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magicleland
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So far it's been trying hydroplane my bike!
zig zag illusion - $3,000
theater rental - $500
geting advice from othe magicians on the cafe - priceless
JeffMac
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I've been a fire breather for years and always followed 2 rules make sure there is something to put yourself out with and don't do it drunk.
Well one night had a promo at the bar and there was a photographer the beer company hired to take pictures of the night. Early in the night I did some fire breathing for the customers after I was finished the photographer asked if I could do it again.
The place was starting to fill up fast and I thought it would be better to wait till the end of the night when I could give myself a decent saftey zone.
So as the night progresses the beer rep starts buy's me a beer, then customers start buying me beer. All of a sudden I'm drunk and the photographer comes to get me to do the fire breathing again. Stupid me agrees forgets to get something to smother the flames with. Drunklips spray fluid all over my face, my head turns into a fire ball, I dive face first into the concreat floor as it's the only thing I can think of to help put out the fire. My brilliant bartenteds throw Ice at me to put out the flames, Fianlly a customer jumps the bar and dumps his beer on my head.
Mind you the photographer did get a lovely shot of my fireball head flying towards the pavement.

Oh to top it off I was dating a girl that worked in emerge and I used to make my own torches for fire breathing with gauze. I borowed some of her earlier in the day to which she said "you better not show up in emerge with a burnt face" to which I replied "I've been doing this for years I'm not going to start being stupid about it tonight"
Patrick Differ
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I love this thread. I'm glad to see it has resurfaced!

Is there any way we can vote on the dumbest of the dumb? I vote for me.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
Corona Smith
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Patrick your third eye is leaking!

Have you tried tiger balm?

A most entertaining thread folks, boy, you are all dumb! Smile

Corona...
Michael Baker
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Yeah, thanks for digging this thread up again! I am enjoying the laughs.

More from the life and times of a guy lucky to be alive...

Another magician and I used to make a lot of our own pyro equipment. We had made some torches to use to light a head cremation, but wanted to make a stand that would hold the torches and light them automatically. We were in my basement den. That part worked fine testing it on one torch, but I then took the torch and to extinguish it, I got the bright idea to give it a hard shake. The flaming head shot off the chrome rod and went flying across the room like a fireball from Hell. It went straight behind a bookshelf full of all my magic books... hundreds of them.

After the obligatory, "OH, SH(oo)T!", the bookshelf was jerked away from the wall, dumping everything on the floor, as two newly enlightened idiots were stomping on a flaming wad of cotton batting.

Lessons learned from the roof:

1) Umbrellas make lousy parachutes.
2) So do blankets with strings tied to the corners.
3) Pine trees make lousy firepoles to slide down when you are wearing shorts.

Happy New Year!!
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Chessmann
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Worst trick I ever heard of.

A couple had their apartment broken into. Things were out of place, but there was nothing of note missing. Their 35mm camera was still there.

For the next few days the couple went about their daily routines, which naturally included brushing their teeth.

Then they got the film in the camera developed. To their horor, the people who broke into their house a few days before had taken photos of themselves - "using" their toothbrushes. But it wasn't their teeth they had been brushing.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
Cinnamon
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Dumbest thing I did? Cut class.

Cutting classes are fun in college, but in high school, it's like Survivor.

First of all you have to be in the right timing, preferably 11:45 am when the guards, teachers and scouts are taking their break. One can't get out of the school during class hours. Our class lasts from 6:15 am to 4 pm sooo... me and my good friends decided to just go home.

First off, after we acquired the right timing, we had to go, unnoticed, at the back of the stockroom, and climb the almost 20 meter water tank. Once we did, we have to balance our way on the wall, and jump 2 feet to land on the gasoline station's restroom's roof top. After that, we had to run off, so that the main gate guard won't see us. It's a great adventure, but it's also stupid because everytime we cut classes, our afternoon professor gives surprise quizzes that we miss. Hence, I got a C grade at Physics.

What I've learned:
1. It's hard to balance when you're wearing 3-inch heels.
2. It's hard to climb up, run, and jump and try being conservative whilst wearing skirts.
3. Falling down 6 meters is a pain in the bu**.
4. Cutting classes isn't worth it.
5. Looking down restroom rooftops could make you see... things...
daffydoug
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Oh man! You have Got to be kidding! That brings out some belly laughs!

