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Topic: Funny lines for Bill to lemon!
Message: Posted by: simchamagic (Sep 27, 2008 03:08PM)
Hi,

I don't know if there was a post of this previously, this is all I was able to find:
http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=55448&forum=24

So - What great funny lines do you have for a bill to lemon routine?

If each Magi here will only give one or two, I'm sure the amount that'll be gathered will benefit all of us.

I'll start:

The line I found funniest: After the bill disappeares/changes: "Did you give me a 100$ bill?" ; "Yes" ; "Thanks!"

Also found this to be pretty good: When handing back the bill: "Not only that you're getting back your bill, but you're also getting with it vitamins A and C!"

Come on guys, what do you have?
Message: Posted by: Ian Keable (Sep 28, 2008 07:56AM)
I've been doing the Bill in Lemon for more years than I can remember; and have built up a collection of lines which work for me during the course of my routine. However I don't actually use any 'funny lines' as such when cutting open the lemon and showing the bill inside.

According to Dai Vernon, Email Jarrow used to say, as he cut open the lemon, something to the effect: 'Why's a lemon like a synagogue? Because there's juice (jews) coming out'. Apparently Jarrow dropped the gag because it lessened the impact of the magic (my own theory is that he dropped the gag because it wasn't very funny!). But the principle is important. At the moment of great magic you don't want too much laughter.

Having said that, Billy McComb gave me a line, which I sometimes use in front of some audiences. When displaying the bill inside the lemon to the person who lent the money and asking him to remove it, I say: "Don't worry, it's not a joint!"
Message: Posted by: Ken Dumm (Sep 28, 2008 09:58AM)
After I make the bill vanish, I'll ask someone in the audience "Mary, did you see that okay?", no matter what she says I'll respond, "No?", then to the person who loaned the bill, "Bob, I need another $20 (whatever denomination he loaned), Mary wants to see that trick again..."

Usually gets a good laugh...

Ken
Message: Posted by: magic4u02 (Sep 28, 2008 03:20PM)
Good stuff. Another funny line is to wait till someone laughs in the audience. look at them.. pause and then say, "Yeah your laughing now. Just remember, this could have been YOUR 20 dollars."

I also like to deliver this line after their bill gets destroyed, vanished or burnt.

"well Mike I have some good news and some bad news for ya bud. The bad news is your 20 bucks is toast.. literally. The good news? Oh I just saved a lot of money by switching to GEICO!?"

Kyle
Message: Posted by: Ian Keable (Sep 28, 2008 04:32PM)
For those who leave a corner of the bill with the spectator - and having seen the remainder of his bill disappear - a good line again was given to me by Billy McComb. "If you don't see the bill again, take the corner down to your bank manager and he will tell you what to do with it!" Apparently Ricki Dunn just used to say - "That's the only piece you're gonna get tonight!"
Message: Posted by: spatrick (Sep 28, 2008 10:30PM)
Not only is the bill inside it is also now cleaned with the fresh scent of lemon.

S. Patrick
Message: Posted by: Eric Lott (Sep 29, 2008 10:58PM)
I saw Warren Gibson (http://warrenandannabelles.com/) perform it at his show in Maui. He borrowed a $100 bill. As he referred to the bill throughout the trick after it had been vanished, he kept lowering the denomination. "Don't worry, George, you'll get your $50 back." "Nancy, now you're going to help me find George's $20." Eventually he did a coin trick and offered George some change.

It was a running joke throughout the routine that got a lot of laughs.
Message: Posted by: simchamagic (Oct 2, 2008 04:40PM)
Great until now!

Here's another one: At some stage between borrowing the bill and changing\vanishing it you say a line involving the words 'Thanks to the person who donated this 100$ bill' (*donated*).

New contributors, what have you got?
Message: Posted by: cheaptrick (Nov 17, 2008 07:26PM)
I offer the lemon as a "consolation prize" (so the spec won't go home empty handed. At least he has SOMETHING for his twenty.)

