Ok ok something positive!

Usually the preshow-talk is riddled with silly jokes,
and generally, I can get fed up telling the same thing all the time.
stuff like this:

(during rules);
QUOTE: My buddy came up to me the other day and said "So andy boy,
do you use hypnosis on your girlfriend for a wee bit of the old bedroom action?"

"bedroom action"? I said, "oot 'o her"? "that's no' hypnosis, that's magic"
"dinnae get nae bedroom action oot 'o her"

then continue into the rules (what I'm saying is no sex, removal of clothes tonight ect ect.

I just wanted to see if anybody here would like to share other lines or sayings during this part of a show, just for a bit of fun as it would be good to share/read.
even the bad ones as above.

feedback would be apreciated and enjoyed,
Many thanks.
Andy