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Topic: Toon Laws
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 5, 2004 08:18PM)
O.K. Since you guys are talking about toons, then here's something to think about: The world of toons is governed by a totally different set of laws than we mere mortals. Think about it. Chuck Jones is God, and he made these laws! Do you know what they are? Can you a think of a few? Let me get you started:

Law: If you are going to run away from a situation, especially when you are running out of fear, you must run in place for five or more seconds, with your feet making rapid circular motions, until you have wound up (like a rubber band) and stored enough force in your wildly rotating legs to execute a takeoff like a rock being ejected from a catapult! And then, after you do finally blast off, you must leave almost invisible motion lines extending from where you were standing that suddenly snap back at great force! (All this of course accompanied by the appropriate and indispensable sound effects!)

Law: When falling off a cliff one must remain stationary and suspended in midair for a three or four seconds until one REALIZES that there is no ground beneath one's feet. Then one must display an expression of horror at that realization just a split second before cartoon gravity kicks in and one then plummets rapidly and with great acceleration to the rocks below. This ESPECIALLY applies if one is tricked by one's nemesis into mindlessly walking off the edge of the cliff, thinking there is still ground beneath one's feet.

Anyone else here know any of these laws and can list a couple?
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 5, 2004 08:26PM)
This really isn't a "law" but more of a "natural phenomenon":

When you get hit over the head with a hammer, shovel, or mallet, a lump about 3 inches tall will rise up from the top of your head. And sometimes three or four tiny bluebirds will fly around it.

Also, in the Road Runner/Coyote cartoons, I love it when the Coyote opens up a very small umbrella just before an anvil or boulder crashes down on him -- as if that little umbrella is going to protect him!

Another "law" is that when driving in a car, the background scenery that is passing by is constantly "looping" (i.e. you keep passing by the same trees, buidings, etc.) Know what I mean??

Th-th-th--at's all, folks!
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 5, 2004 08:49PM)
Those are good toon thoughts!

That's the secret of life, knowwhutimeen? That is, one has to learn to think like a toon!
Message: Posted by: Bernard Sim (Jun 5, 2004 09:24PM)
All cartoons have more than one life and they only have 3 fingers and a thumb.
Message: Posted by: Reis O'Brien (Jun 5, 2004 09:24PM)
Here are some more obscure cartoon laws;

1. If you put a bathing cap on a mouse and paint him black, cats will think he is a rare and priceless seal recently escaped from the circus.

2. If a duck is shot directly in the face with a shotgun, his entire head may be turned to cinders, except his bill! His bill, however, may spin around in a comedic way as long as it is cranked back in place before he attempts to speak.

3. Bugs Bunny looks kinda hot in drag.

4. If you are a witch, and you zip out of the room to, say, get a pot for boiling a rabbit in, as soon as you zip away there must be approximately 3-4 bobby pins spinning in space. because that's what witches are known for, having bobby pins on them.

5. Quickly putting on a pair of glasses will not ensure that you won't still get hit with an frying pan.

6. Axe-heads easily slip off axe-handles, and they hurt when they land on your feet.

7. A few strings of lights and a couple of ornaments can make a scrawny dying little tree suddenly look lush and thriving. This will also cause children to sing in the snow.

8. Not only do cats have nine lives, but they have nine ghosts that have numbers (1 through 9) pinned to the front of them.

9. All bulldogs are named "Spike".

10. "Jinkies" is a far less profane word than "Zoinks".
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 5, 2004 09:40PM)
Firedice! man I should have known that your whacked out mind would end up cracking me up!!
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 6, 2004 12:32PM)
I forgot a few other cartoon "laws" in my previous post:

Any kind of explosive device or gadget always comes from the Acme Company!

Granny never ages, never gets sick, and never dies.

When someone gets extremely angry, hot steam shoots out of their ears.
Message: Posted by: RiffClown (Jun 6, 2004 01:47PM)
What goes up , must come down..on top of the one that made it go up.

Full body suits of Sheep, Coyotes, and Sheepdogs can be layered infinitely.

