RIP Pillsbury

Dear Friends: It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
- To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Breaking News :

Ellen Degeneres was found dead today.
Cause of death, is a suspected drowning !

She was found face down in Ricki Lake !

On Rodney Dangerfield's headstone at the Westwood Village mortuary: Well there goes the neighborhood.

On Mel Blanc's headstone at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary: "That's all, folks!"

I love to pretend I put the deceased's cell phone in the casket and then ring the spouses number a week later....

Well then, the agnostic's tombstone says: "I'm going to the Great Perhaps."

W.C. Fields, a well-known agnostic, was reportedly seen reading the Bible in his hospital bed shortly before he expired. When asked why, he replied: "I'm looking for a loophole!"

My uncle, in fact, ran a funeral home. The sign over his desk said: "I'd be last person to let you down."

CM

I love : "Life goes on without me" On Louis Prima's grave.
It is also said that the french writer Francis Blanche hated so much his wife at the end of his life that he told her once :
"I will make write on your stone AT LAST SHE IS COLD"
and his wife answered him:
"on your, I will make write AT LAST HE IS STIFF".

I hope my translation in english is good. It's pretty fun in french, so...

On a gravestone somewhere: Owen Moore has gone away; Owing more than he can pay.

My grandfather was very ill. My grandmother rubbed butter on his back. After that he went downhill rapidly.

Mark

Three men come to the pearly gates..
St.Peter asks each of them what they hope people will say about them at their funerals
First guy says 'I hope they say what a great doctor and philanthropist I was.'
Second guy says 'I hope they say what a great husband and father I was.'
Third guy says 'I hope they say.. Look! He's Moving!