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Topic: Cute Joke
Message: Posted by: Police Magician (Sep 8, 2009 01:03PM)
Some of you may already have heard this one, as it may be an oldie, but it is a goldie. Glenn


A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of off-color and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and says:

"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair color possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential...because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to that little *** on your knee!"
Message: Posted by: Wanlu (Sep 8, 2009 08:09PM)
Rolling on the floor...laughing with tears. :bigsmile:
Message: Posted by: greatscott (Sep 9, 2009 10:31AM)
That was great!!! Tell me more. LOL
Message: Posted by: TonyB2009 (Sep 11, 2009 07:00PM)
Excellent.
The best ventriloquism joke I ever heard came from a mediocre ventriloquist, but a great showman.
He opened the vent portion of his act by saying: Last night there were complaints about the quality of my ventriloquism. My lip control was so perfect that many people thought I was using a tape. So tonight, for one night only, I am going to let you see my lips moving.
It got a great laugh, and it also papered over the fact that he was not a great ventriloquist.
Message: Posted by: MikeHMagic (Sep 12, 2009 09:19PM)
A ventriloquist meets a young lady in a small farming town, she begs him to come back to the farm and show her father his talent. The farmer is satnding in yard when they arrive, the vent says" Hello cow", the cow replies"hello to you", the vent says to the pig "g"day pig", and the pig replies "G'day to yourself sir".
At this point the farmer says "If that sheep says anything, it's a bloody lie!"
Message: Posted by: Police Magician (Sep 16, 2009 09:12AM)
Tony, love that one. I hope to use it in case someone does see my lips move. In that case, I will restore the lines to fit the post show.

Mike, in this area, I would be afraid of mimicking that vent as it may be true on some of the farms here (lol). Great one as well. Keep um coming.

Glenn
Message: Posted by: MikeHMagic (Sep 16, 2009 11:57AM)
AN irishman & a scottsman walk into a pub, the scot say's "Drinks for the house".
The next day headlines read "Irish ventriloquist found beaten up behind local pub"
Message: Posted by: JimbosMagic (Sep 21, 2009 07:49PM)
Haha
Good one Mike
Message: Posted by: Police Magician (Sep 22, 2009 07:51AM)
I heard another joke which I thought was good, but it does not have to do with a ventriliquist. Rather, it has to do with a dummy.

This guy heard about how pumpkins were soft on the inside and wanted to try one out in a sexual manner. As he was doing his thing in the pumpkin patch a cop arrived on scene and asked him if he knew he was having sex with a pumpkin. The man, not fledging a bit, stated "you mean it is midnight already". So much for the Cinderalla story.

Glenn
Message: Posted by: MikeHMagic (Sep 22, 2009 03:52PM)
A bartender can tell the nationality of his client by putting a fly in thier beer,
An Englishman says " I can't drink that, there's a fly in that!"
An Irishman says " Lookit that fly in there" And drinks his pint
A Scotsman pulls the fly out and says " Spit it out! Ive PAID for that!!!!"
Message: Posted by: mkmager (Oct 6, 2009 12:52PM)
That is great! Now I want to add a blond to my act ;)
Message: Posted by: MikeHMagic (Oct 6, 2009 05:00PM)
What is the difference between a Scotsman and a coconut?

You can get a drink from a coconut

What is the difference between a Scot & small boat?

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