BUT, there is a problem. I got a letter from the DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE the other day. They said they were having problems with foreign objects imbedded in this years lemon crop and I can't let the lemon leave the building without thououghly examining it.

Of course this destroys the lemon but the law is the law .........

:magicrabbit:
Message: Posted by: Martijn van Berkel (Nov 18, 2008 04:19PM)
When signing the bill: " I always ask people to sign the bill, so I know when I'm at home who gave it to me"
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Nov 19, 2008 03:30AM)
Ending lines:

"I never knew money could be so sour."

"You lucky I did not use a onion, or you would really be in tears."
Message: Posted by: Big Daddy Cool (Nov 21, 2008 11:38AM)
BDC says as the bill is being signed "I'd do that myself, 'cept I don't wanna go ta prison..."
Message: Posted by: simchamagic (Nov 22, 2008 09:51AM)
BDC - That's great!
Message: Posted by: Cabrera (Nov 23, 2008 02:27PM)
One of my pet lines....." If life deals you a lemon...pull out a $100.00 bill!" or twenty etc.
Message: Posted by: Bairefoot (Nov 23, 2008 07:00PM)
I do a lot of shows and 90% are for adults. So here's one for you can use. As you are getting ready to burn the bill I start rolling it and look at my helping any say, "When's the last time you rolled somthing up and lit it up?" Again, you can only use this for that right ocassions. And everyone can not pull it off. But, I think its funny.
Message: Posted by: The Awesome One (Dec 11, 2008 10:26PM)
I've always liked Amazing Jonothan's performance of this. Some of the lines are great. Need to be the right kind of performer to pull it off.
Message: Posted by: DavidLynn (Dec 14, 2008 05:46AM)
If the note has a human face on it. "my word, I knew there is magic in lemon juice but I didn't think it would put such a sour face on ...<name of person on note>..."
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Jan 2, 2009 05:10PM)
[quote]
On 2008-09-28 08:56, Ian Keable wrote:
When displaying the bill inside the lemon to the person who lent the money and asking him to remove it, I say: "Don't worry, it's not a joint!"
[/quote]

...I wonder if, instead of verbalizing "joint", you just see the rolled up bill, get immediately happy and excited as you grab the rolled up bill from the fruit yourself (fairly and openly of course, to avoid suspicion), and brought it up to your lips and tried to inhale. Then look at it, smile disappears, and all disappointed-like, say, "Oh. Nevermind." And then hand it to the volunteer.

This way the audience is making the connection in their own mind, instead of having you spell it out for them. I think they'll laugh harder. Give it a shot once, just to see how it plays.
Message: Posted by: georgecoolla (Jan 6, 2009 03:45AM)
BaireFoot, thanks for sharing. I like your line!
Message: Posted by: magicnorm (Jan 17, 2009 08:43PM)
After recieving the $100 bill, every a time I refer to it in the routine I use a deminished number,
The 50 you loaned my, the Twenty and finally when the bill is cut out of the lemon it is down to a $5 bill. Always gets great laughs if delivered as if you are actually making a mistake. Remember acting is the key.
Message: Posted by: Scott Alexander (Jan 21, 2009 10:33AM)
Since we burned up your money, I'd like to give you my own 100 dollar bill in its place. I'd LIKE to but I can't afford it. Sorry, you're just going to have to leave now.

Plays pretty good now cause of the economy.

The Geico gag from above is my line I wrote and released for "The Final Answer" routine. It has made the rounds. Here is the way I wrote it.

(after the bill is destroyed take a long pause then say)
"Well...........I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, YOU picked the wrong envelope. The good news is(turn and face the audience with a big cheesy smile) I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

Dispite the fact that these commercials are from over 5 years ago, the line still gets a laugh. Not as big as it use to, but it still works.
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Jan 24, 2009 10:50PM)
[quote]
On 2009-01-21 11:33, Scott Alexander wrote:
The Geico gag from above is my line I wrote and released for "The Final Answer" routine. It has made the rounds. Here is the way I wrote it.
(after the bill is destroyed take a long pause then say)
"Well...........I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, YOU picked the wrong envelope. The good news is(turn and face the audience with a big cheesy smile) I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."
[/quote]

I wrote that too. ("...Bad news is I ****ed up. Good news is I just saved a bunch of money...") I don't give 'em the cheesy smile though - I tell it as though it's the sincere honest truth.

