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Topic: Funny line for a failed trick...
Message: Posted by: rcad (Dec 12, 2003 10:49PM)
Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "He should have practiced more so he wouldn't have had to come up with a funny line…"

For my own defense, I'll just say that I *did* this trick with my eyes closed during practicing sessions but because of nervousness, I had forgotten to put some glycerine on my hands. They are so dry that it renders some moves very difficult. As a result, I lost control of my move without realizing it and ended up revealing the wrong card. And it was also the second time only that I actually had an audience in front of me.

That was the confession part.

Now on to the funny part.

The trick I presented involved my 2 jokers finding the spectator's chosen card. I called them my special agents Ker... Joe Ker #1 and Joe Ker #2. Anyways, I pattered quite a lot during the whole thing and they were laughing. The deception in my friend's expression (who was also the hostess of the party) sent a wave of discomfort over the others. As far as I was concerned, my worse fear was actually happening: I had just failed a trick and I couldn't cover it (or at least at the time, didn't think of anything). I stared about 2 seconds at the jokers lying on the table with the wrong card between them. I picked them up quickly and stared in anger at them, arms extended towards the public. I said: "YOU'RE FIRED!" and threw them left and right. The reaction was incredible! I had enough time to go fishing for my cards in a plant pot on the floor before they had stop laughing.

This experience taught me a lesson: I can be funny and quickly come up with a line in even the worse situation while performing. It made me feel good and I won't be as nervous the next time I perform.

And oh yes! I will always remember to put glycerine on my hands before a performance.

How about you? Have you ever had to come up with a funny line because of a trick that didn't turn out as you had wished for?

Richard :stuckinbag:
Message: Posted by: Bob Sanders (Dec 15, 2003 01:26PM)
Once while working a fair I had a very bad day. (Ok, maybe more than one.) Of course, the agent said we would be working indoors with a good stage. That is showbiz for "the stage is a flatbed truck out in the pasture." It had rained all day, the act before me was a rock band (and had to be relatives of the producer) that left its equipment all over the "stage", and the wet microphone could shoot an electrical spark five feet. In spite of the fact there was no place to work and the sound system was lethal, it was one of the largest crowds at the fair and just before dark. The rain had shown some signs of stopping.

Since minor problems don't bother me, I performed as planned. One trick I had planned was the card in balloon done with the wire frame holding the balloon. Things went well except for the fact that when the lever was released to pop the balloon, it completely missed the card. That also was a minor problem. Everything was wet. So the balloon slipped loose and shot about forty feet straight up into the air and then floated out over the river. Such a roaring laughter I had never heard before. (Thank God!) Since the only gun I had was a blank gun and I didn't have time for the suicide note, I went for my wallet.

I explained to the volunteer that when a magician makes a mistake, he has to get his card punched. I opened my wallet to show a miniature Bicycle card faced down. Then I asked the volunteer what card he had selected. It was the six of diamonds. So I let him take out the card to punch it. It was the six of diamonds. If you ever pick up a deck missing the six of diamonds, you'll know I have been there. They are all mine! Don't worry. I'll get it punched.

Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander
Message: Posted by: rcad (Dec 15, 2003 08:24PM)
Wow! That was a great way to recover your trick. When the balloon flew away, I'm sure most people thought it was part of the act, like the magician would never really reveal what the card was! But your creativity allowed you to create a unique moment! Man! This is not a failed trick. You got blessed that day! Good work! :D

Message: Posted by: Daniel Faith (Dec 16, 2003 12:15AM)
Would have been a great moment for the invisible deck!
Message: Posted by: Bob Sanders (Dec 16, 2003 09:21AM)
Some people just believe in miracles. I rely on them.

But I know a good tip when I hear it too. The invisible deck will be handy.

Thanks guys!

Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander
Message: Posted by: Pete Biro (Dec 17, 2003 12:44AM)
That's the first time that ever happened again. (c) Senator Crandall :die:
Message: Posted by: Mr. Muggle (Dec 28, 2003 08:31PM)
I'm not as good as the other guys. - David Williamson
That didn't happen in rehearsal! – Me
I knew I should have stuck to birthday parties. – Me
Never liked that trick anyways. - Amazing J. (I think.)
Never rely on an intern for your setup. - Bill Clinton :confused:

Message: Posted by: Cabrera (Dec 29, 2003 08:26PM)
My line for failed trick "If I wasn't on Prozak I would care!"
Message: Posted by: tony555 (Jan 1, 2004 05:08AM)
My line for a failed trick, "Tommy Cooper made a fortune doing tricks like this"
Message: Posted by: Bill Palmer (Jan 19, 2004 05:00PM)
Just one problem -- very few people on our side of the pond have any idea who Tommy Cooper was. Too bad. He was very funny.

