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Danny Diamond Inner circle Connecticut 1400 Posts |
Oh man. What an embarrassing situation I caused for myself at my last show! I'm VERY embarrssed by this, but I'll share it, in hopes that I can prevent one of you from ever making this mistake...
There were about 30 kids at this show, and an unusually large number of adults (from my experience) for a birthday party - about 15-18. The show's going great, we're all having fun. I call up three volunteers to help with the next trick. I typically choose two boys and one girl for this routine. I have the girl stand in between the boys, all of them to my left. I am now ready to ask their names. I start with the boy on the far end, and say in a nice, clear, loud voice, ”Sir, what is your name?” The child pauses for a moment, and then announces “Allison”. OH...MY...GOD. I just called this little girl SIR! But the thing is, it wasn't just a slip of the tongue - that I could have played off and it might have been funny. No, I legitamately thought this was a BOY! She was seven years old, somewhat stocky, and had slighlty shorter than shoulder-length hair that was kind of frizzy. She was also wearing a button-down Hawaiin print shirt. Every other girl at the party had on a sundress or was wearing pink or whatever, and this Hawaiin shirt girl just DIDN'T look like a little girl (not trying to be mean-but it's true). Like I said, had this been a typicial “princess” looking 7 year old, and I had a slip of the tongue and said “sir”, it would be easy to play off, and it would be an obvious mental error or a joke. But because of the look of this little girl, all of the adults KNEW I had mistaken her for a boy. For a split second, I thought about making a joke of it, but given the situation, I felt the best thing to do was to keep going with the routine and ignore the mistake. I got nothing but compliments after the show, and had many people asking for my info, so I guess there were no hard feelings from the parents. I am sure they understood how the mistake could have been made. But the lesson I learned, is to drop the “sir” and “ma'am” when getting my volunteer's names. What an embarrassing lesson this was though!
You don't drown by falling in the water;
you drown by staying there. - Edwin Louis Cole |
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Brian Lehr Inner circle Edmonton, Canada 1605 Posts |
That is embarrassing!
Same thing happened to me several weeks ago. During the pre-show warm-up, I knelt down in front of a young boy and asked, "So, how old are you, young man?" Everyone immediately shouted out, "She's a girl!" Oops. Much apologizing, along with a special magic trick for the young *girl*, saved the day. Brian |
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rossmacrae Inner circle Arlington, Virginia 2475 Posts |
It's embarrassing, but it happens - thankfully, it's a rare occurrence, because I have never thought of any solution.
Don't sweat it ... the kid's probably used to it (or did you think you were the only one to look at her and make that mistake?) |
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Danny Diamond Inner circle Connecticut 1400 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-06-20 11:40, rossmacrae wrote: No, I am sure there have been others who have made the mistake with this girl, although they probably didn't put the girl up on stage in front of 40+ people when they made the mistake! I felt bad all day when it happened, and I couldn't think of a good “out” for the situation. I am not bummed about it anymore, but it sure was a bad feeling at the time!
You don't drown by falling in the water;
you drown by staying there. - Edwin Louis Cole |
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Frank Tougas Inner circle Minneapolis, MN 1712 Posts |
We have all made that mistake at one time or another. Your solution to just go on with the show is probably best, making a joke of it only calls attention to it and sticks it more firmly in everyone's mind.
Frank Tougas
Frank Tougas The Twin Cities Most "Kid Experienced" Children's Performer :"Creating Positive Memories...One Smile at a Time"
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gibby New user ont. canada 41 Posts |
That's an easy one. I don't know why on earth you got all het up about it and made a mountain out of a molehill.
If a girl looks like a boy she will immediately protest "But I'm a girl" I usually look startled and say "oop! Sorry Madam" It gets a huge laugh from the parents. If it is a boy who looks like a girl (long hair can do that) I simply say "Sorry sir!" Or "oops! I forgot to wear my glasses today" That's all you need to do. No big deal. |
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Danny Diamond Inner circle Connecticut 1400 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-06-20 15:03, gibby wrote: I don't know what “het up” means, but it was just embarrassing. I didn't make a mountain out of it either, I just went on with my show. If being embarrassed is making a mountain out ot a molehill, than I guess I am a mountain-maker. Quote:
On 2005-06-20 15:03, gibby wrote: I actually thought about the glasses comment when it happened, since I actually do wear glasses occasionally. But then I thought that a comment like that might imply that you NEED glasses to determine the gender of this kid, and I thought that might be more insulting.
You don't drown by falling in the water;
you drown by staying there. - Edwin Louis Cole |
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Ron Reid Inner circle Phoenix, Arizona 2732 Posts |
Hi Danny:
I think rossmacrae and gibby are correct - it's no big deal at all, and has probably happened to the child before. I seriously doubt you did any damage at all, and everybody quickly forgot about it while enjoying your show. I think you're right - it's probably a good idea to cut out the "sir" or "madam" and let the child tell you his/her name first. Ron |
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gibby New user ont. canada 41 Posts |
I meant that you made a mountain out of a molehill after the show was over by fretting about it.
