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daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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In my no tear newspaper routine, I "read" headlines from the paper that are funny. One's like "Hey, it says here that Whoopee Goldberg is going to marry actor Peter Cushing. She shall be called "Whoopie Cushing" Cushion)

Or "Lost one dog, Neutered, has mange, fleas, one eye and three legs. Answers to the name of Lucky."

So, I have a couple more, but will stop here.

Does anyone else have any comedy headlines or classified lines that you could share?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
The Donster
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Ok Parachute for Sale Only Used Once and Never Opened. You should like that one Doug.
sniper1
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malta eu
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Used tombstone for sale, for someone named Peter Murphy

This one is for magicians : magician seeks wife, must be very patient, not afraid of the dark, not suffer from claustrophobia, good contorsionist, and realize that no matter what! She will always be second in his life.
THE MOST CRAZY MAGICIAN ON THE MALTESE ISLANDS
Wolflock
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Vicious Guard Dog for Sale, Eats anything, loves children. Call ...

South African Brain for Sale, 1 Owner, Never been used.

CNN, while proving that they were better than other News Stations, commented, "We have more live reporters than anyone else."
Wolflock
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South Africa
kOnO
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A few Distorted Headlines you might like

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Farmer bill dies in house

Iraqi head seeks arms

Child's stool great for use in garden

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung


kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The Donster
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How about a Weather Forecast it will be Chili Today and Hot Tamale Smile
The Mirror Images
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Iraqes new slogan. I saw I conquare, IRAN

State bird for the middle east...DUCK!!!

This is the best...but there could be better.

Michael
Steven and Michael, The Mirror Images
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http://www.themirrorimages.com
Check out our latest new effect
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CamelotFX
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From the ad department:

"All-weather tires - Slashed!"

"Two-piece bathing suits - 50% Off!"
joseph
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For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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Most of these are pretty galluptious! Keep 'em coming!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Belleque
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Special report - Local Police station robbed of 20 toilet seats. Officers say they have nothing to go on!

Okay it's as old as the hills but it had to be posted!
The Mighty Fool
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I feel like a big-top tent having
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Wanted: Young men and women for orange grove work. Needed to pick oranges and produce at night.

Braille dictionary....must see to appreciate

Wanted: Man, possibly woman, definitely ugly
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
daffydoug
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Quote:
On 2005-01-22 03:21, Belleque wrote:
Special report - Local Police station robbed of 20 toilet seats. Officers say they have nothing to go on!

Okay it's as old as the hills but it had to be posted!


I love it. It's IN!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
............
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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What do you get when you cross a collie with a pitbull? You get a dog that bites you then runs for help.
olivertwist
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Belleque,

The toilet seat joke may be old but I use it all the time too. It always gets a laugh.

Weather report: Cloudy today but sunny tonight.


Oliver
tenyoguy
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'Man on bridge found covered in sprinkles. Police say he tried to top himself.'

Alan
"There is no doubt, it must be witchcraft!"
Lyndel
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wrote the theme to the TV show COPS!
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Viagra truck hijacked. Police seek hardened criminals.
Image
joseph
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Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.....

Man is fatally slain ......

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say ......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
kOnO
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To announce seat belt legislation:
"Belt your family. It's the law."
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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