My favorite is "OH @#$%, I @#$%^& up again!"
Message: Posted by: Peter Marucci (Jan 20, 2004 07:04AM)
This may be an out for a screw-up; I don't know.

I was assisting the late, great Frank Garcia ("The Man With The Million-Dollar Hands") and the idea was that the chosen card would appear face-up in a face-down, ribbon-spread deck.

When Frank spread the deck, the chosen card was face up -- but so were three other cards!

Without missing a beat, Frank pointed to the three indifferent cards and said, "These cards list the days of the month when I am allowed to do this trick" and then, pointing to the chosen card, he said, ". . . and this is your card."

It was so well done that no one there, myself included, was sure that it was a mistake; maybe it was supposed to happen that way, we thought. It wasn't until much later that I realized it was a superbly covered error!

Peter Marucci
Message: Posted by: avimagic (Apr 22, 2004 05:24PM)
Three years ago I was levitating myself with the Yogano chair levitation in front of a packed hotel ballroom at the PGA in West Palm Beach.

The chair malfunctioned-- when it reached the highest point the gimmick didn't reverse and I found myself stuck in the fully-levitated position. (To this day, my assistants get the giggles imitating the look on my face when THAT happened).

There was no way to cover the screw-up-- all I could do was find a way to get out without exposing the secret. I could have jumped off, but that would have revealed the gimmick. So, one of my assistants came out and tilted the chair back so that I ended up laying on my back on the floor. We covered the chair with a cloth and I jumped up.

The only words I could bring myself to say were:

"Well, folks, looks like that one just got voted off the island."

As long as Survivor stays on TV, feel free to use that line!

Message: Posted by: Andini (Apr 22, 2004 09:54PM)
"And the silk is gone!" Open your hands and the thumbtip tumbles to the ground.

Message: Posted by: cardman1990 (Apr 22, 2004 11:46PM)
If you drop something you can call it a floor show
Message: Posted by: Rob Johnston (Apr 23, 2004 12:58PM)
Mac King's Line:

"That would have been cool though!"
Message: Posted by: spatrick (Apr 25, 2004 03:16PM)
Gladys! Start the car! I'll be there in a minute!! - Aldo Columbini

S. Patrick
Message: Posted by: Fan of the Cafe (Apr 26, 2004 10:33AM)
No one said my favorite when something goes awry:

Well,...mistakes do happen.
My parents said that's how I got here.

Message: Posted by: John C (Apr 26, 2004 06:17PM)
If it is a card trick and I mess up a few times or maybe the spectator is trying to mess me up and I don't want to tell them that I am 100% certain that that was their card I do this:

"What day is this?" I ask.

"Saturday." comes the reply.

"Oh, well, that's the problem. On Saturday I can only have you select a card I can't find it. On Saturday I have these guys find the card."

After saying that I pull out my baseball cards (a trick from Myer Yedid) and go into that trick where the baseball player ends up with the selected card right in the baseball card.

It works great and they think that it was planned...I hope!

Sometimes if I had mess up I actually absurdly mess up a few more times then ask the question.

Message: Posted by: Jon Gallagher (Apr 27, 2004 10:51AM)
One night at a church show, I had three Fantasio vanishing candles set up in a candleabra. I picked up the first one, put a silk over it, wisked the silk away... and the tiny thing left over after you vanish the candle went rolling across the stage. I couldn't believe I'd missed catching it.

I grabbed the second one. Same result. The audience is starting to titter.

Third candle, same result. I missed catching all three candles.

As the third one rolled away, I looked up at the audience and said, "You know, I've always hated that gravity thing."

They roared, and I took the Fantasio candles out of the show when I got home.
Message: Posted by: redstreak (Apr 27, 2004 02:59PM)
A friend of mine made this up on the spot when a trick went wrong, "Now, while I pretend to mess up a trick, my assistant is leading an elephant into the other room."
Message: Posted by: pastorclyde (Apr 27, 2004 03:48PM)
I once made an expensive diamond ring disappear with the idea of having it reappear in a sealed container. It was a gospel message and the ring was to be the risen Christ and the sealed container, the sealed upper room.

When the spectator opened the container I asked him to describe what he saw. He mentioned various food items but no ring. I finally asked, and is there anything in there that looks like a ring? He said, "Nope!" I looked and saw that he was correct. I replied, "And Jesus wasn't where He was expected to be either!" After the laugh I found the ring for the lady and went on... :(
Message: Posted by: joseph (Apr 29, 2004 06:54AM)
I like, "Let's have a moment of silence for this failed trick."
Message: Posted by: Chris C. (May 22, 2004 09:16AM)
I usually say something like, "It's all part of the show, folks...the part that hasn't been rehearsed."

"I forgot to compensate for the rotational effects of the earth."

"The real magician will be here shortly."
Message: Posted by: Reis O'Brien (May 23, 2004 10:22AM)
"Let's have a moment of silence for this failed trick."

