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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » Lost another loved one. Has not been a good year. (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Inner circle
Kalamazoo, Mi.
2537 Posts

Profile of Jaxon
I know this section is mainly used to let others know that one of us might need some encouragement to help get through hard times. I'm not sure if that's why I'm posting this here or not. I just feel the need to vent a little and I've made many friends here on the Café. So I hope it's okay for me to speak my mind here a little.

Just yesterday I found out yet another friend of mine has passed away. That makes the seventh loved one I've lost in the last year and the funeral homes are getting a little to familiar to me. Every time I step into one I'm not only thinking about the person who that funeral is for but also all the others I've lost in the past year. This makes me feel a little strange because a part of me feels like I shouldn't be thinking about all of them at that moment. I almost feel like I'm insulting the person who the funeral is for by mourning others at the same time. I know this isn't a mean thing for me to do but I really can't help it. I see the coffin and think about the others I so recently saw laying in one too. Including my sister in law, a cousin, my girlfriends father and the other friends who have passed away.

Between all that and the divorce I went through last year it's getting a little overwhelming. If you read my post about my divorce that someone else started here on the Café last year (titled "Our friend Jaxon") you'll read that I'm pretty much over the divorce and I really am. I'm actually glad that marriage is over but I'm still struggling to put together my new life. My current home doesn't feel like my home yet and I'm about to move into a new house. I'm not even very excited about getting the new house but to me it just feels like another place to sleep. I hope this will change once I get settled in.

Anyway, all these things are really effecting me. At times it seems hard to really want to do anything. I start to do something I want to do and I just start to loose interest. This is even happening in my magic. I'm still performing and still thinking up new tricks from time to time but I just don't feel as into it as I use to be. It kind of comes and goes.

Anyway, I'm going to the funeral tomorrow and I know I need to but I'm really regretting that I have to. Obviously I always regret having to go to a funeral because it means someone close to me is gone but now more then ever I feel to down about it. Because I know that I'm going to be mourning all those others I've lost this year when I get there.

Well, thanks for listening. Don't take your loved ones for granted because you never know when it'll be the last time you see them.

Ron Jaxon

After regaining my ability to hear after 20 years of deafness. I learned that there is magic all around you. The simplest sounds that amazed me you probably ignore. Look and listen around you right now. You'll find something you didn't notice before.
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New user
54 Posts

Profile of zippy
I will be praying for you during this difficult time. You are right we need to appriciate those around us as we never know when we are at lifes end. What is important is what we do with our lives before we die. Use this as insperation. Lean on GOD at this time. Use your magic to inspire others and I beleive you will be uplifted.
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Inner circle
1552 Posts

Profile of Chrystal
Hi Jaxon,

I'm sorry to hear about all the things you've had to go through this past year. Hugs from me.

your pal,
Lee Darrow
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Chicago, IL USA
3588 Posts

Profile of Lee Darrow
Ron, in my faith, we have some words that some times help, I hope you don't mind if I share them with you:

"and in the fullness of time, you shall return once again to that same place and that same time
and meet, and know and love each other, once again..."

And from Kipling: "He would not squander a leaf or a branch, do you think He would squander souls?" I always found that one particularly comforting for some reason as I really do believe that deity is a recycler and that we do meet again in a better place.

If you need to vent, PM me sometime, my friend. I'm usually pretty good for and at it.

You are in my thoughts.

Lee Darrow, C.H.
<BR>"Because NICE Matters!"
Jeff J.
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Special user
787 Posts

Profile of Jeff J.
Jaxson, It's not easy and doesn't really go away. I lost both parents within 1 year when I was a teen. I'm in my 40's and I still think about it. I wish I had more positive advice, but the best you can do is just remember the nice things about those who leave us.

I hope the best for you, because it is the living who feels the pain, not the ones who are gone. I believe the ones who are gone are in a better place. Hang in there and focus on the good times with them and try not to dwell too much on the passings. I know that's easier said than done, but after a few years it worked for me. Everyone is different, but I hope it works for you.

Take care,
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New user
82 Posts

Profile of Heinstein
If anyone knows the deaf magician named Ronald Jaxson? Please have Ron immediately contact Simon Carmel, Deaf Magician and Writer, via email: It is an urgent matter. Thank you.
Tom Fenton
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Inner circle
Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish)
1468 Posts

Profile of Tom Fenton
you have my sympathy, you and yours are in my prayers.

"But there isn't a door"
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