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Margarette
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...and I don't mean ventriloquism!

Just please bear with me in realizing that this is coming from a woman's perspective.

Why is it that when guys see a single woman at a magic function, it's like buzzards to road kill? Even as small as the Workshop was, I had several guys approach me saying "I noticed you from the first day....." then proceed to pick up line 142. And this happened before I did my routine for the critique. I knew to expect it after everyone saw the routine, so I was prepared. I did meet some very nice people at the Workshop, and these nice ones did save me a couple of times from the weirdos.

I do realize a single woman is more the exception than the rule at magic functions, but guys, do you go to magic functions to pick up women? If the answer is NO, then why should a woman go to a magic function expecting to get picked up by a man (single or not, it doesn't seem to matter). I can generally tell the strange ones, because the have the line "I noticed you from the first day". Well, yeah, I will admit, I'm a bit easy to notice....not just for the fact that I'm a woman at a magic function, but the fact that I've got this long hair that seems to get noticed very easily. Whenever I arrange to meet someone I've met over the internet, I always say "look for the lady with long blonde hair...that will be me."

I mean, I go to magic functions to learn, network, and yes, socialize...but that doesn't mean I'm out to...uh...well, use your imagination. I don't mind if guys want to talk magic, I don't mind if guys want to talk about non-magic related stuff...what I do mind is guys, when noticing I don't have on a wedding ring, assuming I'm there for more than just the magic.

I will admit that I have started some really great friendships at magic functions. I'm really happy I have these friendships, but these guys never once gave me the line "I noticed you from the very first day...." So, that has now become my warning signal. If I hear that line, it's approach with caution and be prepared to have a hasty retreat ready!

OK, I think I'm done....for now.

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Jones
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"Silk-to-can of Mace" springs to mind.

Ian
Peter Marucci
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Pick up women?
Most of the guys I've met at magic conventions figure they're having a good day if they can pick up their feet!
Smile
x-treem
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Smile Jones and Peter.

Here is my guess Margarette,

1)It is rare to see a female magicianne, people have told me it is a turn on to see one.

2)They are away from the wife for a weekend

3)They need to see if they still "have it"

4)If they never "had it" and still try, it is because they are in denial.

5) They are clueless over all

6) They thought you were the centerfold in a men's magazine and just wanted confirm their suspecion.


An easy solution, is to wear a ring on that finger, to represent your marriage to God. My wife had the same problem you did until she put on a ring to represent that. If someone asked if she was married she'd say, "Yes I am married to the Lord."
Smile
A direct from text adaptation : The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Starring Mickey Rooney in his final role.
Bascomb Grecian
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Margarette:

I certainly was not there so all I can do is offer conjecture.

Do you feel they were trying to get you out on a date, or just starting conversation?

Men are men, we do what God wired us to do, find females. That said, if you felt uncomfortable I can sympathize. I do magic in a place called, "Cheesecakes Unlimited". The restaurant is especially liked by 99% of the women in town. I do magic for women all day long there, not many men go there.

I have been asked to dance on the table instead of doing my magic. No kidding. I just want to do magic, as I am not a male stripper. I am flattered by the inuendos and take any advances as compliments.

So look at it that way, maybe you thought he wanted a date, what he really wanted was a conversation at face value.

Bascomb
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Margarette
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Quote:
On 2002-10-15 06:09, Bascomb wrote:
Margarette:
Do you feel they were trying to get you out on a date, or just starting conversation?


Well, when one guy came up to me, and gave 'the line', conversed with me for a few minutes, then said "Hey, some of us want to go out bar-hopping...you wanna come along?", I kinda thought he wanted more than conversation.

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Bascomb Grecian
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I would just say this, don't let one bad experience keep you from learning from other magicians. Most of us are nice, good people.

