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Dan McLean Jr aka, Magic Roadie
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Toronto, Canada
803 Posts

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Oh, look! Painfully low prices down at the bulk food store. $1.50 a pound on the nuts!
Dan McLean Jr
kOnO
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But the price of bulk food is really high in Tampa Bay.
I hear Corn is a Buccaneer!

kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
daffydoug
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Eternal Order
Look mom! I've got
14063 Posts

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Quote:
On 2005-01-23 00:09, Lyndel wrote:
Viagra truck hijacked. Police seek hardened criminals.

LOL!! Now there's one I'm going to USE!!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Wolflock
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South Africa
2257 Posts

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Bleach Manufacturing Corperation Fraud Scandel - Police say it was a White Collar Crime...

Cat burglar Scratched from suspect list.
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
RC4MAG
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553 Posts

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I also do the No Tear Newspaper. Here is a tip I came up with. I write the gag headlines in pencil on "My side" of each torn paper piece. That way I don't need to memorize them, nor get the gags out of the order I want to present them.

Here is a website devoted to Headline Jokes.
http://www.aarons-jokes.com/joke-1935.shtml
joseph
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Please ignore my
17030 Posts

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Kellog president attacked.....Police suspect a cereal killer.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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Put Your Children in your Cooking.
Tate
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NC
211 Posts

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These aren't headlines, they're more like quotes from the financial section. You can find more on the internet.

Helium is up.
Feathers are down.
Paper is stationary.
Fluorescent tubing has dimmed in light trading.
Knives are up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment is trailing.
Elevators are rising, while escalators continue their slow decline.

Tate
The Donster
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Tate excellent stuff keep them coming.
einhorn
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London
183 Posts

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A 3 ft psychic escaped from maximum security prison - Police warn there is a small medium at large.
The Donster
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Hare Today Gone Tomorrow.
kOnO
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545 Posts

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Woman off to jail for sex with boys


kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
14063 Posts

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Quote:
On 2005-01-27 10:59, RC4MAG wrote:
I also do the No Tear Newspaper. Here is a tip I came up with. I write the gag headlines in pencil on "My side" of each torn paper piece. That way I don't need to memorize them, nor get the gags out of the order I want to present them.

Here is a website devoted to Headline Jokes.
http://www.aarons-jokes.com/joke-1935.shtml


I have been doing the pencil thing you mentioned, and it works good, but before this thread, I had precious few jokes to use in the routine. Now, thanks to you guys, I am rich!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Wolflock
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South Africa
2257 Posts

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Excellent! Now you have to pay us some kind of royalites. LOL
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
daffydoug
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Eternal Order
Look mom! I've got
14063 Posts

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I owe you that much.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
CamelotFX
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Minnesota
596 Posts

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Upholsterer Gets Chair For Brutal Murder.
Salazar Magic
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New Jersey
344 Posts

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A Cessna crashed in a local cemetary...... Search and rescue workers recovered 2,000 bodies.
bnadworn
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Western New York
131 Posts

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And are still finding more!
"They say the hand is quicker than the eye but I won't believe it until I see it."
M. Perk
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Hilton Head Island
292 Posts

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Man found Beheaded. Police suspect foul play.
bermudamagician
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* a hole appeared in the roof of (local public building) police are looking into it!
* canibals in remote jungle area get their first taste of christianity (pause) he was the reverend podmore of westminster
* "The President gave some interesting figures on education today. In the City areas, one half of the people can’t read, one half can’t write, and the other three quarters can’t add up."
* "There was a strange happening during a performance of Elgar’s “Sea Pictures” at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight, when the man playing the triangle disappeared
* Career criminal Arnold Crump, 6ft 8inches, bad breath, long stringy hair, cracked teeth, and acne was described by the FBI today as America's least wanted man.

with some changes-thanks to the 2 ronnies Smile
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