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Topic: Famous Quotes: Who said it??
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (May 10, 2004 12:02AM)
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine!"

"Go ahead and play the blues if it will make you happy!"


these are two quotes from this person. Any guesses who it was who spoke them?

I'll post more quotes later.
Message: Posted by: KerryJK (May 10, 2004 05:16AM)
Homer Simpson.

Here's a couple more from someone else, the first one is words to live by. The second may be a bit of a giveaway, but I want to give you people a chance of getting it!

"Rats, I'm never so stupid as when I'm being smart".

"There are three things I've learnt never to discuss with people; religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin".
Message: Posted by: kihei kid (May 10, 2004 07:26AM)
Not familiar with the 1st one but the 2nd is Charlie Brown.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“The future ain’t what it used to be.”
Message: Posted by: Jordini (May 10, 2004 12:46PM)
My music teacher used to say the fork in the road bit....

"Only two things are infinite, the universe, and human stupidity, but I'm not quite so sure about the former."
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (May 10, 2004 05:11PM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 06:16, HelenHeld wrote:
Homer Simpson.

[/quote]

Dang, that was fast! C'mon now, be honest. Did you google that?

OK, heres a couple more Homerism's.

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"

"Because theyr'e stupid, that's why! That's why everybody does everything!"

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college!"

"Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

LOL, LOL!!
Message: Posted by: blindbo (May 10, 2004 06:11PM)
The kid's quote smells of Yogi Berra.
Jordini, if yours isn't WC Fields it probably should be.

Now, mine: There's always a garbage disposal on sale at Sears.

Really, its mine.
Message: Posted by: Craig Krisulevicz (May 10, 2004 07:31PM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 13:46, Jordini wrote:

"Only two things are infinate, the universe, and human stupidity, but I'm not quite so sure about the former."
[/quote]

Einstein.

Here's a tricky one...
"If you want a friend, get a dog."
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (May 10, 2004 07:34PM)
HA, Ha HA!!!

Hey Buzz, your girlfriend...WOOF!! (From the movie Home Alone -Mckauley Caulkin (SP)
Message: Posted by: KerryJK (May 10, 2004 07:47PM)
[quote]Dang, that was fast! C'mon now, be honest. Did you google that? [/quote]

Sadly not, I just watch the Simpsons a lot.
Message: Posted by: Jordini (May 10, 2004 09:31PM)
Favorite Homer Simpson Quote: (to flanders)
"Can Jesus Microwave a burrito so hot that not even he himself could eat it?"
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 19:11, blindbo wrote:
The kid's quote smells of Yogi Berra.
Jordini, if yours isn't WC Fields it probably should be.

Now, mine: There's always a garbage disposal on sale at Sears.

Really, its mine.
[/quote]
Fraid Craig got this one right, it was Einstein. He also said "God does not play dice."
Message: Posted by: Magix (May 10, 2004 09:38PM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 08:26, kihei kid wrote:
Not familiar with the 1st one but the 2nd is Charlie Brown.
[/quote]

Actually, I think it was Linus.

Here's another -

"The only thing wrong with the Baptists is that they don't hold them under the water long enough."
Message: Posted by: x-treem (May 11, 2004 01:25AM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 22:38, Magix wrote:
Here's another -

"The only thing wrong with the Baptists is that they don't hold them under the water long enough."
[/quote]

Actually the quote SHOULD be Southern Baptists (which it originally was). We from the North are pretty tame and laid back.

X
Message: Posted by: kihei kid (May 11, 2004 04:29AM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-10 19:11, blindbo wrote:
The kid's quote smells of Yogi Berra.
[/quote]
Right you are.

Magix is right I am wrong, ooops.

Here's one...

“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
Message: Posted by: Magix (May 11, 2004 07:11AM)
X-treem,

You're probably right about what it SHOULD be, but I think I quoted the source accurately. Either way, you sounded in your post as if you know who said it but you didn't give a name. So.. still no answer? Anyone?
Message: Posted by: x-treem (May 11, 2004 09:16PM)
The originator of the quote used Southen Baptist so I was just correcting it (Plus I'm a Nothern Baptist, that is the main reasoning for the correction:))

I know who said it BUT want someone else to figure it out. I did my time in the song lines thread.

