The Magic Cafť
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index Ľ Ľ Pasteboard Frolics Ľ Ľ The Pasteboard Frolic Conspiracy (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page 1~2~3 [Next]
fingerjack
View Profile
Special user
CT, USA
551 Posts

Profile of fingerjack
This is an excerpt from a transcription of my last therapy visit. I thought it might interest someone here.

MY DOC: So, which of your issues should we discuss today? Your troubled marriage, your failed back surgery, or perhaps one of your many addictions such as *****, *****, porn, **** or ****** *** ******? Perhaps you would like to tell me more about that Internet web site you canít stop frequenting. You were telling me you thought there was some sort of conspiracy at this Internet card trick website you kept talking about.

ME: Yeah, the Magic Cafť. Thatís been really buggin me these days, Doc. I canít stop thinkiní bout it. Itís hard to say, but there is definitely something fishy going on.

DR: Well, how do you mean?

ME: You see, I think I can figure most of it out. You got these magicians you see, who for years have been doing all sorts of tricks and stuff, and a few of them specialized in fancy card moves known as flourishes, you know, the kind of stuff you see in the movies, and than you got this new wave of X generation of card manipulators who do nothing but fancy card manipulations, you know, like jugglers, and they hate the magic guys because they think all they do is play with little red balls. I confess; I have little red balls in my pocket right now. Do you wanna see them?

DR: Um, no thank you. Please continue.

ME: You got all sorts on the Internet, some of them stranger than me Iím happy to say. You got this guy, Deívo, who has some amazing hand skills and a cool website, and he is like the new wave grim reaper guru of modern card flourishers, but he must be bipolar too cuzí heís always banning his own fans from his forums and getting real angry at folks for copying his moves, yet heís got these great DVDs that explain his moves in great detail! Now go figure. No one knows who he really is but there are all these rumors, weird stuff. Stuff about the Military and aliens. Iím not supposed to talk about it. They know where to find me.

DR: I see. Very interestingÖ.

ME: Then you got all these kids from Malaysia and Singapore. They speak better English than almost all Americans and have an uncanny, almost supernatural knack of being very skilled with their fingers. One of them had a cool website called cheaterís cheat or something like that, the one I was makiní a movie for. His name was Bone, but the Deívo guys didnít like him and the next thing you knew both he and his website vanished of the face of the earth. What do you say to that, huh? Coincidence?

DR: Well, what does this have to do with in relation to the issues we have been working on? I see you havenít stopped playing with those cards since the moment you came in. Didnít May up your dose of klonipin and diazepam?

ME: Ya, but the muscle relaxers and the pain meds donít mix well with my Lipitor even though I take Nexium in the morning, so I really donít dose on the downers until evening. They go down better with Martinis anyway. My mom hooked me up with some morphine and I got a new inhaler too.

DR: Back to your current issue with your inability to stop posting and visiting this online magic card trick community chat room thing.

ME. Well then in the forums you got all these strange fellows. Thereís this guy Chris Keppel, calls himself the shocker, but he seems to be the most normal one and I canít figure out what is so shocking about that. Than there is Caution, everyone says heís really Deívo, but I lost more sleep last night wondering that if that were really true, he must be using double reverse psychology on us because it would be far to obvious. Maybe Caution is just someone who wants to pretend so that people will think heís Deívo. Hey, maybe I can do that. Maybe I can pretend to be Deívo, maybe-

DR: Youíre wandering off now. Back to this forum thing.

ME: Oh, well strangest of all has been a recent influx of attractive young Asian women who people really say are guys and undercover spies for the Buck Twins.

DR: The Buck twins?

ME: Yeah, two brothers who like magic AND fancy card moves. Now they got the best AND worst of both worlds. They got some great stuff. They are the ones that took Tudorís modifications on Kennerís version of Sybil and added new twists and spins that the Deívo guys hate.

DR: Huh?

ME: Then thereís poor Cap Casino. He seemed liked a good kid with some skilled fingers but everyone put him through the shredder for winkling his eyebrows. And then this loudmouth fingerjack, always making long posts without really saying anything of value and he thinks he knows it all.

DR: I thought you said your nickname was Ďfingerjack.í

ME: Oh, yeah, I forgot. Thatís me.

DR: What does fingerjack mean, anyhow?

ME: (obvious motion with a flourish)

DR: That is not very polite!

ME: Sorry.

DR: Well, this seems ridiculous that all these people who share such a common interest would bicker in such a pathetic way. That sounds ludicrous, to argue about card tricks, or flourishes as you call them.