I also saw a very similar line used on either SNL or MadTV awhile ago.

Demented minds think alike.
Message: Posted by: Starrpower (Jul 27, 2009 06:03PM)
Years ago I was watching TV with Glen Gerard and that commercial came on and, as we sat there, he worked that line into a routine. So, Scott, not only did you NOT write it (some dude on Madison Avenue did) it has also, apparently, been worked independently by different people. And stolen by many more.
Message: Posted by: jay leslie (Jul 27, 2009 06:41PM)
Since I don't have your money anymore... how about a souvenir?

Looking at the person who gave you the money "Hay it would be worth a hundred dollars just to see if I can make your money appear inside here, right?" - After verifying the number put it in your pocket and remind them they agreed with your assumption.
Message: Posted by: Rory Diamond (Aug 10, 2009 10:33PM)
From Ian's post above: "a good line again was given to me by Billy McComb. "If you don't see the bill again, take the corner down to your bank manager and he will tell you what to do with it!" Ok, why is it that when I have seen Michael Finney do a bill routine on TV, he used that same line? Guess it is ok to steal other's lines and use them on National TV.
Message: Posted by: Heres Tony (Aug 11, 2009 12:20AM)
TV is not a good example of an outlet that doesn't allow theft.

Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook have stolen most of their material from other comedians.
Message: Posted by: joseph (Aug 11, 2009 09:02PM)
"I hate to end this trick on a sour note."...
Message: Posted by: ray raymond (Aug 13, 2009 10:37AM)
Toss out the piece of fruit(lemon, orange, lime, etc) to the pectator who leant the bill. "Is that a real lemon sir?" " see what twenty bucks will buy you here in(insert name of town here)."

later during the switch "I need a knife, Hey kid you do you have a knife? "no", You got to public school and you don't have a knife?
Message: Posted by: squando (Aug 14, 2009 05:55PM)
I f you burn the bill...envelope, etc.

"I am required to make this announcement. Ladies and Gentlemen this is Bob's money on drugs...any questions."
Message: Posted by: Floyd Collins (Aug 14, 2009 06:47PM)
I use a shredder to destroy the envelopes with all the fire laws and never knowing if you can use fire in most convention centers it is just a safe bet for me.
I say to the helper, “We must now destroy the envelopes you did not pick, you now have a choice we can do this the old fashion way and have a chance to tape it back if your wrong”, pull out cut no cut scissors OR The Max Money Destroyer 200 Government issued Money destroying device, built with poly carbon blades and over haled twin piston engine.” And then I make the noise like Tim the tool man ararar with an evil laugh.
Of course if they pick the scissors we have no choice then to go to the Max Money Destroyer 200 and I repeat the evil laugh every time we destroy an envelope. I hand painted my shredder to say Max Money Destroyer 200 with flames and put a government seal on the back side for the visual element.
When they open the envelope and there is a gray paper that says, OPPS, I then say well there is a lemon law here in the US so I guess I will have to make sure you are well taken care of. I then go and get them a lemon and say have a good day! Of course I then open it and reveal the money; I then say I knew we could count on the government bail out program for this. I now pump my fist and deliver the Obama line YES WE CAN!!

-Floyd
Message: Posted by: scottybarnhart (Aug 14, 2009 06:58PM)
A variation of something after the descrution of bill: "Now you are probably upset that you lost your $100 bill. But to be honest, your $50 bill isn't lost. We have simply transported your $20 bill to another place. Where is your $10 bill now, you ask? You're in luck because I'll show you where you're $5 bill is . . . "

You get the idea. Depending on how small your increments are: it can go on for a very long time.
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Aug 15, 2009 11:21AM)
"The bill might be inside this lemon. Why are all you still looking so sour. I should have brought a bag of sugar to make it appear inside of to sweeten you up."