When hit in the head with a hollowed object (i.e. mailbox) the head will take that shape until shaken or or whacked again with a different object.

Running through walls and doors is possible provided:
a. you have enough speed
b. you were trying to or very scared
c. somone didn't just close the door (or half of it) in your path
d. you leave a perfect body outline in the process.

Putting you finger in the barrel of a gun will demolish the trigger puller without harming the finger

Holes, whatever the size can be moved at will.

Frogs can live forever in lunchboxes..
Message: Posted by: Jonathan Townsend (Jun 6, 2004 02:56PM)
From Roger Rabbit...

Can do whatever WHEN it's funny.
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 6, 2004 04:37PM)
Hey rob,

man I thought I was a toonaholic, but you got me beat by a toon mile!

law: Toons don't really get hurt, they just sort of squash and stretch. Or they could conveniently take the form of, say, a spring and thereby take on the properties and form of that object.

And when they DO get hurt, let's say, by being blasted in the face by a shotgun or a cannon at close range, they make take on terrible looking injuries, such as singed hair, blackened face, loose teeth, black eyes, etc. BUT according to the laws of toondom, the injuries will instantly heal in time for the next scene!

Law: If a toon needs a prop, such as for instance, a sledgehammer to bonk another toon across the cranium with, or ANY OBJECT for that matter, the toon shall not waste valuable toon time by going off screen and obtaining such object! Oh no! Not ever! Instead, the toon shall simply (much as a magician might) reach behind himself, and ZIP! The object shall be in hand instantly when the hand comes back around, ready for whatever mayhem the said toon shall deem appropriate!

Law: Toons are apparently spiritual beings in their own right, and may upon occasion enter into into the dark nether regions of Hades, BUT this shall NEVER comprise an eternal condition, as the toon shall surely have the second, third, and as many chances as the toon needs to redeem himself, so that the toon may indeed be ready and able for the next toon venture around the corner, whatever that may be.

Law: Holes, especially ACME holes, may be purchased, or found just about anywhere, and may be subsequently PLACED anywhere that a nemesis is likely to walk. the prime and most desirable of these are at the end of cliff overhangs, or other well thought out locations where the enemy is most likely to fall to an untimely, (but temporary) death.
Message: Posted by: Chrystal (Jun 6, 2004 04:38PM)
All cartoon characters that fall in love immediately have pounding hearts that are graphically shown protruding from their chest. Some get hit with cupid's arrows and for a final effect...hearts are strewn above their heads. The girls usually bat their eyelashes and act coy.

All cartoon characters actions are played to Symphony Music.

All cartoons use ONOMATOPOEIA, for those of you that don't know what this word means it's words that imitates the sound it represents...Zip, Boom, Kerpluck, Zing...and so on.

Nice cutsie cartoons have huge eyes that are expressive, evil ones have tiny eyes that look shifty.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder as Popeye is madly in love with Olive, while Bugs drools at Jessica Rabbit. If there is a Gorilla in a cartoon she usually falls in love with the male character in the movie and relentlessly pursues him. Oh and I forgot she usually wears a pink bow on her head so viewers don't confuse her with a male gorilla. :O)
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 6, 2004 04:41PM)
Like in "Gorrilla My Dreams?"
Message: Posted by: Scott Cram (Jun 6, 2004 04:48PM)
On 2004-06-06 14:47, Rob Eubank wrote:

When hit in the head with a hollowed object (i.e. mailbox) the head will take that shape until shaken or or whacked again with a different object.

Holes, whatever the size can be moved at will.

Frogs can live forever in lunchboxes..


Re: Holes
Only Acme portable holes can be moved at will! I'm jealous that David Roth found some way to actually order them.

Re: Frogs
Frogs will never sing when you want them to.

Re: Hollowed objects
This also works in reverse, where the character is the hollow object. For example, if you're a dog given an Acme trick spring bone, and the bone is twisted to release the spring, the animal will assume the shape of a giant spring.

Deliveries happen quickly if you just wait by the mailbox and tap your feet quickly with your arms crossed.

You can order ANYTHING from [url=http://home.nc.rr.com/tuco/looney/acme/acme.html]Acme[/url]!

