)
Then there was your experimentation at band camp that we won't even talk about here today...
Message: Posted by: magic4u02 (Jun 29, 2008 10:25AM)
Remember that I said this was an experiment and not a magic trick. there is a subtle difference folks. See magic tricks work and well experiments (look at helper).. well they don't. folks this is the reason why we have this guy up here in the first place. Everyone hold out your index finger. Do NOT pull the finger just extend it outwards sir. You pull the finger and it is a WHOLE different trick. Now point it at the gentlemen up here on stage. I do this for one reason only. If this experiment goes horribly wrong I need someone to blame. It;s all HIS fault. (point at helper).
Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jun 29, 2008 11:59AM)
Now, back to the trick. We have here is a fine example of polyester fibers held together by synthetic nylon, both have been dyed with a natural pigment that flouresces bright red under the right conditions. Some of you may be wondering what I mean by the right conditions...
Message: Posted by: Mediocre the Great (Jun 29, 2008 01:00PM)
Here are some ideas for knife through coat:

- I will demonstrate with this knife and this gentlemen's Kevlar coat - oh it's not Kevlar? bummer! This may not work out as well as I hoped.

- (hold up Knife and a bottle of ketchup)
Ladies and gentleman, the natural enemies of a coat: A knife and ketchup! Which one shall we use? Your choice sir... you can't say I'm not sensitive to the needs of my audience.

- This is cutting edge magic, and I do mean, cutting edge.

- How many holes would you like? one or two?

- Don't worry, I've done this trick hundreds of times. It's never worked right, but I've done it hundreds of times. However, I'm sure our luck will be better tonight. Heck, even a broken clock is right twice a day... Actually I'm feeling really lucky tonight.. how about you sir?

- From Nordstrom to Goodwill in 10 seconds.

- Enough talk......let 'er rip!

- How was your dinner tonight? Feel full? would you like me to let your suit about a bit?

- Sir, I notice you have a little spot on your coat, let me cut it out.
Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jun 29, 2008 09:30PM)
And, ladies and gentleman, that was a brief message from Ginzu Comedy Club- where every performer is a cut up.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled discussion on the right conditions for bright ruby red flourescence as it pertains to clothing. We begin our tale in a quaint burg known as Philadelphia. There, a master tailor had learned the secret of breeding silkworms that had been selected out for the brilliance of the red silk that they produced. Alas, these special worms only produced limited quantities of the silk and then, only once every 10 years.

How does this relate to the magical sense of astonishment that you're all about to experience? I haven't a clue so let's get on with our retelling of the classic storybook tale of the Tailor and the Knife. There once was a lovely young girl named Elizabeth...
Message: Posted by: Magic Enhancer (Jun 30, 2008 09:36AM)
Sometimes, however, her friends called her Lorraina- as that was her middle name. Last name you ask- Bobbit! Ms. Bobbit was an excellent tailor and had great knife skills. She is highly decorated in the art of sword fighting as well. Once a master chef, she used her knife one day as a deadly weapon- on her own husband.

How you ask? Well it all started when....
Message: Posted by: Lyndel (Jun 30, 2008 03:01PM)
He started being a d**k

Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jun 30, 2008 08:19PM)
Like I said, Liz the tailor and Dick Burton were rummaging around in grandma's closet after the big bad wolf ate her. But once again, I digress...
Message: Posted by: magicoftomh (Jul 2, 2008 10:26PM)
I can tell by your red jacket, sir, that you are particularly attached to it. As I look your way, I can see and hear you. At the same time, I can smell you through your jacket. Believe me, folks. I am getting to know Kyle WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too well right now!
Message: Posted by: Magic Enhancer (Jul 3, 2008 08:37AM)
"for some reason, I'm receiving a magical vibe from your jacket, an auro of sorts. You know, it reminds me of a legendary coat once worn by magicians of the past in biblical times. Theyclaim it has very sepcial properties and can heal the wounded and cure the ill. Because the jacket was so hideous looking, many of the village locals said it made the wearer look like a balding twirp, but gave them magical powers. I'd like to try this with your coat Kyle and see if it could possibly have the same magical powers as the one I just told you about. To test it, I brought this knife. It is is truly a magical jacket like I'm betting it is, it will be able to heal itself and it's wounds- much like the Terminator. I am going to try it out right now...

(magician winds back and thrusts the knife into the jacket. However, as soon as the knife touches the jacket......)
Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jul 3, 2008 07:37PM)
Oh, Sh*T!!! Where did all of that blood come from????

[Could it be xenomenia? See, Rob - I looked it up!]
Message: Posted by: magicoftomh (Jul 3, 2008 11:18PM)
I guess I should have asked Kyle to remove his jacket prior to my performing this experiment.
Message: Posted by: magic4u02 (Jul 4, 2008 12:40PM)
Yes folks I did this effect one time with a person still inside the jacket. It worked fine but I accidentally cut off the guys ears. Now I said I was sorry... but quite frankly.. I don't think he heard me.
Message: Posted by: jocdoc (Jul 6, 2008 01:44AM)
And he started wearing contact lenses instead of his glasses.
Message: Posted by: magicoftomh (Jul 10, 2008 10:00PM)
Thankfully, this is the Knife through Coat, and not Cut and Restored Kyle.
Message: Posted by: magicoftomh (Jul 15, 2008 12:30AM)
Back to the story/patter...
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Jul 15, 2008 05:06AM)
Anybody have any recommendations for a quality knife set?

El cheapo knifo broko.
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Jul 17, 2008 11:36PM)
[sorry about that - back to the story / patter...]

(as wiping blood off hands)
The infomercials weren't lying. These ****ers ARE sharp.
Message: Posted by: Chad Sanborn (Jul 22, 2008 09:38AM)
"I am just giving the moths a head start! I am kidding... No self respecting moth would come near this thing!"

Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Jul 30, 2008 09:54PM)
On 2008-07-22 10:38, Chad Sanborn wrote:

"...No self respecting moth would come near this thing!"


Probably because they are too busy chasing Kyle's jacket.
"Follow the bright red thing!"