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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Believe it or not... » » Sideshow Jokes (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

drwilson
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Bar Harbor, ME
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Ok, Ladies and Gentleman, let's keep it within Café guidelines or we lose the thread to the moderators. It's a fine line to walk given the subject material, but here's my contribution:

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

The other one wanted to drive.

Yours,

Paul
DonDriver
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That was really funny...thanks Dr Wilson.I feel like I need to give you one for that one but I can't think of a sideshow joke...but this is close.
When a mime gets arested does the police say "You have the right to remain silent"
Sorry but that's the best I have right now.
Later,Don
Harley Newman
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And then there's...if a tree falls on a mime in the forest, does anybody care?

Not to denigrate mimes, but they can speak up for themselves.
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
Doug Higley
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Here and There
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Why not denegrate Mimes? They can't hear you inside those glass boxes.
Higley's Doug's Museum
Harley Newman
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Or the bath joke...great mimes sink alike.

or for the serious flirt...grave mimes wink alike.

Or grape vines drink alike, since I seem to be on that kind of kick.

Any joke like that is bad enough to put on a sideshow stage.
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
Roland Henning
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Kiel, Germany
511 Posts

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I got one.

If you shoot a mime, do you need a muffler?
Todd Robbins
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New York
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A guy takes a girl to see a sideshow. One of the acts is fellow eating glass, cigarettes, flowers and a tin can. The guy says,"That's a great act." The woman shrugs her shoulders and says,"That's nothing. A goat can do all that and give milk too."

I have other jokes, but I would be kicked off of the Café if I posted them.
Crossroads Mystic
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Rapid City, SD
498 Posts

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Hey Todd,

Could you pm the 'other' jokes to me? Smile

Gavin D.
...from whose bourne,

no traveler returns...

Formerly Mr.Skin

facebook.com/CrossroadsMystic
Cholly, by golly!
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Here's a punchline to a joke about a traveling animal act:


I'll give it a shot, mister... if you promise not to hit me with that stick!


I can't post the joke but everybody know this one.
rossmacrae
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Arlington, Virginia
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A guy is sitting in a bar and buys a drink for a beautiful woman he meets. He says he works in a bank, and she replies that she works on a carnival. They soon head back to her place, and as he enters her apartment, he is struck by the stuffed animals everywhere, the apartment is filled with plush. There are stuffed animals on the bookshelves, on top of the TV, all over the kitchen, everywhere. They quickly find themselves in bed and they spend a night of passion together. The next morning, when he wakes up, he turns to her and asks confidently, "How was I?". She thinks a moment and says, "You can take anything from the middle shelf".

===================

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 130 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 110 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Wauwa, it was wousy."

=====================

A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out: caterer, band, and a hired clown. The clown brings a couple of carnies with him. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some firewood. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.

The guests arrive and all is going well, the children have a wonderful time, but the clown does not show up — the lady finds him passed out drunk at the rear of the house, where he was drinking and watching his friends chop wood. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.

She happens to look out the window and sees one of the carnies doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.

She calls the other guy over and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

"Well," he responds, "I dunno, let me ask him … HEY WILLIE! FOR $50 WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

=========================

"See the High Dive — $2.00! Next show: 1:00" The sign had drawn a hefty audience, and everyone could clearly see see the highest ladder anyone had ever seen … at its top, a teensy diving platform, and at the base, a tiny pool of water about three inches deep. "This is going to be incredible," everyone says.

Then there's a drum roll and out comes an elderly man … he looks like someone's great-grandfather clad in baggy, ill-fitting tights. The audience gasps as this feeble gentleman shuffles over to the base of the ladder and puts his foot on the first rung. Then he stops and turns to the audience. In a low, weak voice, he mutters, "Isn't this pathetic? I'm ninety years old," he says. "I'll probably break every bone in my body doing this, I might even kill myself. What a horrible way to have to make a living. But what the hell, I have to do it…"

He starts to climb but someone in the audience yells, "Don't dive!" Then others start chiming in, yelling, "Don't do it, old man!" He stops climbing and turns to them again. "I wish I could stop," he says. "But then you people will all ask for your money back and I won't get paid and I won't be able to afford food or rent or my medicine or…"

Another audience member yells, "We won't ask for our money back!" And everyone roars in agreement. "We won't, just don't jump!" The old man turns away from the ladder, tears filling his eyes. "You won't? Oh, you're so wonderful! You've not only saved my life, you've restored my faith in humanity. You're good people; good, compassionate, caring people. God bless you all," he says. "My next show is at 2:00!"