X
Message: Posted by: Ellen Kotzin (May 12, 2004 10:46AM)
"Im not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Ellen
Message: Posted by: abc (May 15, 2004 07:51AM)
Woody Allen
Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? Is it because we are not the person involved.
Message: Posted by: Jordini (May 15, 2004 10:35PM)
"If a tree falls in the forest, and we've already sold the tree, does it have quality"
Message: Posted by: Chrystal (May 16, 2004 09:41AM)
Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, "Who's responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld
Message: Posted by: Jason Wethington (May 18, 2004 09:38AM)
"When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything that happens comes there 10 years later than anywhere else."
Message: Posted by: KerryJK (May 18, 2004 11:39AM)
The flaw with that is if you are then asked to back up that statement with examples and incontrovertible evidence. Are you such a master debater that you could outargue, for example, Nelson Mandela (or any professional politician for that matter)? If so, please explain what basis you have for this rather bold claim, with accompanying examples of arguments, analysis of your hypothetical opponent's known debating patterns and certificate of omniscience from any recognised body responsible for that sort of thing. Wait, come back, I haven't finished...

Transfix that within your pipe and fulminate it.

Oh, no idea who said it either. Sorry.
Message: Posted by: Police Magician (May 19, 2004 09:31AM)
"WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE; ME OR YOUR LYING EYES?

Said by a criminal who we saw committing a crime.

Glenn
Message: Posted by: Police Magician (May 30, 2004 07:19AM)
Ok, who said this one?

"Every man is a *** fool for five minutes a day; Wisdom comes from not exceeding the limit!"

Glenn
Message: Posted by: totalpackage56 (May 31, 2004 12:45AM)
"better to keep your mouth shut and appear to be stupid then to open it and remove all doubt"-(easy one)

"Outside of a dog, mans best friend is a book. Inside of a dog its hard to read"
Message: Posted by: Reis O'Brien (May 31, 2004 09:19AM)
"Every true patriot will be prepared at all times to defend his country against its own government."
Message: Posted by: abc (May 31, 2004 10:35AM)
Firedice it was Edward Abbey
Who said In a war the winner is not he who is right but he who is left.
Message: Posted by: GypsyPirate (May 31, 2004 02:32PM)
"I once shot an elephant in my pajamas; how he got into my pajamas, I will never know."

"Time flies like an arrow... fruit flies like a banana."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"Who are you going to believe? Me or your own eyes?"

"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Hello, I must be going."

"I was married by a judge; I should have asked for a jury."

"Time wounds all heels."

"Quote me as saying I was misquoted."

All by the same guy...
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 1, 2004 12:53PM)
Groucho Marx
Good Stuff
Message: Posted by: JimMaloney (Jun 1, 2004 03:02PM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-31 15:32, GypsyPirate wrote:
"I once shot an elephant in my pajamas; how he got into my pajamas, I will never know."[/quote]

I believe the actual quote is "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I don't know." Small difference, but changes a lot in the timing/delivery/response to the joke.

[quote]"Who are you going to believe? Me or your own eyes?"[/quote]

This was actually not spoken by Groucho, but by somone else. Extra special bonus points to the one who can name the person who actually spoke this line.

-Jim
Message: Posted by: JimMaloney (Jun 1, 2004 03:11PM)
[quote]
On 2004-05-31 01:45, totalpackage56 wrote:
"better to keep your mouth shut and appear to be stupid then to open it and remove all doubt"-(easy one)[/quote]

This has actually been attributed to so many people that it's extremely difficult to pin it down to one person. Most often, it seems to be credited to Mark Twain and Groucho Marx, but no one seems to be quite certain. It can even be found, in a somewhat different form, in the Bible -- Proverbs 17:28.

Not so easy, huh? ;)

[quote] "Outside of a dog, mans best friend is a book. Inside of a dog its hard to read"
[/quote]

This one, however, is most definitely from Groucho. (Though again, minor correction on the phrasing of it: "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.")

-Jim
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 2, 2004 06:17AM)
Jim,
I am not sure was it Richard Pryor? I thought he came later. LOL
Message: Posted by: JimMaloney (Jun 2, 2004 11:52AM)
Nope, not Richard Pryor.

If you know the situation in which the quote was spoken, it's easy to see why it has been incorrectly attributed to Groucho.

-Jim
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 3, 2004 03:16AM)
You gave it away.
Bill Clinton when his wife walked in on him and Monica.
Message: Posted by: JimMaloney (Jun 3, 2004 08:37AM)
Ha!

But, no. ;)

Funny Groucho story related to that, though. Apparently Groucho's wife (which one, I'm not sure) walked in on him kissing the maid. When she confronted him he denied it and said "I was just whispering in her mouth."

Here's a hint: Groucho was nearby when the "Who are you going to believe..." line was spoken.

-Jim
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 3, 2004 08:55AM)
I am floored.
Who said it?
Message: Posted by: JimMaloney (Jun 3, 2004 09:18AM)
Groucho's brother, Chico Marx.

The line comes from the movie "Duck Soup". The scene involves Groucho in his pajamas watching over Margaret Dumont and the war plans. Chico and Harpo, spies for the other country, are trying to steal the plans. They both dress up exactly like Groucho (mustache and all) in an attempt to get into Margaret Dumont's bedroom and steal the plans.