If you wear glasses during the show and the kid says "I'm a girl" slowly lower your glasses to look over the top of them, pause and say "So you are, sorry madam" and then move on. You will get a chuckle. |
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Joseph_Then Special user 747 Posts |
I don't think he's fretting. He is just sharing his experience so that all of us could benefit from it and take note of it in future.
Good to add it into our "library" of Ad-libs. No one's making a mountain out of a molehill... |
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gibby New user ont. canada 41 Posts |
He said he "felt bad about it all day". That to me is making a mountain out of a molehill. In other words fretting.
I personally would have forgotten about it literally seconds after it happened. |
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Chrystal Inner circle Canada/France 1552 Posts |
Hi,
I can see where Danny is coming from. He's sensitive that he may possibly have embarressed a child on stage. As he stated, it's different when you do something like this on stage infront of 40 other kids compared to another scenerio. If you see the child can handle it, than joking about it can sometimes eleviate the embarressment. In this case I think Danny handled it the right way. Chrystal |
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-06-20 23:54, gibby wrote: Tell the guy he is making a mountain of of a mole hill. That is SURE to make him feel better! Seriously though. It doesn't matter if he SHOULD feel bad or not. He DOES feel bad because he might have upset a little boy/girl! I did the once and called a boy, a girl. He/she was wearing a cat costume which consisted of a skintight leotard(!) with cat ears head band (!!) and whiskers drawn on with eyeliner (!!!!!). He even look like he was wearing MAKE UP! Most performers have embrassing stories to share and its by sharing them, commiserating and learning from them that we get over them. |
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David Bilan Special user Clarksville, TN 714 Posts |
It's not so much the mistake as it is how you recover. I was hosting a telethon and did the same thing (I thought Kim was a girl... long hair, the name, gender neutral appearance).
Arrgh! I felt like Charlie Brown. Kim didn't seem too upset, but his parents weren't happy. Apologized and went on. Since then I've tried to either make sure of the gender or avoid it all together. Live and learn. David
Yes, I am a magician. No I did not make my hare (hair) disappear... it just took early retirement.
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Macbeth Regular user London 129 Posts |
You could alway take a like from Troy McClure from the Simpsons:
Troy "Excuse me little girl"(Can't remember this line too well) Child "But I'm a boy" Troy "That's the spirit" |
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
Now its time for me to expose my fan geekdom...
Firstly, its Homer (who is performing as Krusty The Clown at Milhouse's birthday party) and the child is Ralph Wiggum. Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up. Its in the same episode that made me realise I wanted to retire my clown character... Homer: Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown! Im leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business. |
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Macbeth Regular user London 129 Posts |
Nicholas I stand corrected. But can I say......You geek!
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harris Inner circle Harris Deutsch 8812 Posts |
Danny,
This happens in my work as a magician as well as my work as a Nearly Normal Counselor woring with middle and high school students. Gender issues are very interesting to work with as a Nearly Normal Laughologist er counselor.... Your empathy and compassion probably shines through in your programs and personal life. Thanks for feeling. It means you are human. On a lighter side... As someone once said, "If at first you don't succeed, change your definition of success." When you are working things happen, it is the nature of our work. I once quipped that I liked someones braces.(I meant his suspenders. The crowd whent silent as I looked down and saw the braces on his legs....) Be safe, well and creative. Harris
Harris Deutsch aka dr laugh
drlaugh4u@gmail.com music, magic and marvelous toys http://magician.org/member/drlaugh4u |
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Danny Diamond Inner circle Connecticut 1400 Posts |
Thanks to everyone for their comments on this matter. And thanks to those who understood the idea of feeling bad about the situation, and didn't tell me I was overreacting.
Here is a funny and great followup to the situation... So today I am booked to perform a show at an elementary school in the same town as the party I did this past weekend (where I called the girl “sir”). The show is for 150 first grade children, and I am setting up alone in the Caféteria of the school. I hear the door open at the far end of the Caféteria, and who walks in, but Allison! It's the girl who I called “sir” only a few days ago! Only this time, she is with her mom. I guess they happened to just be walking through the Caféteria to get to another part of the school, as they were not part of the group that was attending my show. Talk about irony! Now here's the great part...Allison recognizes me immediately and her face LIGHTS UP! She has a smile from ear to ear and starts telling her mom “that's him, that's Danny Diamond, the magician from the party!”. They both walk up to me and her mom tells me how excited Allison was about my show the other day, and she asks for my business card! Wow, I felt so good at that moment. As they were walking away, I heard Allison saying to her mom, “if you saw his whole performance, you would be laughing the whole time! He's SO funny!”. That was SO nice to hear. It really made my day and it put me in an AWESOME mood which I'm sure shined through during the show that followed (Today's show went GREAT, if I do say so myself!). So now I know that not only is she not upset about the incident, she is actually one of my biggest fans!
You don't drown by falling in the water;
you drown by staying there. - Edwin Louis Cole |
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gibby New user ont. canada 41 Posts |
Just as I said. You overreacted. The last post above just proved it.
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