=========================

A carnival truck and a revival preacher's truck collide head-on, and everyone is killed. The next thing anyone knows, Saint Peter is interrogating the revival preacher very thoroughly. Suddenly, the carnival crew arrives at the Pearly Gates reeking of beer and reefer, and Saint Peter continues waves them all through as he continues questioning the preacher. The Reverend splutters indignantly and asks, "How can you let those filthy, unrighteous hooligans into heaven while you give me the third degree?" "Take it easy," Saint Peter says. "They're only going to be here a week."

============================

Why would I work at a carnival? I just thought it would be really cool to wake up entirely too early, get treated like a slave all day and most of the night, stand in line for every meal to get horrible food, and have no social life except with complete weirdos … oh, wait, that's the from "Top Ten Reasons I Hate Prison" list.

Okay, so it's about the circus, not the sideshow...

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
Sonny Vegas
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Chicago, Illinois - USA
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Funny stuff Ross...nice collection Smile
Believe in yourself and the magic will come.

www.SonnyVegas.com
www.TheVegasBrothers.com
Kondini
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Took the wife to see the mad dog pit walkround show,,,they were snarling and humping and ****ting all over the place,,,,,all of a sudden one dog bit the other in the balls,,,,the dog in pain quickly started to lick his private parts >>> the wife said I wish I was flexible enough to be able to do that >>> I replied >>> ask him nicely and he might let you.

* * * * * * * *


Two blokes drinking in a Pub,,,,they both looked as miserable as hell,,,,,,in came the Human Oddities from the local Carny,,,,there was Inko the human picture, Pinky the Pin Head, Stumpy the armless legless miracle,,,,these Carny folk soon got blotto and worse for drink,,,singing and dancing and having a hell of a time.

The Landlord went over to the two miseries and said "Look at them,poor chaps, but they are all happy even with their deformaties" Look at Stumpy jumping up and down he`s having a great time,,,,"Hey Stumpy come over here and tell these two miserable gits how it is that your so happy jumping about and they are so miserable" Stumpy jumped over to them and said " Im not having a F****** good time at all,,,,I have just got an itchy ass"!!!!!

PS If any of the above has offended anybody at all I would just like to say from the bottom of my heart that >>>>>>> I couldn't give a toss!!!!
rossmacrae
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Arlington, Virginia
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With apologies to Penn & Teller (who gave this the ultimate workout in a soon-to-be-released movie):

The ten-in-one owner was suddenly down to five-in-one: the fat lady had a heart attack, the magician had run off with the tattooed girl, the girl-in-fishbowl had drowned, and the sword swallower ... well, he SAID the act was dangerous! How was he going to stay open without something more to show?

Just then, an old pal walked in ... he had just closed his show, was passing through on the way to retirement in Gibtown, stopped in to say "hello." "Don't worry, pal, my best act is free since I closed - they'll be glad to have another job!"

"They?" said the owner?

"Yeah, it's a family act ... but it's not a family show, no sir! Get this: Mom, Dad, two beautiful teenage girls, their husbands, and a mule." He proceeds to describe a mind-bending display of perversion fit for a barnyard (and not one of the better barnyards) involving the expelling of ping-pong balls being batted for home-runs by (well, better left to the imagination), multi-generational sex acts, acrobatics involving various body parts not usually displayed to the public, a very creative interlude involving bodily fluids, and we haven't even gotten to the part with the mule ... all in a snappy and memorable ten minutes. Certainly the nastiest, most disgusting series of displays since "Beat the Clock" went off the air. "You've probably heard about them, and now they're available!" said the retiree.

"And what is this act called?" said the ten-in-one owner.

"THE ARISTOCRATS!"
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