"The real magician will be here shortly".

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! These are the BEST! Thanks for such a great thread, everyone!
Message: Posted by: abc (May 24, 2004 11:11AM)
If it is a card trick regardless of whether I messed up or the spec is fooling around I say, "I'm wrong? I am never wrong. There was one time when I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken."

Everything else I just say the same line as Bill Palmer. Gee I love that line.
Message: Posted by: Joey Evans (May 24, 2004 06:06PM)
After I messed up a card trick I said, "Well, I guess I shouldn't practice in front of my two-year-old daughter. Well, she likes this one too, and I think I have it down." I then take out my keys and shake them in front of them. This got a great reaction, although it was at a PTA meeting.
Message: Posted by: The Village Idiots (May 25, 2004 06:53AM)
This came out on the fly one show and I keep it in my back pocket at all times. If something goes unmistakably awry I stare in disbelief. Pause. Then as I scrap whatever it is I was working with I say, "Last time I buy something from MagicTricks.com."

Came up with it working with a crappy head chopper. The secret part fell out on the ground leaving the entire effect exposed and the volunteer still on his knees staring down at it. Funny, I sold the thing on magictricks.com the next week.
Message: Posted by: sniper1 (May 26, 2004 08:14PM)
Usually I always manage to come up with something. One time I remember when turning the card over to have the wrong selection I took another one out and another, then I said, "Don't worry, only 48 left to go. I'm sure I'll find it sooner or later."

Another sure fire way which I found is to have a printout in your pocket which has written large on the front THE EASY TO DO CARD TRICK WHICH NEVER FAILS and some diagrams of hands and instuctions on the other side. I look at them for a couple of second as if figuring out where I went wrong. Then I get a Sharpie out and cross out NEVER FAILS.
Message: Posted by: abc (May 31, 2004 10:20AM)
Sniper. That's a killer. LOL
Message: Posted by: MAGICADZ (Jun 4, 2004 04:13AM)

Message: Posted by: meilechl (Jun 13, 2004 07:53PM)
"If you think that was a mistake you shoulda seen my first wife..."
Message: Posted by: Fishsticks (Jun 17, 2004 10:13AM)
"Sorry folks, it's in my contract to mess that one up."
Message: Posted by: The Village Idiots (Jun 18, 2004 10:56AM)
Our show is 75 percent juggling so we don't have much magic that can go wrong. Magicians always tell me how easy it is for me to make a joke about a juggling mistake and how hard it is for magicians. My theory is jugglers have more room for error and we have to get good at covering mistakes. But he was right. It is easier for the audience to forgive a juggler if he then succeeds at the trick. With magic, if it is already busted, how can you go on?

To stay with the forum topic...

The end of our opener can be very tricky. A lot can go wrong and sometimes does. Now I think openers are more important than finales. They set the pace for the whole show. If you open strong the audience is going to be with you more throughout the whole show. So blowing the opener is a bad thing but it happens. When it does we walk down stage.

Will: Welcome to live theater folks.

Wally: Sometimes we mess up.

Will: By the end, you'll be used to it.

Not really a joke but it works for us. We have a ton of drop jokes but that is the only one I can think of that could work with magic.

Another good one I just thought of. I think this is stock.

"Just like a well oiled machine... Made in Taiwan."
Message: Posted by: Al Kazam the Magic Man (Jun 18, 2004 12:14PM)
Funny Will, I have a stiff rope that won't go stiff and I use the line that it's "Made in China"! I can get away with it because we are living in Taiwan, and many of the cheaper stuff is now made in China rather than Taiwan.

Message: Posted by: AmazingEARL (Jun 18, 2004 04:24PM)
"Gee, it worked in rehearsal..."

"Well, you knew I wasn't Copperfield when I got up here!"

My version on The Village Idiots post: "That's the last time I buy magic stuff on Ebay..."

"I got that trick from Copperfield...and was he glad to get rid of it."

"Hey, they can't all be gems at these prices."

"What do you think I am...a MAGICIAN?!"

"What did you expect? You got in here for free, didn't you? (No they didn't) Really?! Boy, did YOU get gypped..."

"Mom told me there'd be days like this...never said there'd be so **** many of them in a row, though."

"Makes me sorry I quit Med School."

"One more time and I go back to the home."

My favorite one was impromptu about two years ago (too dated to use now). A balloon burst as I was inflating it. I picked up the pieces, looked at them closely.