It is possible to do anything in your house just by pressing a button, including protecting yourself from tidal waves (ok, they're still working on that brining the upstairs downstairs thing, but still . . . ).

Only rabbits look deceptively good in drag. Any other animal just looks like that animal in drag.

Rabbits have eyes so good that, not only can they read all the lines on an eye chart, but they can read the fine print detailing the maker of the eye chart.

If there's one thing rabbits can do, it's multiply!

When shipping crates of carrots, it seems that almost nobody inspects them to make sure they're free of rabbits.

You can get anywhere in the world underground, but only if you take a [i]right[/i] turn at Albuquerque.

From Roger Rabbit:
When appearing with characters from another studio, both sets of characters must have exactly the same amount of screen time.
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 6, 2004 05:24PM)
Man you guys are beautiful! Bless you my children!
Message: Posted by: Mark Williams (Jun 6, 2004 08:06PM)
For some unknown reason, people depicted in Toons, are always afraid of a friendly Ghost.

Baby Huey never has to change his diaper.

George of the Jungle must always hit a tree, while swinging on a vine.

Toon Law: Belching is Funny!! Make Sure that there is at least a few Belches in each Episode.

Popeye has an endless supply of Spinach--Apparently stored down the back of his pants.

And Finally--

Huey, Louie and Dewey have no other Family to torment, save for one--Their Uncle Donald!!
Message: Posted by: hoodrat (Jun 6, 2004 11:42PM)
Why did we even bother sending the Mars Rover to the Red Planet earlier this year? We all know that Marvin the Martian lives there forever waiting his "earth-shattering kaboom" from the Plutonium P-39 Space Modulator that is aimed directly at our planet.
Message: Posted by: Reis O'Brien (Jun 7, 2004 12:02AM)
1. Rabbits, ducks and assorted other creatures of the forest, although stark naked, apparently have pockets. These pockets have some sort of space-warping system that allows an object of any size to be stored within, be it a silent dog whistle or a running chainsaw.

2. Toons, when cut in half or multiple pieces are not red and gorey inside, but rather a light gray clay-like substance.

3. Cats' tails can elongate enough for a mouse to pull said tail around a wall, through the banister, over the shelf of dishes, up the chimeny, down the gutter spout, through the dog's house, over a random pit of tar and then tied to the bumper of a dilivery van all without raising the notice of the cat, who is too busy watching the mouse hole with a large carnival mallet in his hand.

4. Every toon household possesses a carnival mallet.

5. Pigs stutter.

6. Most dogs are 50% Pointer, 50% Setter, 50% Spitz and 50% Boxer, but are mostly 100% Laborador Retriever.

7. The correct attack when fighting with a staff goes as thus; Ho, Ha-ha, Guard, Thrust, Perry, Spin, Ho!

8. Anvils are apparently very very heavy.

9. If you have a spear and magic helmet you can make the northwinds blow, the southwinds blow and cause typhoons, hurricanes and smog.

10. Ants have the mental capacity and sense of cooperation to form the inticate notes of an 18th Century opera on a blank page of music as they are also capable of changing, at a moments notice, into a copletely different piece of music much to the dismay of a now severely confused cat who somehow managed to land a gig as an orchestra conductor.
Message: Posted by: Scott Cram (Jun 7, 2004 12:34AM)
On 2004-06-07 01:02, Firedice27 wrote:
6. Most dogs are 50% Pointer, 50% Setter, 50% Spitz and 50% Boxer, but are mostly 100% Laborador Retriever.

10. Ants have the mental capacity and sense of cooperation to form the inticate notes of an 18th Century opera on a blank page of music as they are also capable of changing, at a moments notice, into a copletely different piece of music much to the dismay of a now severely confused cat who somehow managed to land a gig as an orchestra conductor.


They're also 50% Irish Setter and 50% watchdog (they're full of ticks), as well.

There's an ever-popular breed of dog in the South known as the Elvis, which is really nothing but a hound dog.

