As stated before we are performing our sideshow as a midnight on the ships. Midnight = more drunks = more hecklers. Suddenly they have decided to yell out "too much cocaine" while I am performing block head. I use my typical nasty male genitalia comeback that makes the audience clap and laugh at him to shut him up but wish I could defuse the situation a little nicer and more specific to what he has accused me of. Anyone ever dealt with this?

Dealt with hecklers many times,,,so many put down lines are available but remember hit them too hard and the rest of the tribe will side with them. Being too meek will encourage them to get heavier with you.

The line I found worked best for me was to get the speckies to side with you and let them deal with them.

Ken.

"No--not enough"

"No--just enuf"

"What, are we shouting out reasons why you can't get laid?"

"I'll take 'Things That Cause Impotence' for $1000, Alex"

"Great! And what are some other problems from the 1980s?"


Meh. Not terrific; just off the top of my head.

Much of my act is saying the things the audience is thinking before they have a chance of yell it out. I have a cocaine line that I use when the venue and audience make up is right. Since you have had someone yell it out, you should add in the line, "I know what you are thinking, 'Too much cocaine'! Then follow it up with Stephon's line "No, not enough" and you now have a couple of new laugh and it shows that you don't take yourself too seriously.

You're good with put-down lines. I guess you know how to put down lines.

I always liked the ole line..."I know this man is a Gentleman...I seen him come out of a Door that said so!"......

Thanks Todd and Stephon! Brilliant. Deal with it before they do. That is just what I needed. I would much rather make fun of myself than have to resort to a persons lack of ability to attract the opposite sex. But it sure is funny when I do.

And while we're on the subject, my favorite line to deal with a male heckler is, "I don't know why you are being so mean now, when earlier you were being so friendly in the men's room."

Use with caution.

What about this Old, Old line..."He belongs on a stage...and there's one leavin in a 1/2 an Hour!"...

I never want to get into a one on one with the loud mouth so when I use a heckler line I address the audience and not the person that is heckling. Otherwise the audience can turn against you very quick. Been there, done that.

In my mid twenties I traveled up and down the midwest (from as far south as Brownsville TX to as far north as Bismarck ND) doing comedy clubs. I learned very fast that I didn't enjoy entertaining the drunks for a full time living. Now I only do it for fun.

Thanks, Todd.

I was doing the balloon swallow during my last show tonite, and some shirtless, boardshorts and backward baseball cap wearing goon standing off to the side with his shirtless, boardshorts and backward baseball cap wearing friends was yelling out typical, uninspired $h!t.

When I finished, he shouts, "That was disgusting", so I threw out, "That's not what you said early in the mens' room."

Worked perfectly: shut him up, got a laugh, and he and his buddies went off to find other sport.

Thanks again Todd. I used the line 2 nights ago and it worked great. Got a laugh and I controlled the tempo.

Since you guys were so kind to share yours here is my favorite female drunk woman heckler stopper.

"I was married to my ex wife for 8 years. One thing I learned is it's almost impossible to shut up a drunk woman."

It's original and true! Now make sure to say "almost impossible." If you leave out the almost you are baiting them to keep it up. And make sure you say it to the audience and not her. No need to get in a fight.

Although it doesn't fit my style now, I always liked the line, "This show reminds me of the baseball game, all the bags were loaded there too!"

Oh and depending on the crowd change the word woman for the b word. Rougher crowds will laugh more.