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S2000magician
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Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.

Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a bloody garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty?

I'll give them a bloody warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their . . . .

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

“What?” asks Roger, startled.

“Please don't torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have . . . Oh Roger, I feel so . . . . ” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” asks Roger.

“I'm such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.”

“There's no horse?” asks Roger.

“You think I'm a fool, don't you?” Elaine asks.

“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

“Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she asks.

“What way?” asks Roger.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.” (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Roger,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

“Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
Doug Higley
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Excellent. Say's it all.

Doug
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Justin R
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Dave Barry ?
Margarette
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Just remember, when in doubt, give jewelry!! Smile
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Doug Higley
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Life's lesson: Only give Jewelry to Redheads.
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Patrick Differ
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Gee, Whiz! For a second there I was thinking that you were spying on me and my wife!

I chuckled a lot while reading this. I keep thinking of two people separated by a common language. I'm also thinking of showing this to my wife. I'm also thinking that I need to change the oil in my truck...and the air filter...it's been hesatating lately.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
Brian Proctor
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This was required reading for us in freshman year of college a while back.
Jonathan Townsend
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I like it. Is this your presntation for an origami fold to make a horse?
...to all the coins I've dropped here
Whiterabbit
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Kevin Mc Lean
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So that's why I get into trouble every time I buy my wife a present I think she's asked for...
May your fingers never lose their deftness,

May your tongue always lead them down the garden path...



Regards,



Whiterabbit
Jonathan Townsend
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On more serious note, that story is a great example of how men live on Mars and women live on Venus even though we are together here on Earth. Just shows how different the INTERNAL worlds are.
...to all the coins I've dropped here
Michael Baker
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I think my name used to be Roger...
~michael baker
The Magic Company
nums
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I have a life, or I would have more than
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Men are outies while women are innies...

Jeff
vinsmagic
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sleeping with the fishes...
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Just attend divorce court

The woman will get the Urainum, mine and the man will get the Shaft.....
that's the difference....

the godfather
Come check out my magic.

http://www.vinnymarini.com
Seth
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That's straight outta Dave Barry's guide to guys
vinsmagic
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sleeping with the fishes...
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Never heard of Dave Barry... he mist of heard me say that pharase
Come check out my magic.

http://www.vinnymarini.com
Jonathan Townsend
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Dave Barry has been writing books and a syndicated newspaper column for over a decade. It helps to be aware of popular literature.
...to all the coins I've dropped here
vinsmagic
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sleeping with the fishes...
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Well that pharase is not origional with me, and it is not origional with Barry .I am not aware of pop literature ........ and I could care less.I can say with certainty I might not be well read but I have experience in life.....over 6 decades

the godfather
Come check out my magic.

http://www.vinnymarini.com
Justin R
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I think what Seth meant is that the article at the top is from Dave Barry.
S2000magician
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I was not aware of its origin.

Thanks.
Alym Amlani
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There's a less family-oriented version that was floating around on email as well. I'll see if I can dig it up Smile

It's very funny.
Logic Defied
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