Apparently, song notes themselves are alive, and can purchase beer and get drunk in sheet music like "There's A Tavern In The Town", "Little Brown Jug", and "How Dry I Am".

All musical notation is made out of wire that the living notes can twist into coat hangers, horse whips, horses and more!

Weiner dogs (daschunds) are infintely stretchable, apparently being made out of the same material as a cat's tail.

Hoses the same color and thickness as a dog's arm is readily available. Further, by putting a glove on one end of the hose, and having a friend tug at the real dog's arm simultaneously, you can make the dog think his arm is inifinitely stretchable.
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 7, 2004 06:28PM)
Man! I can't believe what I started!
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 7, 2004 08:19PM)
Toon law: Toons come basically in two different brain capacities.

The first is the "pea brain" toon who, as the name implies, is stupid to beat the band. This toon may have a brain the size of a pea or less. Examples. Elmer, Beaky, Abominable, Wiley, Daffy, dogs in barnyards, various giants, etc.

The second variety is the toon with a much to be admired BIG brain. Examples: Bugs, Roadrunner

The toon law states that the big brained toon must be harassed by the pea brain toon, who is usually out to do the big brained toon in. Unfortunately, because of his smaller cranial capacity, he is blinded to the fact that he will NEVER outsmart the bigger brained toon, and will be subjected to endless humiliation and toon pain and injuries and toon brutatlity along the way. Inevitable result? Defeat! Blatant, humiliating defeat!
Message: Posted by: Reg Rozee (Jun 8, 2004 03:03AM)
The Law of Painted Portals:
Any toon can paint a door, tunnel entrance, archway, etc. on a solid wall and immediately use it as if it were real. Any other toon that tries to use it will find it is in fact a solid wall.
Corollary: If the toon paints a train tunnel, immediately after another toon tries to enter and fails, he will be run down by a train exiting the tunnel, often driven by the first toon.

The Law of Mixed-up Magic:
Any toon that learns the words to a magic spell can use it. However, changing or mixing the words up will result in hard to predict results usually based on homonyms of the original result. Eg. turn into a vampire bat, turn into a baseball bat, turn into a vampire, turn into an umpire...

The Law of Universal Costuming:
Any toon that can duck out of sight for one second in any box, closet, around any corner, etc. can immediately appear in whatever disguise or costume they choose.

The Law of Glowing Peepers:
All toons have eyes that glow in the dark. However, most toons can not see the glowing eyes of others.

The Law of Extra-Dimensional Stomach Capacity:
Any toon can eat at least their own body weight and volume of food, and perhaps several times more although this may result in unnatural stomach stretching. The mouth of a toon can open as wide as necessary to eat a large food item, such as a 25 layer sandwich, even if that is several times the height of the toon in question. Toons that push this law to the limit may temporarily explode.

The Law of Singing and Dancing:
If the appropriate music is playing, all toons can dance ballet, the tango, the waltz, etc. like a pro. Any toon that starts singing will immediately receive full orchestral accompaniment. Furthermore, if a chase is in progress but a song starts, the toons must dance until the song finishes before resuming the chase.

The Law Of Shave and a Haircut:
NO TOON can resist answering "shave and a haircut" with "two bits" or the rhythmic equivalent, whether it is sung, knocked, hummed, buzzed, beeped, chirped, croaked, shot, or in any other way indicated.

The Law of Skunky Magnetism:
Any cat that has an accident resulting in them looking like a skunk will immediately attract a very lonely skunk to the immediate area. Conversely, the presence of a lonely skunk in an area greatly increases the chances that a cat will have a "skunkifying" accident.

The Law of Unknown Natural Talents:
All kangaroos are excellent boxers. All dogs have natural detective instincts. All cats are excellent burglars. All pigs are excellent cooks. All skunks speak excellent French.
Message: Posted by: daffydoug (Jun 8, 2004 04:17PM)
Man, Reg, you just knocked me out of the ring! You are no doubt the MASTER toon guy!

Wer'e not WORTHY, wer'e not WORTHY....
Message: Posted by: Rob Johnston (Jun 9, 2004 12:10PM)
Immunity to Anvils.