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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. *** Remember... They walk among us!!! ***
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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Dannydoyle Eternal Order 21219 Posts |
These have been tainted for me since I found out that many were just urban legends.
Danny Doyle
<BR>Semper Occultus <BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell |
balducci Loyal user Canada 227 Posts |
Quote:
On 2009-01-09 15:53, daffydoug wrote: Funny, but not legit Darwin Awards. I think you've reposted a version of this: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp Posted: Jan 9, 2009 3:59pm You can find the 'real' Darwin Awards here: http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/
Make America Great Again! - Trump in 2020 ... "We're a capitalistic society. I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. They're not going to bail me out. I've been on welfare and food stamps. Did anyone help me? No." - Craig T. Nelson, actor.
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MAKMagic Special user I got banned for one of my 555 Posts |
They ARE still funny, and while fake, I'd bet ya 20$ I can find an example very similar to each of those out there.
.:Michael Kelley
On the Level, By the Square |
Doug Higley 1942 - 2022 7152 Posts |
I think #4 will be my next book.
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
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MagicSanta Inner circle Northern Nevada 5841 Posts |
Yup...I mean, how many times can people bounce bricks off of windows?
I deserved a nomination for a real Darwin reward. I pointed a jammed pistol at a Navy SEAL. To this day it is the only time I was ever knocked unconcious by a person. |
daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Quote:
On 2009-01-09 15:58, balducci wrote: I just re-posted what someone sent me in an e-mail. I know they cracked me up, real or not.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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gaddy Inner circle Agent of Chaos 3526 Posts |
Quote:
On 2009-01-09 16:56, MagicSanta wrote: My friend pointed one at a police dog and the k9 BIT him! True story.
*due to the editorial policies here, words on this site attributed to me cannot necessarily be held to be my own.*
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MagicSanta Inner circle Northern Nevada 5841 Posts |
I worked with a guy who found a gun dropped by a guy the police were looking around for. This idiot decided to walk up to a San Jose police officer who was looking for an armed and dangerous person gun in hand (San Jose cops WILL shoot you) and came very very close to being shot down. In fact the police told him at least one of them was just getting ready to fire when the idiot dropped the gun.
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
I heard of an employee at work who once asked a supervisor to hold his bag of Mary Jane while he went to the rest room.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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