The scene is hilarious with typical Marx mayhem. Margaret Dumont only sees one of them at a time and gets confused when Groucho apparently goes from talking in his regular voice, to talking with an Italian accent (Chico), to not talking at all (Harpo). The line comes when Groucho leaves the room, and Chico pops out from under the bed where he was hiding. Margaret Dumont, whose back was turned, is surprised to see "Groucho" back in the room. She tells Groucho/Chico that she just saw him leave, to which Chico replies, "Well, who are you going to believe, lady, me or your own eyes?"

This scene was followed shortly by the famous mirror scene between Groucho and Harpo, which Harpo reproduced with Lucille Ball when he appeared on I Love Lucy.

I'd highly recommend watching the movie (as well as any of the other Marx Brothers movies, especially the early ones at Paramount and the first few MGM movies).

-Jim
Message: Posted by: King of Diamonds (Jun 3, 2004 05:30PM)
One person said all the following quotes:

"Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them."

"There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go 'ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones."

"Don't assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me"."

There are ones much funnier, but I just quickly picked up those from the website.
Any guesses?

K of D
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 4, 2004 03:33PM)
Now I am tempted to search google but I will wait for a response and take a guess later.
Is it a good site?
Jim I am downloading some Marx stuff as you read this and if you are not Jim I am still downloading so call the FBI.
I am in Taiwan come get me! LOL
Why do people share Magic like Roth and McBride on the web if half the people want to download magic to see not to learn and the stuff is too dificult in any case for any laymen to even try not to mention master.
Just a thought.
Message: Posted by: francisco (Jun 4, 2004 04:39PM)
David Brent! The handicapped one was the only one I recognised I'm afraid but one of my fave's from the one series I've seen!

-Francisco
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 5, 2004 08:33PM)
Here's a great quote:

"Remember that bank I used to cry all the way to? Well, I bought it!"

Know who said that many, many times???
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 5, 2004 08:54PM)
Trump?
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 6, 2004 03:33AM)
[quote]
On 2004-06-05 21:33, hoodrat wrote:
Here's a great quote:

"Remember that bank I used to cry all the way to? Well, I bought it!"

Know who said that many, many times???
[/quote]
Sounds like a piano player.
Magicians don't cry to the bank they cry at home then go to the bank. It is all just an illusion.
Anyway Liberace
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 7, 2004 06:28AM)
Yes, the late Liberace used that line often during his shows -- and it always got a laugh!
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 7, 2004 12:00PM)
Why is he late? He has so much darn jewelery and he doesn't have a watch?
Who said "The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance."
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 7, 2004 04:35PM)
[quote]
On 2004-06-07 13:00, abc wrote:
Why is he late? He has so much darn jewelery and he doesn't have a watch?
[/quote]

Late as in already deceased. He did have a piano-shaped watch that he'd show off during his shows. He would check and verify the time with someone in the audience and announce that his watch was showing fifteen diamonds after nine rubies! :) (I have this on video!)
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 7, 2004 07:57PM)
Just a joke mate!
I was inches away from becoming a pro pianist when I started magic. It ruined my life
Message: Posted by: Daniel Santos (Jun 11, 2004 09:04AM)
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

LoL Don't ask...try guessing that one.
Message: Posted by: Daniel Santos (Jun 11, 2004 09:05AM)
The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.


Cheer up! The worst is yet to come!


Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it.
Message: Posted by: flobiwan (Jun 13, 2004 02:48PM)
When a child turns 13, you should put him in a barrel with only a hole to feed him through. When he turns eighteen, plug the hole.
Message: Posted by: TheHungryMagician (Jun 13, 2004 04:08PM)
"All modern men are descended from a worm-like creature, but it shows more on some people."

Different person:

"A hypocrite is the type of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation."
Message: Posted by: abc (Jun 14, 2004 09:04AM)
Will Cuppy
Adlai Stevenson
I love quotes
Easy one.
Not our logical faculty, but our imaginative one is king over us. I might say, priest and prophet to lead us to heaven-ward, or magician and wizard to lead us hellward.
Message: Posted by: Ron Crumley (Jun 15, 2004 12:24PM)
"I always wanted to be somebody when I grew up. I guess I should have
been more specific."

- Lily Tomlin
Message: Posted by: ColinB (Jun 15, 2004 01:16PM)
"Why do people take an instant dislike to me?"
"It saves time."
Message: Posted by: Magix (Jun 15, 2004 07:17PM)
[quote]
On 2004-06-15 14:16, ColinB wrote:
"Why do people take an instant dislike to me?"
"It saves time."
[/quote]

Frank Burns
Message: Posted by: ColinB (Jun 15, 2004 11:40PM)
My reference is Spike Milligan, though Frank Burns may well have said it also.