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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Boy Scout Jokes/tricks (1 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

dearwiseone
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Portland, OR
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I've done a search on the web and Café, but can't find many Boy Scout jokes. I'm performing for a Blue and Gold banquet and am looking for any jokes to use throughout the show. If you have any suggestions for jokes or tricks, I would appreciate it! Thanks!

P.S. I've already seen the one "Boy Scout" post on the Café.
The Donster
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I do know one but I'm not sure if you can use it. It's more like an Adult Joke.
Posted: Feb 7, 2005 11:45pm
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Here goes one that Might work. Do you know what Webelo Stands for? It means we above cub scouts but Webelo Boy Scouts.
WhiteAngel
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West Virginia, USA
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I'm an Eagle scout, and have heard tons of them. One is
Why did it take 8 boy scouts to help the old lady across the road?
She didn't want to go!

I'll try to think of some more this evening.
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:08pm
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How to build a campfire:

Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
Bandage left thumb.
Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
Bandage left foot.
Make a structure of slivers (including those embedded in the hand).
Light match.
Light match.
Repeat 'A Scout is cheerful' and light match.
Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of flames.
Apply burn ointment to nose.
When fire is burning, collect more wood.
When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
After thunderstorm has passed, repeat the above steps
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:11pm
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How to know if you are too serious about Scouting:

You buy that '89 Chevy Caprice because you really like that fleur de lis hood ornament
Your favorite color is 'olive drab'
You decide to lash together the new deck on the back of your house
You plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party
You walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and flashlight hanging from your belt
You raise your hand in the scout sign at a heated business meeting
You were arrested by airport security because you wouldn't give up your official Cub Scout pocket knife until the officer said 'thank you'
You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days
Your son hides his copy of Leader Magazine from you
Your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the hole deeper
You trade your 25 foot center console fishing boat in on that great little 15 foot canoe
Your favorite movie is 'Follow Me Boys' staring Fred MacMurry, and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on home video
You managed to find that 8th day in the week
You disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the '3 pot method'
You sneak a cup of 'bug juice' after the troop turns in for the night
You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together
Latrines at camp start becoming comfortable
You think campaign hats are cool
You gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 deg F for Christmas
You name one of your kids Baden
Your favorite tune is 'Camp Granada'
You can recite the Cub Law and Promise backwards, in order, in 3 seconds flat
You bought 10,000 shares of Coleman stock on an inside tip they were about to release a microwave accessory for their camp stove line
You can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a zip-lock bag
You plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cook book
You took a chemistry course at the local college to help you develop a better fire starter
You actually own a left-handed smoke shifter
The height of your social season is the district recognition dinner
You were disappointed when Leader magazine didn't win the Pulitzer Prize last year
The Cubs in your pack chipped in to have you abducted by a professional cult de-programmer.
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:14pm
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What do do if you are lost in the woods?:

The scoutmaster was teaching the scouts about survival in the desert.
'What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?' he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one young scout raised his hand.
'Yes Johnny, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?' asked the Scoutmaster.
Johnny replied, 'A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.'
'Why's that Johnny?'
Johnny answered, 'The compass is to find the right direction and the water is to prevent dehydration...'
'And what about the deck of cards?' asked the scoutmaster.
'Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!'

This one is my favorite (Baden-Powell was the founder of the boy scouts)

When the Camp was first being explored, a group led by Baden-Powell rode into camp on horseback. Being unfamiliar with the area, they became lost before too long. Suddenly an Indian approached them on horseback. Immediately behind the indian was a small black bear also riding a horse. Confused, Baden-Powell asked them which way to go. Unsure himself, the indian sent the bear ahead to check the area out. Before long the small bear returned and drew a detailed map of the area. Baden-Powell was impressed saying, "I didn't think that little bear could do that."
The Indian replied, "Haven't you ever seen a Cub Scout?"
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:19pm
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A Scout was telling his fellow Scouts how getting the first aid merit badge had prepared him for an emergency. "I saw a women hit by a truck," he stated. "She had a twisted ankle, broken bones, and a fractured skull."
"How terrible! What did you do?"
"Thanks to my first-aid training, I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the ground, and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:20pm

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What do you call an ant that helps a patrol leader?
An Assist Ant Patrol Leader.