ME: No, no. You donít understand. Itís much more than card tricks you dumba**!

DR: Temper please! Well, than tell me, what do you really make of it all?

ME: I think I got it all figured out. I think Deívo, Jerry, and one of the Buck twins are actually the same person, who is really a half hybrid alien from the Plaides star system. The other Buck twin is still a mystery and Iím digging deep to find the answer. I have suspicions that both Brian Tudor and Lonnie Dilan, the pasteboard pimp, are somehow involved. That would explain their Ďbeefí so to speak.

DR: The pasteboard what?

ME: It doesnít matter. The point is I cant tear away from the drama. I know I have way more important things to do lsuch as my community service, physical therapy, and my charity magic shows. Itís the same like the other problems I told you about with the ever sticky bubble gum and that funny yellow Smurf thing that follows me around. It just gets worse and worse! Now the Deívo dudes are having a video competition of sorts to see who has the superist hands (or to see who can stay in the longest without getting banned), and I canít even watch it unless I use my laptop because they banned my IP! But this is going to be better than FEAR FACTOR, THE PRICE IS RIGHT and ONE LIFE TO LIVE all rolled into one!

DR: Oh my god! Is that cocaine?

ME: Oh, no, no, itís just some zinc sterate. You know; fanning powder, dealer dust, sharper sugar. Iím feeling a little moist today.

Dr: Could you please put those cards down for a moment, you are making me nervous.

ME: But look, watch MY version of sybilÖsee that? Look, and Iím still goingÖ.and goingÖand going, and going, and see that little spin I did at the end? Thatís mine, Bitch! And look, look, I spring the cards from the corners AND the edges! Tell me thatís not original! And look how long my spring is! Look I said!!!

DR: I think itís time we stop.

ME: Wait, wait, look, I can do these triple one hand riffle shuffles behind my back WHILE IíM BLINDFOLDED! Howís that for amazing? Are your eyes popping out yet? Wanna see my pass? Did you see it? No? See that! My pass is frickiní INVISIBLE!!! Hugard eat your heart out! Ah ha ha ha!

DR: Please! Stop this instant!

ME: Can you tell this is a double? You canít, Wow! Itís really a triple you GULLIBLE SUCKER!!! AH HA HA HA HA Ya-hooo!

DR: Please send in security. Settle down Mr. F******! Itís going to be all rightÖ

ME: But wait! Lemmie show you this thirty packet display with only ONE DECK of CARDS!!! Figure that one out, FOOL!!! Ha ha! Watch my dribble! See how long my dribble is? My dribble is no Anaconda, but a FREAKINí MILE LONG GIANT MUTANT TAPEWERM!!! AH HA HA!!! NOW FOR MY LITTLE RED BALLS RIGHT HERE IN MY POCKET, HAVE A LOOK AT MY - (ZAP)

End Transcript
MAGNAPALM - The World's first psionic magnetic implants that is changing the future of magic http://youtu.be/EDmg2bp_Cas

WASHED AND DRYED - An squeaky clean incredible full deck transformation!
http://fingerjack.wix.com/washedanddryed
rkzad
View Profile
Regular user
Canada
138 Posts

Profile of rkzad
What do you need a therapist for? You obviously have it all figured out, lol. Nice way to the lighten the mood.
- richard
kxxcheng
View Profile
New user
92 Posts

Profile of kxxcheng
Ahahaha

props.
Karen
jessicashurtz
View Profile
New user
86 Posts

Profile of jessicashurtz
LOL
-j
JeremiahZuo
View Profile
Loyal user
209 Posts

Profile of JeremiahZuo
Ah it's just like the Vernoica Mars case. Who killed Lilly Kane?!?!?

Very fun, I'm glad someone has time to write something light hearted and fun.
Joshua 24:15
Jordini
View Profile
Inner circle
San Francisco
2766 Posts

Profile of Jordini
Smile ...Does the FBI know about this?!
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
Oscar Wilde

"If you only knew the hours I spent just thinking about practicing"
-The Amazing Jonathan
kxxcheng
View Profile
New user
92 Posts

Profile of kxxcheng
Ahahaha

props.
Karen
Chris Keppel
View Profile
Special user
Kansas City MO
544 Posts

Profile of Chris Keppel
That was kindof funny. Little long but so is fingerjacks uh, nevermind.

Get your mind out of the gutter people. I was going to say thumb.
www.chriskeppel.com
Kepp's Custom Carbon Fiber
anime_file
View Profile
Regular user
140 Posts

Profile of anime_file
OMG. That was amazing. Watch your back that Devo/jerry/buck twin trinity is gonna hunt you down for revealing so much.

