First, I know I am not well known in the inner circles of magic, however..... How about me?

Yeah I could use some prayers as my wife and I are dealing with a 17 year old girl. She has been in and out of foster programs and mental facilitis (mostly for threats on herself) and it has played havoc with our family. We are all exhausted and in tears not knowing what to do except pray.

I'm just asking for some prayers our way. We still believe there is some good in this child but she is doing everything possible to destroy that concept and eliminate our hope for her.

Has anyone here ever dealt with anything like this, what do you do, how do you keep going on day after day. I am really in a bad spot as a stepfather which she and her doctors have reminded me of numerous times.
Any help/advice and prayers will be deeply appreciated.

I didn't mean to rant so much.

Magically,
Mike King - shomemagic -
e-mail me at: shomemagic@jobe.net

Boy, I cannot imagine the turmoil this is causing you inside! My suggestions (for what they are worth)

1) Keep praying.

2) Persist - I think deep down she is trying to test you both, perhaps especially you. In her state it seems that self esteem is way low and she expects either physical or emotional abandonment. Do your best to meet her worst with consistent emotional stability. She perhaps is waiting for you to "break" and lash out at her so she can say, "See, I knew you didn't care!". My daughters, during the terrible 2's were real frustrating, but meeting them head on with a firm, stable attitude that did not bend to their whims saved the day. But it took time.

3) Know that #2 above won't be easy!

4) Even though it seems like she's trying to destroy the relationships, it's probably a cry for help. It's been said many times that kids want rules and boundaries, even if they act as though they don't.

5) Keep meeting her anger with love. It really can short-circuit destructive behavior, and often forces the person to begin looking in the mirror to discover the reasons things seem so bleak.

6) Don't beat yourself up over this. I don't know the specifics, but if you have done your best, that's all you can do. And continue to do so.

7) I assume she is in counselling. Try to go as a family to sessions. There could be a medical explanation, but I assume you have already investigated that avenue.

8) It doesn't matter that your a step-father. That's the situation - PERIOD. You still have an obligation as the father/leader in the home to guard her well-being. Are you any less responsible for her because you're a step-father? Of course not!
I can understand that a child might try to throw that fact in your face. How you meet that challenge will be important. "Father" is still half of "step-father"!

Again, this is my 2 cents. I have just prayed for you (yes, I really did just now). Keep us posted. We're a good support group!

Your brother,

Mark

Friend, My Prayers are with you.

First, I will say that my Mother remarried when I was 15. She married a wonderful man who although he was my Stepfather, adopted my little Brother) I felt I was too old for that..) but at a time when I was all ready starting to get into trouble, he gave me a solid model of love for my Mother, and personal integrity that I could ignore. I can not even imagine where, or who, I would be if not for his Love, and his loving discipline. So I know the value of a Stepfather. Keep it up. You're not "just a stepfather". You are privileged to step into Fatherhood by choice, rather than by chance! God Bless you!

Now on to the child: My son is an alcoholic since 15 (now 32) and Bipolar (recently diagnosed). He was abused by A Step Father - His mother and I divorced when he was 5. I was a wreck for much of the next 25 years, as he was in and out of treatment, detention, and then Jail. He stole cars, stole and forged checks, Sold drugs - and got caught for all of it. I felt guilt, and shame, and love for him, and sorrow for the hurt he was inflicting on everyone around him.

I felt that I had done all I could, but nothing changed - and it had helped destroy one marriage and threatened my current one (This one is my first marriage as a Christian - and by God's Grace, my final Marriage. Prior to coming to Christ, I just cried. Then after coming to Christ 11 years ago, I cried out to God. I prayed, and Said "God I give him to you! Please help him." But nothing changed.

Then about two years ago, when he got fired from a great job, left his wife and son, and was homeless, drunk on the streets, I was praying through my tears, and said "God why don't you do something? I gave him to you!"

I felt an overwhelming burden of wonder. I asked myself (Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit) Did I really give him to God. Hadn’t I run to pick him up, bail him out, etc every time. Hadn’t I fed him and held him up enough to keep him from hitting too hard when he fell? I hadn't given him to God! I never took my hands off him!

That night I finally gave him to God. And I prayed "God, whatever it takes! I will not get in your way anymore." Drunk, my son called me to come get him, and I said. I love you Son. But only God can help you now. And hung up. I quit catching him when he fell. At the time I cried out of loneliness and loss as I felt he might die on numerous occasions. But God assured me that He was God. And that He was in charge. So I often repeated those words, "Your Will, Not Mine, Oh Lord!" And meant them!

After nearly two more years, gradually, his alcoholic binges were reduced from months to the last one - a single day, and Finally now he has admitted his addiction to alcohol. He has sought medical treatment for his Bipolar Mania and Depressions, He has a great job, he has started treating his wife right, and quit his verbal abuse of his stepson.

He is my best friend. Recently he called about something that he wanted my help with on a Sunday, I said; Well, I am going to 12:00 service, what services are you going to? We can just get together after whichever one is later. His response surprised me. He said, you know.. I have been thinking we should start going to Church as a Family! And I said, that might be a good thing for all of you together. And In my Spirit I was saying YES, YES, YES! Thank you Jesus!

I have gone on quite a bit, but my purpose was two fold! 1. To let you know that I understand your pain. 2. To just say that there comes a time, when we can't do anything more. And it is time to take our hands off, and really give it to God.

I don’t mean that you stop praying or that you stop asking for Prayer. It is hard for some of us to ask for Prayer. I know how humbling that is! And I commend you for your courage in asking for prayer! So keep on Praying. And asking for Prayer. Especially pray for Wisdom to know what to do, and also for the courage to actually do it, or to do nothing, if that it what it takes. And also Pray for the patience to wait for God!

I think the hardest Prayer to pray, and really mean it; is "Your Will, Not Mine!"

I will pray for you! Chessman already has, and I am sure that others will as well. I pray that you feel the warm comforting Hand of God on your shoulder! Be Still and Know that He is God! And nothing else is sure, except that He loves us!

God Bless you for what you are trying to do!
You are not alone!

BroDavid

All I can say is Thank You, just knowing there are others that have or are going through the same type of thing is comforting and motivational in the fact, that you do not give up. Your prayers are appreciated more than I can express, knowing you care even though some are dealing with their own issues, you still take time to pray for my family. You are truly friends, I have always said the magic community is one of the finest groups of individuals I have ever had the honor to be associated with.
Please continue to keep the prayers coming our way.

The word says "Ask and ye shall receive" I have asked and I am receiving the much needed support through this situation from my brothers here and from the good Lord.
My grandmother, God bless her told me the the Lord will NOT place a burden on you that you can't carry. I believe that statement 100%.

I know the harder I pray, the harder the devil works against me. The devil can't WIN the good book says that we know how the story ends. I know I am covered with the blood of God and the devil has no reign on me or my family as I have rebuked his authority in my home, my family, my business and my life.

Thank you, thank you for your support and may God bless each and everyone of you as he has me by letting me have friends like you for support.

God Bless,
Mike King And Family