OK. Here's a dumb one. (Back from when I was a kid.) Remember when the rage was a toy called Whammo "superball?" It was kind of like a rubber ball on steroids. it was made of vectron (as I recall) Which was likely a very hard rubber which was pressurized under thousands of pounds. Anyway, the result was a ball that would bounce literally hundreds of feet into the air. Of course with effective marketing, every kid in the world wanted one. Me too.

but my allowance wouldn't afford such luxuries. Not to worry. To the rescue comes my youthful ingenuity. See, it somehow occured to me that my dad's GOLFBALLS had a bounce that almost rivaled the Superball. Especially if you could peel the cover off and get to the inner core. Let's see now. peel the cover off. What could I use for that operation? I KNOW!!! My mom's sharpest scissors! So I'm sitting in the basement with the scissors and the golfball when I discover that the hide on that stupid golfball is a lot tougher than it looks. No problem. I'll just use a little more FORCE....YEEEEEOWWW! man, I crucified my self! And I mean right in the palm of my hand with all my might! So I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.

Did that stop me? Are you kidding? I bandaged up and finished the job.

So the next thing I know. I'm on the playground at school, and I'm going to try out my newly invented homemade Superball on the concrete. So I take the ball in my hand, I wind up, and I bring that sucker down with all the might my arms can muster. And I mean SLAM! Unfortunately, I neglected to make sure my face was not in the way of the return path. That's right. It came up like a Mac truck at full barrel precisely in my teeth! I look down at the ground and I am POURING down blood all over the playground. As I trudged to the nurses office I left a crimson trail down the hallway..accentuating my throbbing pain.

Rest of the story later, after you all share more of your's.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Freak Prodigy
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I Blew myself up once...




Okay, so one day I decided to make an explosive using old flash powder that had caked up. I know...Big mistake right?

For good measure I also used black powder, yes...another huge mistake.

I went to a clearing in the forest near my house to set this thing off at, and on my way in the trees I saw a huge beehive (like the kind you see in cartoons) and decided to blow it up.

Believe it or not I attached this contraption that I made to the hive WITHOUT getting stung...I succeeded in blowing it up.

I was about a 150 yards away when the thing exploded, and still a big chunk of the hive managed to land near me. So I walked over to it and saw that there were hundreds of bees still clinging to life on the hive.

I got the bright idea to pour blackpowder onto the chunk of hive and set it ablaze.

I didn't notice that the hive was smoking...

As I started pouring gun powder out of a ONE POUND KEG it caught fire.
In slow motion the fire traveled up the powder and into the keg.

~BOOM~

It exploded with so much force it threw me back 10 feet.

I escaped with my hearing, hairless/burnt legs, a burnt neck and arm, and second degree burns on my right ankle and hand.

I now have a gnarly scar on my ankle to show for my stupidity.

Never again, will I use homemade pyro.

I'm lucky to be alive.



Brett.
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http://www.bloudermilk.blogspot.com
_________________________________________
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daffydoug
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We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Freak Prodigy
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CORRECTION: CHANGE "SECOND DEGREE" BURNS TO THIRD DEGREE.


it was pretty bad.


Brett.
Blog:
http://www.bloudermilk.blogspot.com
_________________________________________
E-mail:
BrettELoudermilk@gmail.com
docmagik
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Mine have all involved either fireworks or electricity.

Man, I'm dumb sometimes.
Freak Prodigy
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I did once electrocute myself while standing on a 25ft. ladder in a theatre...but it wasn't because of MY stupidity.


Brett.
Blog:
http://www.bloudermilk.blogspot.com
_________________________________________
E-mail:
BrettELoudermilk@gmail.com
Cinnamon
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Electricity... I remember last time at a friend's house. I was 15, and yeah, dumb. We were playing volleyball and one of the lamps near the pool got knocked on the water. The ball went at the middle of the pool and I swam for it. Luckily, no live wire was sparking or something. If there was, I should've been dead by now?
Patrick Differ
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Is it too late to change my vote?
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
Cinnamon
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Why patrick, who do you plan to vote for? lol
Michael Baker
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Lots of near misses for the Darwin Awards here! LOL!!

Pyro stupidity was a hobby of my friends and me. What else is there to do growing up in a small town with one foot in a corn field?