Keep going to conventions, Margarette.
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Margarette
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This isn't just one bad experience....it seems to happen at almost every magic function I go to. IBM in San Diego was the exception, but then, I don't think they would have wanted to deal with the guys I was hanging out with. I have had guys try to get me drunk and take advantage of me. I have had men, who because of their position in IBM, attempt to assert themselves on me. I have had men talk with me who at the end of the conversation still not be able to tell you what color my hair is. I have even had out and out lies spread about me. I will not stop going to conventions because I have done nothing wrong.

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Derek P. Moore
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Margarette, I've noticed you from your first post. Er... I mean... You're cute. Er... Darnit! I guess I'm one o' those weirdos!
All my posts are anti-copyright 2002 by myself. No rights reserved. Plagiarism is encouraged. Intellectual property is an oxymoron.
Adam V
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I hate it too Margarette. Everytime I go anywhere I have men swarming me and asking for dates. It must be my delicate bone structure that does it.
Adam V - 9 out of 10 dentists recommend him.
Kendrix
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Margarette: Lighten up. There will come a time when you will miss the attention.
vinsmagic
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Margerette . you must be a very attracitve woman? Beauty and magic go hand and hand
vinny
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Joe M. Turner
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Margarette:

There's no excuse for bad manners. Even when I was single, I was not the type of person who was out to go barhopping and picking up chicks.

However...

Many people ARE involved in the stereotypical "singles scene" and like to go barhopping, dancing, and so forth... and sometimes some of them do have an underlying motive of seeking a companion for the evening. I don't like it, but it's undeniably part of the culture we live in.

That said, I think any attractive woman without a wedding ring -- and sometimes even if you ARE wearing one! -- is probably going to hear some pick-up lines if she attends a large convention of any kind that has a significant socializing component. I don't think it's limited to magic, and I don't think it's that the men involved are only attending the convention for the purpose of hooking up.

You've already noted one striking aspect of your appearance. It would seem to me that "being noticed from the very first day" is likely to be one of the inherent complications of having a particularly striking or unusual hairstyle. I only know one way to keep people from noticing you because of your hairstyle, and that's to change to a less noticable hairstyle. Probably not an option you really care to pursue... but I figure you're just going to have to learn to live with the fact that you'll probably be noticed for your hair, and it's kind of unreasonable to suggest that someone who mentions that they noticed you because of it should be automatically suspect.

If you are attending a convention and don't want to hear pick-up lines, you can probably reduce the chances by having an escort with you. That's not intended as a chauvinistic remark... just an idea. There are often people at conventions whom you will know and trust. If you are frequently in their company, it would seem to me that you would not have an air of "availability" that you... or any attractive single person... might otherwise have.

Otherwise, just tell the person that you're not interested. If they persist beyond your comfort point, tell them that you'll inform security and the convention management if they don't stop. (I'm assuming, of course, that this is NOT a situation where you're being harassed or physically assaulted in any way, in which case you should kick the bloody heck out of whoever it is and run like heck.)

Just a hasty collection of my thoughts after reading your post... take away what you wish, and throw out the parts you don't like.

Best,
JMT
...
Regards,
Joe M. Turner
[email]jmt@turnermagic.com[/email]
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Greg Arce
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Hey, Margarette, I'm sorry that you have to go through that, but you're not alone. Most women who find themselves in what is considered a traditional male role will get hit on. Men, at times, act like a pack of wolves and go for the "hunt". You won't be the first or the last to have this situation thrust upon you. From what I remember you have strong opinions about your field and you've accomplished a lot so just keep doing what you're doing and take the rest with a grain of salt. As long as no one physically imposes themselves on you then just give them the brush off and continue to struggle in your restraints.
Keep up the good fight and don't quick on magic just because it's full of magicians.
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stevehw
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I think you would agree that a female magician is somewhat a novilty in the magic community and therefore at magic conventions.
Granted that, you would probably expect that you would recieve a little more attention than the average Joe. That's not to say that you should have to put up with any sort of harrassment from fellow magicians or anyone else for that matter. But to a certain extent, I think it is one of those things that comes with the territory. In a similar way, actors, actresses and fameous magicians are continuously subjected to autograph hounds. Some don't like it, but most just accept it, within reason, and move on. Of course you shouldn't have to spend your valuable convention time fighting off a few males in heat. I doubt you are experiencing this problem with a great number of the guys there. As for those who really make you feel uncomfortable, and won't stop with the answer "NO", just let security handle it, so you can enjoy the convention.
As a result of this post, I doubt that your unwanted approaches will end all together, but I would be concerned that those who just wanted to give you a friendly hello, might now feel a little uncomfortable with it. Hopefully that won't happen though.