I also keep a copy of [i]Magic for Dummies[/i] handy and refer to it when something goes wrong. ;)

Dan Wolfe, aka. "The Amazing EARL"
Message: Posted by: Svengali (Jun 20, 2004 01:09AM)
"It works at home..."
Message: Posted by: CamelotFX (Jun 22, 2004 12:53AM)
I was doing "You Do Like I Do" at a party and I realized that I was in trouble after a missed move but I continued with the trick knowing that I had a one-in-52 chance of staying alive. My victim turned his card and I turned mine. They were identical! Hey, always push the odds... sometimes you win! Don't drop the gag line until it's absolutely necessary... it might not be.
Message: Posted by: Wizzy (Jun 22, 2004 04:05AM)
Anyone want to buy a second hand trick?—Cheap!

It worked when I bought it.
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 22, 2004 07:23AM)
On 2004-06-22 01:53, CamelotFX wrote:
I was doing "You Do Like I Do" at a party and I realized that I was in trouble after a missed move but I continued with the trick knowing that I had a one-in-52 chance of staying alive. My victim turned his card and I turned mine. They were identical! Hey, always push the odds... sometimes you win! Don't drop the gag line until it's absolutely necessary... it might not be.
I do a combination of an ambitious card and then letting five or so specs select the same card. One of the guys I was showing it to the other night grabbed the pack to see how many of the cards were the same and then shuffled it and took out a card and said now it is impossible.

My response as I took back the pack was "nothing is impossible" with a smile but I was thinking what an ****. Then he turned the card over. One in 52 sometimes happens. LOL
Message: Posted by: Carron (Jun 25, 2004 11:22AM)
Take out a piece of paper marked 'instructions' and read aloud, "This trick will not work on a (day of the week) at the (venue) for (name of client)'s party." This usually gets a laugh.

Is there a magician in the house???!!!

I got this one out of [i]Magic For Dummies[/i].

The man in the magic shop said it was foolPROOF.
Message: Posted by: Smudge (Jun 25, 2004 07:36PM)
If I ever drop something I say, "Lucky that floor was there, otherwise it would have just kept on going."
Message: Posted by: G. LaBarre (Jun 27, 2004 06:14PM)
If you drop a TT (or you could intentionally drop it, just to use the line) just say it's one of those new cosmetically pleasing Bandaids for protecting a finger injury, like stitches.
Message: Posted by: Smudge (Jun 28, 2004 08:14AM)
You could always say, I don't have to do this you know. I could always go back to picking pockets.
Message: Posted by: joseph (Jun 29, 2004 06:59AM)
"If I didn't make a mistake once in a while, you would think this stuff is too easy."
Message: Posted by: cpatchett (Jul 2, 2004 12:55AM)
On 2004-06-18 13:14, JoJo wrote:
Funny Will, I have a stiff rope that won't go stiff and I use the line that it's "Made in China"!
The line I'd use would have something to do with Viagra!

Here's a couple of general failure lines:

"You call that magic?! What kind of audience are you?"

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's what it would look like if Microsoft made magic tricks." OR

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's what it would look like if the government built magic tricks."

"I like to lower expectations every now and then so it's easier to exceed them."

"You're fired!" (I know someone else mentioned it already but it's especially good these days.)

"That one was dedicated to all the people in my life who said I'd never amount to anything."

"Failure is highly underrated."

"I need to maintain my amateur status so I can try out for the magic olympics."

And the ever popular:

"I meant to do that." (Delivered as drolly as possible.)

Message: Posted by: The Great Smartini (Jul 15, 2004 12:44AM)
Does anyone else hate this line as much as me? I've seen shows where several performers have used this line...it didn't fly:

On 2004-04-23 00:46, cardman1990 wrote:
If you drop something you can call it a floor show
Message: Posted by: naturalturn (Jul 24, 2004 03:57AM)
Perhaps a bit passe, though it might depend on the demographics of the audience, as well as how well the line was delivered.

Message: Posted by: PROFED (Jul 24, 2004 04:27PM)
On my first paid show as an adult, the spectator pried my fingers off one of the few non-force cards, which I really lost in the deck. I asked her what was her card, she said two of clubs, and I turned over the three of clubs. I said close enough and the audience agreed with me.
Message: Posted by: The Mighty Fool (Jul 27, 2004 03:15AM)
"I didn't think this was worth 700 dollars when I bought it either!"

Before doing a stage or street show (or sometimes even before a table show If I think I'm going to be there long enough) I tell everyone that if I screw...uhm...when, make that WHEN I screw up, everybody remember to say "way to go Larry!" Got it? Okay then.... And I proceed with the show. If I make a mistake, I clap, motion to the audience, and they say the line, usually in unison the first time and ALWAYS the second time, and it gets laughs!
Message: Posted by: HarbinJr. (Jul 27, 2004 11:52AM)
I do a one manned illusion show where there are no assistants. I have to roll everything on and off the stage. I also have to control my own lights and sound. You can imagine how many things go wrong in this kind of show. In the opening of the show I open with a arabian tent and then discover my assistant is not in there and I get a cell phone call on stage telling me that she is running late. I simply roll my eyes and go on with the show. If a trick does fail on stage I would say that "WOW....it did the same thing in rehearsals"

A few years ago I was doing a headchopper routine and the blade in the tracks that the people see the whole time (not the secret blade) fell out but showing the fake blade. I picked up the blade off the floor and looked at the girl on stage with me, I said "Who needs this anyway?" Then told someone offstage to get my black box and we went on with the show.