In Illinois, fireworks were illegal, so I decided to make my own using caps from a cap gun. I carefully cut the paper away from each dot of powder, and began packing them into an emptied Pixie Stik straw. I was about half done when I pushed a bit too hard... and then I was well-done.

Living near the railroad yards, we would always find some interesting things laying along the tracks. One time we found some kind of small packets that had a chunk of something wrapped inside a stiff paper and the whole thing had a metal clip around it. Much later, we heard these were used for signalling devices... true or not, I don't know. Supposedly, the clip was used to bend around the railhead, holding the packet secure. When a train would run over it... BOOM!!

Again, true or not, I don't know. What I do know is that this stuff WAS highly explosive. Taking a small chunk the size of a pea, we tried to ignite it... nothing. Then we got the bright idea to hit it with a hammer... the same thing we would do with roll caps when we wanted a really big boom where fireworks were illegal. Hit an entire roll of percussion caps and they sound like a shotgun.

Well, this railroad stuff did the same thing... really loud!

Now as a bunch of stupid kids are prone to do, we talked one of our sacrificial friends into throwing a brick at an entire packet of this stuff. We all stood back to watch, knowing someone had to go tell the parents if he got killed. Anyway, our test monkey threw the brick at the chunk, and there was a deafening explosion that made several of the neighbors come flying out of their front doors.

When we got the poor sap up off the ground, he had a look on his face that told most of the story. He told the rest when he said that all he remembered was a big red flash, and a brick flying past his head!

~michael
~michael baker
The Magic Company
daffydoug
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Great stuff!! Wile Coyote would be proud! Thanks for sharing! Anybody else here got any cool stories on how to blow yourself up?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Michael Baker
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My partner that helped me set fire to my bookcase, had the momentary lapse in good sense when he sold a flash cannon to another magician who should never be trusted with fire (like we should, right?).

In a nutshell, a flash cannon is a basic flashpot with a screw on pipe nipple. Properly used with a length of pipe about 8" it will shoot a flashpaper ball about 25' up, or if using a 3"-4" length pipe, and the proper amount of flashpowder (note: proper amount), will make a VERY loud bang. The problem is, the longer pipe should NEVER be used with powders. It becomes, in essence, a pipe bomb.

Well needless to say, this guy and his even lesser trained friend decided to make boom in Daddy's driveway.

The story we got was that the electrical cord came flying back into the garage at about the speed of light, and the pipe and flashpot were never found.

Another guy that I know here in Birmingham was becoming famous for blowing stuff up. He had a similar incident at the fairgrounds when a copper pipe flash cannon decided to split, throwing the pipe over the heads of the audience.

Moral: Flash cannon bad. Copper pipe flash cannon, stupid bad.

However, in his best stunt to date, although it was really the fault of his tech guy, a flashpot over-loaded with sparkle additive launched a spark that flew into the hair of the tech guy as he was working the board. I have this one on video somewhere here. Funny thing is, he did not know he was on fire. Another assistant was standing on the opposite side of him, and you can see the two of them conversing as this happens. They were telling each other that they could smell something burning, but didn't know what it was. From the camera's angle, we can see that a flame about 6" high is growing out of his hair above his ear. A moment later, he's patting out his head.

When America's Funniest Videos was a hot new show, a local station jumped on the band wagon with Alabama's Funniest Videos. This video made the cut and they showed the sequence in slow motion, highlighting the burning spark from the time it left the flashpot until the burning hair finally was out.

~michael
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Patrick Differ
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That's it.
I'm changing my vote.
You "big boom" guys are my heros.

As kids:
We were playing with model airplane fuel in the garage. The whole darn can caught on fire. If it weren't for the quick thinking of my friend, we'd have torched the house. Thanks, Jeff, for putting out that fire.

As adults (?)
Bottle rocket and Roman candle fights. Eh? What did you say?

Riding a motorcycle that didn't have any brakes. On the streets and the freeways. Everywhere. In Vegas. How many times did we have to pull a "Fred Flintstone" to stop that darn bike? Don't even ask. Once, my buddy Russ completely blew out a brand new pair of tennis shoes doing that. His toes were sticking out the front of his shoes when that bike came to a halt. At a red light. Of a busy intersection. He was furious. Those were new shoes.

Pistols and rifles. Probably better not go there. That's stuff I'll never even told my parents. And I'm 43. Trust me on this one.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
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