What merit badge do you earn for getting your ears pierced in China?
Orient Earring.

Why did the fly eat on the tent flap?
It was a dining fly.

Where will campers sleep in the 21st century?
In the future tents.

What do you call a Girl Scout glued to the ceiling?
Stuck up.

What did the quarterback say to the Scout troop?
Hike.

Why did Joe Scout tiptoe past his tent.
He didn't want to wake up the sleeping bags.
Posted: Feb 8, 2005 5:57pm
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After the Pack Meeting, a Cub Scout walked up to the Cub Master and said to him "When I grow up, I want to be a Cub Master just like you, so could you please do a better job".

These aren't all ready to use for your event, I'm sure, but with some adjustments, I'm sure you will find what you need. If not, I will find some links for you. Let me know, and PM me if you have any questions about this.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
Donald Dunphy
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Victoria, BC, Canada
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Amazing!

Here's my tiny contribution.

Q: What did the mechanic say to the scout leader, after he repaired his car horn?

A: "Beep Repaired." (Be Prepared.)

- Donald
Donald Dunphy is a Victoria Magician, British Columbia, Canada.
okito25
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Victoria BC Canada
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Ha ha ha ha .... I've just gotta rip that one off .. Smile
anyhooo Wiseone ... There is a great book out called Best of the Leader.. Orrr just check out with any leader you know and grab a dozen or So Leader magazines, they are Loaded with gems such as the one Donald and White Angle shared , as a leader and I know a ton just forget em all the time ( scout joke overload ), once the necker is hung up for the night,
Keet
handa
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Pittsburgh, PA
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Most Libraries have subscriptions to BOYS' LIFE magazine, and some may even have copies of SCOUTING as well. Both have humor/story sections. The last pages of BL are called "Think and Grin" and contain Scout-safe jokes, riddles, and one-liners.

Try the humor section of http://www.scouter.com as well.

handa

P.S.--I've also used jokes off of Laffy Taffy wrappers and Good Humor ice cream sticks as a part of shows/bits for Scout audiences. These are not Scout-specific, but are of the type of punny humor that goes over well with a Blue and Gold audience.
jkvand
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Johnstown, PA
658 Posts

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I've been working on a top 10 list for this, but haven't gotten all 10. Maybe some of these will help you, and maybe some others could contribute some ideas as well. Here's what I have so far:
The Top 10 reasons to be a scout
10. Women love a man in uniform
9. Racing cars is not only legal, but encouraged (Pine Wood Derby, that is)
8. You get to play w/fire (safely!)
7. If your parents ever throw you out, you know how to survive in the wild
6. you can waste an entire day fishing & earn a merit badge for it
5. If someone asks if you go to church regularly, you can honestly say 'yes' even if you don't go on Sundays
Let's see if we can complete the list!
Dan Monroe
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Indiana
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I was a boy scout until I was 15, then I became a girl scout!

I have used this a few times it goes over pretty good.

Dan
The power is within us all...I'm just a little more full of it.
danmonroe.bravehost.com
Magic.J.Manuel
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I have danced upon
664 Posts

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Nothing would get done at all, if man waited so long that no one could find fault with it.
WhiteAngel
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West Virginia, USA
269 Posts

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A good reason....
CoEd campouts...w/ Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts

I really like the fishing one, lol

There are a few mottos we had in our own troop, though
the first one I wouldn't tell them....

On My honor I will do my best
to help the girlscouts get undressed..

and this one is ok, I think....

On my honor I will do my best
to keep what I got and steal the rest!
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
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