Message: Posted by: magicduro (Jul 27, 2004 09:11PM)
"I said I'm ____ not Merlin!"
Message: Posted by: el toro (Aug 13, 2004 01:35AM)
ONCE, ONCE. I wish this would work ONCE.
Message: Posted by: DrBob (Aug 13, 2004 08:15PM)
"Funny, the guy I bought this from on Ebay said it didn't work for him either"!
Message: Posted by: AlmostAmazingJames (Aug 14, 2004 10:14PM)
MAGICIAN - And your card magically jumps to the top of the pack!


SPECTATOR - That's not my card

MAGICIAN - And magically changes into the ten of diamonds!
Message: Posted by: full circle (Aug 19, 2004 12:58AM)
Never say WHOOPS!

Message: Posted by: cpatchett (Aug 19, 2004 11:07AM)
"OK, perhaps that WASN'T the magic word."

"That may have appeared to be a mistake but in magic we call it 'misdirection'. If you turn around you'll notice that the mysterious gypsy woman at the back of the room has now disappeared."

Or, to steal a line from Steven Wright:

"That may have appeared to be a mistake but in magic we call it 'misdirection'. If you look around you'll notice that everything in the room has disappeared and been replaced with an exact duplicate."

Message: Posted by: Chris C. (Aug 19, 2004 11:15AM)
"That's the first time that ever happened again."
Message: Posted by: cpatchett (Aug 19, 2004 01:12PM)
"The last time I did that the audience disappeared."

"I'll send that one to the Air Force and they can drop it on Bin Laden."

"I have this theory that if I make a mistake every once and a while it makes the rest of my act look much more impressive. Is it working?"

Message: Posted by: amadrigal (Aug 30, 2004 05:26AM)
A great recovery for the spec card lost in deck has been "oh really what was your card (while looking for their card to bring to the top... secretly yes while looking thought the deck)lets start again (forcing same card and reminding them to) show everyone and remember your card...... I get the AHHHH he knew it all along very good reaction for forcing the same card and actually doing thre intended trick or more into an ambitious routine.
Message: Posted by: JasonbytheOcean (Dec 30, 2004 05:11PM)
I've gotten a laugh from this one, at a show where I was volunteering,

"Well, when [the organizers] asked me to volunteer today, I told them they'd get exactly what they were paying for!" Mind you, I am very careful to follow it up with something that works.....

Thanks for the other lines, folks - great stuff!
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Dec 31, 2004 04:41AM)
What are you looking at?
So you did not like that!
Tommy Copper use to say "Just like That".
If you have never seen this British king of comedy I strongly suggest you get one of his video’s.
Just Like That.
Message: Posted by: Wolflock (Jan 3, 2005 08:31AM)
Turn to assistant - Stop playing tricks on me.

Force card, lose card (quite literally) show wrong card.
Specator: That was not my card.
You: I didn't think so... (Keep shuffling cards, look back at spectator) ...oh! Were you wanting to see a trick? Sorry, I thought you were just facinated with me shuffling cards. I was beginning to think that my shuffling had gotten better.

(Throw cards over your shoulder) That was my favourite trick... until a minute ago. (Take out a new pack)
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Jan 3, 2005 12:13PM)
First time this trick has ever done that
Message: Posted by: Wolflock (Jan 5, 2005 08:06AM)
Sorry folks, they are a new deck and not properly trained yet. (Turn to cards) I told you before, ONLY on the newspaper.
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Jan 5, 2005 01:02PM)
And that's one of the ways this trick works ladies and gentlemen.
Message: Posted by: bnadworn (Jan 5, 2005 01:36PM)
After doing a failed card trick: "So... would you like to see a card trick?"

I then find out what the card was and force it as the next selection in the next trick. The invisible deck is a wonderful back up as well. (for cards).

Once I was doing a show and pulled out a prop that had unset itself so I couldn't use it. I quickly put it back in the case and said to the audience: "Why did I bring that anyway?"

Maybe you would rather see a card trick?

- Brian Nadworny
Message: Posted by: Wolflock (Jan 6, 2005 05:11AM)
Last time that trick will ever do that.
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Jan 6, 2005 06:24AM)
Awe Gee why a Last time did you kill it.
Message: Posted by: Wolflock (Jan 7, 2005 02:51AM)
No but it almost killed me.
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Jan 7, 2005 09:42AM)
I think some of these jokes are killing the people to.
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Feb 14, 2005 07:02PM)
I work mainly for adults, so....

"Well, I pretty much ************* that up, didn't I?"

Roars of laughter.
Message: Posted by: The Donster (Feb 14, 2005 10:39PM)
Last Thursday night. I was doing a Handcuff Escape and trying to get out of them by spinning around. I spun around the First time and my reply was still locked in.
Message: Posted by: bnadworn (Feb 15, 2005 10:02PM)
That wasn't your card?!?! That is strange. How about that one? That one? That one? Repeat showing the next card until audience says yes.

That was so your card. You big liar! I'm a magician and I know! (This would probably also get a free escort out of the establisment too).

Now that we've got that out of the way its time for some real magic.
Message: Posted by: Phil Thomas (Feb 15, 2005 11:06PM)
I always look at them and say, "What did you expect? Magic?"

Or "It worked when that guy on TV did it".

And "If at first you don't succeed, don't go skydiving."
Message: Posted by: nathanallen (Feb 21, 2005 11:20AM)
I enjoy pulling a card out of my pocket and saying "was this your card?"... to somebody I just started talking to.

"I didn't pick a card."

"Oh. Right." Look sheepish and put the card away.
Message: Posted by: evanthx (Feb 21, 2005 01:28PM)
I've always liked "What do you think I am, a magician?!"
Message: Posted by: blsorg (Mar 5, 2005 01:02PM)
Only for adult shows, in certain situations:

"Sorry about that folks. I'm having a bad day. This morning my car wouldn't start... the battery wouldn't bat, the carburetor wouldn't carb... and the pistons wouldn't... well, they wouldn't work either!"
Message: Posted by: Mike Brezler (Mar 11, 2005 01:18AM)
If a trick fails... sometimes I say "I must have used the wrong magic words.

When a cool trick like "Out of this world" works and people are fasintated by it, I say "WOW, that's the first time this trick ever worked. You have amazing mental abilities!" It makes them feel great about themselves.
Message: Posted by: Father Photius (Mar 19, 2005 09:01PM)
Once getting ready to do a square circle routine, I lifted out the tube and fake to show the box empty, but just as I cleared the box, the gimmick fell out on the table, and I said, "Presto! A black tube appears out of nowhere!...and now for my next trick..."
Message: Posted by: alekei (Mar 25, 2005 07:38PM)
When you make a mistake and expose the method:

"o.k, Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the show "Revealing the Magicians secrets"

"The Masked Magician pays me to do this kind of stuff" (generally for an audience of magicians)
Message: Posted by: Comet (Mar 30, 2005 10:18PM)
On 2003-12-17 01:44, Pete Biro wrote:
That's the first time that ever happened again. (c) Senator Crandall :die:

Ya beat me to it! I was going to offer that line but I couldn't remember Senator's name. thanks!
Joe Comet
Message: Posted by: Frank Tougas (Apr 7, 2005 01:09PM)
"Gee it worked great in rehearsal"
"Today I am auctioning off a great prop"
"Rats! And the warranty is up too!"

Okay I don't know if they're funny but this post puts me at 1000!

TaDa! Frank Tougas
Message: Posted by: Sonny Vegas (Apr 8, 2005 08:42AM)
*** If a trick crashes and burns and reveals the gimmick.... I usually tell the audience "Consider yourselves lucky, It cost me 50 bucks to find out how this trick worked!"

Sonny Vegas
Message: Posted by: Mr_Matthew_Charles (Apr 21, 2005 05:01PM)
If I ever mess up, I cry.
Message: Posted by: Sonny Vegas (Apr 26, 2005 04:14PM)
I had shown a guy the 'pen thru the dollar' trick last week, well today he saw me again and insisted I do the trick again for him, well I do tend to carry magic with me, but the pen was at home. I told him that it wasnt a magic moment and I couldn't perform the trick. He insisted I do the 'pen thru the dollar' trick, once again I said "How about something else?" " No!" he said and proceeded to hand me a $20 dollar bill. Well, with his friends looking intently, I grabbed a pen out of my pocket and went throught the motions. I held up the pen with the dollar pierced and he said to his friends "See! I told you he could do it".
After literally pulling the pen out of the 20 I handed it back to him hole and all.
He looked at me and said, "There's a hole in my twenty!". You should have seen the look on his face. I replied "I told you it wasnt a magic moment.... I think with the look on your face it's a Kodak moment."

Nobody got hurt in this incident, just a big laugh at his insistant stupidity.
Message: Posted by: Cao314159 (Apr 27, 2005 02:52AM)
Lol that's nice.....similar experience - I did that trick for a friend and he claimed it was all a gimmick. He procedes to grab my pen (which was switched into examination mode) and thrust it through his dollar. It of course was shredded and everone was laughing at him. It didn't help that I proceeded to do it again with the whole part of the now shredded dollar. Too funny...
Message: Posted by: EvanTheMagicMan (Mar 15, 2006 05:29PM)
Great recovery, despite all hte mishapds you pulled it on through. Good job!
Message: Posted by: JSBLOOM (Aug 22, 2006 09:07AM)
I did not see this one yet:
It worked in the magic store.
Message: Posted by: Jonton (Aug 23, 2006 03:52PM)
If I drop or fumble with something: "Aren’t ya glad I’m not a doctor?"

After dropping something: "Gravity…not just a good idea, it’s the Law!" (Eric Henning)

After a failed trick, or a disclaimer to an impromptu trick: "Oh, no…this was just an experiment. And experiments often times don’t work, so you shouldn’t be disappointed." (My take on a Michael Finney line)

After dropping something: "Don’t worry folks. I’m ALL RIGHT!"

After a failed trick: 'Well I’ll be d*mned…" continue onto next trick

After an extremely horribly failed trick: "Wait, let me start over…Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jonathan…" (my take on Mac King’s line)

Simply a good sucker line: "As I dribble the cards, put your card into the deck…(spectator does)…on the count of three…you ba$tard! *Look through the deck quickly, vigorously, and angered*" (Simon Lovell)

I've seen a few new ones here in this thread that I will most definitely be using...
Message: Posted by: kOnO (Aug 24, 2006 12:27PM)
Message: Posted by: Christopher Starr (Sep 2, 2006 11:20PM)
Tricks are like Ford's.....some of them work, and some of them don't! :rolleyes:
Message: Posted by: Vibono Magic (Sep 5, 2006 11:36AM)
"I'm deffenatly giving this back to Copperfeild"

"it looked so easy on TV"

"don't blame me, blame my teatchers"

prop falls a part or on the floor: "I knew I should stop buying my props from IKEA"

"ok so I'm not so god at tricks as my sister, but then she started earlier"

w"hy does bad things always hapend to me first my hamster, then my marrige and now this"

"it said easy do do on the box when I bought it... yhea right"

"ok, so I confess I didd coolor my hair from blond."

"ok I'm hand som, god looking but I suck at card tricks"
Message: Posted by: Vibono Magic (Sep 9, 2006 07:14AM)
Ok some more

"why are you complaining? I'm the one who payed good mony to buy this trick"
"That's some 100 houers of my life... whaisted"
I knwe I shouldn't be buying magic out of someones cartrunk, esecially when his first names were "the great"!
Message: Posted by: Bennie90 (Sep 9, 2006 10:54AM)
My magic coloring book doesn't work always 100% so I use breakaway wand with it, the magic wand is broken! that's why the trick doesn't work properly.
Message: Posted by: Wolflock (Sep 11, 2006 09:04AM)
Look at the trick gone wrong and say, "Well I'll be ***ed! So that's how it works!"
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Sep 11, 2006 05:58PM)
Staring in Disbelief or while picking up the pieces

, Very Loudly Mumble...

" I guess I should have read the directions...."
Message: Posted by: Jonton (Sep 13, 2006 08:28PM)
On 2006-09-11 10:04, Wolflock wrote:
Look at the trick gone wrong and say, "Well I'll be ***ed! So that's how it works!"

Very nice...something I will be using the next time (it's sad how I'm almost required to say 'next time')
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Sep 14, 2006 05:45AM)
Next time, yes there will be a next time...

I do primarily the outdoor venues, ie commando street known as busking.

And with all the uncontrolled variables, such as weather, crowd, and other external factors, there is always a next time.
Message: Posted by: SIX (Sep 18, 2006 04:39PM)
Hahahaha..Thats hilarious what you did!I find it more funny becouse of the Joe Ker..Theres a member on the Café, a friend of mine by the name Joseph Kerr..We call him Joe Kerr...And its his name lol
Message: Posted by: Destiny (Sep 25, 2006 06:28AM)
I used to work with a trained bird act wherein between riding bikes and firing cannons one of the birds would perform a magic trick.

...Audience member would choose a card... I would shuffle to bottom and, of course, pass to the cockatoo in front of the rest of the deck...

About 4 times a year the bird would decide she was sick of it, snatch the card with her beak, and then rip it to pieces with one foot and the beak. I'd be reduced to trying to hold up all the dropped pieces to show it had destroyed the correct card.

There was no point saying anything - pulling faces did it all - sometimes with dead audiences I would try to will the bird to rip the card up.
Message: Posted by: ed rhodes (Sep 30, 2006 11:04AM)
On 2005-04-26 17:14, Sonny Vegas wrote:
I had shown a guy the 'pen thru the dollar' trick last week, well today he saw me again and insisted I do the trick again for him, well I do tend to carry magic with me, but the pen was at home. I told him that it wasnt a magic moment and I couldn't perform the trick. He insisted I do the 'pen thru the dollar' trick, once again I said "How about something else?" " No!" he said and proceeded to hand me a $20 dollar bill. Well, with his friends looking intently, I grabbed a pen out of my pocket and went throught the motions. I held up the pen with the dollar pierced and he said to his friends "See! I told you he could do it".
After literally pulling the pen out of the 20 I handed it back to him hole and all.
He looked at me and said, "There's a hole in my twenty!". You should have seen the look on his face. I replied "I told you it wasnt a magic moment.... I think with the look on your face it's a Kodak moment."

Nobody got hurt in this incident, just a big laugh at his insistant stupidity.

wow! Most people I know would have gotten seriously annoyed at getting a $20 bill ripped on them. So much so that the only response would probably have been physical in nature! You got lucky!
Message: Posted by: The Mac (Oct 3, 2006 05:58PM)
You say"oh it gets worse..u see I read on the magic Café abt wat 2 say wen dis happens but I cant remember anythng I read"den pull out a gun"*** I left the bullets at home"u search urself"i lost my keys" you phne ur frend who admits he has feelngs u!u move on
Message: Posted by: sniper1 (Oct 5, 2006 07:28PM)
Forgot who said this line , so I cant really give credit to whom came up with it

You know , I actually wanted to study and become a doctor or a lawyer , but my mother forced me to become a comedy magician , otherwise she would have kicked me out of the house
Message: Posted by: Tom Stevens (Jan 12, 2009 07:45PM)
I once performed a routine where a predicted celebrity photo is retrieved from an envelope.

I made up the trick for the client who said that her son really liked a particular sports team (a sports team I knew nothing about).

When I ended the routine pulled out the photo of the prediction and it was the wrong one.

But I didn't know it was wrong because I did not recognize the player.

The kids all yelled out "That's Jarred Roughead"

So I immediately yelled out, "WELL! IT'S PRETTY CLOSE!"

The parents laughed and I just went on to another routine.
Message: Posted by: jay leslie (Jan 13, 2009 12:43PM)
While performing the Zombie for a bunch of cops, at a holiday party, the ball flew off - and landed against the wall.

I looked at them and announced "Like nothing ever goes wrong where you work!"

Brought the house down... then we had to call the fire department to rescue us because the police union does not allow them to work in rubble.
Message: Posted by: thescienceworks (Jan 14, 2009 11:25PM)
My perfect line is not a line but a trick...I use a Lota bowl in my show, and whenever I can't do a trick but the child can do it (as planned), I say, "I know why that happened...I forgot to pour the water!"

On rare occasions when a trick REALLY messes up, I just jump right to that.

Message: Posted by: BIGmagiclV (Jan 27, 2009 11:39PM)
"My therapist told me to fail on purpose every once in a while just to stay humble."
Message: Posted by: apple123 (Mar 4, 2009 10:13AM)
"You're not leaving until I get it right."
Message: Posted by: scottds80 (Mar 6, 2009 06:21AM)
"I will be giving free vasectomies after the show."
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Mar 8, 2009 08:35AM)
I knew I shouldn't of bought that from China.
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Mar 12, 2009 05:18AM)
At least it works in front of blondes.
Message: Posted by: MJP (Apr 9, 2009 09:43PM)
Captain Crunch is a liar!
Message: Posted by: Larry Bean (Apr 9, 2009 11:02PM)
On 2009-04-09 22:43, MJP wrote:
Captain Crunch is a liar!

Now that is funny!
Message: Posted by: michaelmystic2003 (Jun 26, 2009 03:04AM)
*Adjusts collar nervously*... WHEW! It's so quiet, you could hear a career drop.
Message: Posted by: lebowski (Jun 26, 2009 08:15AM)
Always have a children's How to Do Magic book handy to refer to when screwing up.
Message: Posted by: isaacfawlkes (Jun 26, 2009 01:55PM)
I have a friend who when something goes wrong jumps off the stage, run to an empty seat, sits down, and screams "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. Always gets a great reaction.
Message: Posted by: lebowski (Jun 26, 2009 02:23PM)
Is this a running gag? How many times does he screw up per performance.
Message: Posted by: hacketr2 (Jul 23, 2009 05:03AM)
Guys I perform some of the rope moves from Richard Sanders Fiber Optics and it has happened that the small piece of rope sometimes falls off...when doing the sliding down the rope phase...can any of you think of a clever line for this situation? maybe "tie" in a line with the word "end(s)" in it or even just something different yet that justifies the reason for saying it during a rope trick? thanks?
Message: Posted by: Maloney (Jul 23, 2009 10:55AM)
My favorite is..

I forgot to compensate for the rotational effects of the earth.

Gets a laugh every time!
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Jul 23, 2009 12:49PM)
"Well, there goes my pay check."