Respectfully,
Steve
Margarette
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I don't mind the friendly hello's...I don't mind sitting down and talking with new people...I welcome that...after all, that's what conventions are for...meeting new people! I meet new people at conventions all the time. Just don't come up to me and say "Gee, I noticed you from the very first day!" Say something like "Hello, I would like to introduce myself to you....." Just engage in pleasant conversation...and look at my eyes or in the general location of my face!

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
DavidEscapes
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Hi all

I do a lot of stiltwalking a a rather skimpy and revealing costume, usually at clubs and believe me the women offer a LOT more than just friendly hellos! The most common response is to grab parts they should not be grabbing without my informed consent. It is embarrasing and VERY uncomfortable for me. I am sure some guys would love it. To me, it feels like abuse.

Being on Chinese stilts in an environment like a nightclub means I am limited in my abilities to get away. I risk losing my pay if I tell them what I think of them for doing it and the action could also make me fall over, putting both me and the people around in real physical danger.

I was also once set upon by two women bikers while in the middle of a straitjacket escape. I could do NOTHING to stop them grabbing me and trying to pull off clothing. It was only the crotch strap that saved me. I was performing at a Satan's Slaves (like the Hell's Angels) birthday party and their boyfriends were in the audience laughing. So as well as being abused in front of an audience I also stood the chance of having my head kicked in if I handled the situation wrong or actually made my feelings known. My wife was also present, making it doubly horrible for me and horrible for her, too.

Please understand that I am not trying to detract from your experiences Margerette, not in the slightest. I just wanted to note that men can also experience being treated as nothing but objects. It is an appalling thing.

Regards

Duncan
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The Village Idiots
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It's always Margerette, Margerette, Margerette!!! (That's a joke and Brady reference.)

But really, I have been to a show where a guy says, "Hey, ya wanta go have a beer?"

He wasn't coming on to me. He just wanted to have a beer and talk.

I want to know what is up with young women wearing shorts with words printed across the rear end? Then they go and complain that men stare at their assets. Same as chicks that dress with little to imagine then complain when men hit on them.

Now I am not say Margerette does any of this. I just wonder what an attractive woman is thinking when she complains that men hit on her.

I am hit on all the time. Not to sound arrogant, just honest. It comes with the attributions god gave me.

Sillily, Will
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
Margarette
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OK, if you read my original post, you will note that I said I expected comments after I did my little routine for the critiquing session. I expect comments every time I do this particular act. I accept that, and deal with it. It's part of the act!

I don't mind when guys want to sit in the bar and have a drink with me. I've done that on a few occasions. But, don't think that just because I have a drink with you, and engage in conversation with you, that I automatically want something else. There is a difference between, "Hey, let's have a drink and talk" and, "Heeeeyyyyy....let's have a drink and NOT talk."
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Lithix
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I'm not sure if it's the same way with the magic community or not, since I'm fairly new here - but in the juggling world it seems like it's every guy's secret fantasy that he will meet and fall in love with a woman who can juggle - I mean really juggle, not just do the cascade for 15 throws.

I think that everyone wants to find someone who is interested in the same things they are... someone they can share *all* their passions with, not just their sexual ones. I think that at these conventions your desire to learn and to perform is what makes you so attractive. You aren't like all the girls back home who just say, "Show me a card trick!" you are more likely to say, "Oh yeah? Look at this."

And that is a strong aphrodisiac indeed. Someone who can appreciate you for what you do and is there to share it... You're special. Smile
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