Quote:
It just gets worse and worse! Now the Deívo dudes are having a video competition of sorts to see who has the superist hands (or to see who can stay in the longest without getting banned), and I canít even watch it unless I use my laptop because they banned my IP!
HAHA!!!

I think fingerjack has realized the truth and we are too ignorant to realize it!
I sorta expected like a moral of the story at the end... weird.
MnemonicaRedux
View Profile
Regular user
179 Posts

Profile of MnemonicaRedux
Hey Corey, you mentioned in the post that you're making a movie for TCC... would be awesomem if you took THIS script and did it with that Smile

-Kev
360degree
View Profile
New user
35 Posts

Profile of 360degree
You the JACK! Hahahaha great job you got there! LOL.
Jonas
View Profile
Inner circle
Sweden
1065 Posts

Profile of Jonas
Wahaha, that was some funny ****.
http://www.youtube.com/jonashaglund < Card flourishes and some other stuff.
Jonathan P.
View Profile
Inner circle
Belgium
1482 Posts

Profile of Jonathan P.
Excellent. I am sure that if I would have been you, I would have wanted to write it myself. But, actually, I would have... (I think...)
Erik J
View Profile
Elite user
Sweden
417 Posts

Profile of Erik J
Very funny, wahaha, laughed through the script yo
This signature is approved by Erik.
Jamil
View Profile
Regular user
128 Posts

Profile of Jamil
Concision, like passion, is something Fingerjack lacks more than approriate therapy. While such venting may serve to assuage to some extent Mr. Jack's midlife crisis, it does not make any real argument one way or the other. A conspiracy involves collusion, not competition. Speaking of competition, the tournament on Handlordz is populated with people with passion for what they do. This passion exists independent of those who do not comprehend it. They built a huge skatepark in my neighborhood that is crowded day and night. I went to the grocery store and saw six magaines devoted to skateboarding. Skateboarding is analagous to XCM in that the goal is to do better and more difficult stunts. The other crucial similarity between XCM and skating is that both are done primarily for the thrill of doing the move, not the enjoyment of spectators. Spectators happen to enjoy both, but XCM is fun for you first. Ask any skater why he does what he does, and the answer will not involve entertaining others. Magic is an art, but it primarily an entertainment art. XCM is an art, but is primarily an art of doing, rather than showing or watching. And, like many similar endeavors, it is entertaining to watch as well. A second hander like Fingerjack does not seem to fathom that the players he ridicules are producing enduring works of art and having a real influence on many, many people. You can do XCM for others if you want, but unlike magic, the main reason you do it is to do it.
slumpy
View Profile
New user
24 Posts

Profile of slumpy
WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA>>...........Both thumbs up for you dude.
Very FXXXX funny.......
Just a passerby
magiCAD
View Profile
Regular user
Los Angeles
166 Posts

Profile of magiCAD
You are one creative dude. As with all of the stuff that I've seen of your's, I like.
-Rich
zombieboy
View Profile
Special user
Connecticut, USA
889 Posts

Profile of zombieboy
That was unbelievable! You, sir, are my god.
MnemonicaRedux
View Profile
Regular user
179 Posts

Profile of MnemonicaRedux
Jamil,

"sat∑ire
n.

1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity."



;)

-Kev
Jordini
View Profile
Inner circle
San Francisco
2766 Posts

Profile of Jordini
Quote:
On 2005-01-25 10:35, Jamil wrote:
Magic is an art, but it primarily an entertainment art. XCM is an art, but is primarily an art of doing, rather than showing or watching.


I'm going to have to disagree with you my friend. Since I can remember (pre-school days) I have loved watching magic. I did not get into magic just to entertain everyone around me. I started because I love watching magic, and I love doing magic. I only do tricks for my spectators that I like doing, and that I enjoy watching as well. Also, I fail to see the comparison between XCM and Skateboarding. Skateboarding is not an art, it is a sport. So you would have to also consider XCM a sport, but you already said it is an art. Besides, when I do flourishes, I do them to impress other people. When I do magic, I do it for myself.

I have a question for you Jamil. Do you watch the Daily Show for real news coverage?
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
Oscar Wilde

"If you only knew the hours I spent just thinking about practicing"
-The Amazing Jonathan
The Magic Cafe Forum Index Ľ Ľ Pasteboard Frolics Ľ Ľ The Pasteboard Frolic Conspiracy (0 Likes)
 Go to page 1~2~3 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2019 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.22 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL