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mrmystic
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Chicago
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A cop pulls a guy over for rolling through a stop sign.
The guy says "why did you pull me over?"
The cop says "you didn't come to a complete stop at that stop sign."
The guy says "what the difference."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts quickly beating the guy over the head with it, then says "Now, do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"

Then the cop left and went for a DONUT!
harris
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Harris Deutsch
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I remember a fair I did and got a police officer as a volunteer.

Having them walk a straight line and touch their nose as a warm up was fun.

She drew the line when I asked her to say the alphabet backwards.

Then I went into the David Ginn bit and actually did my zyx's.


Harris
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themagicofjoseph
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214 Posts

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A blonde was driving to town to do abit of shopping, not paying attention, she sped through town. Soon lights and sirens were going off and she was pulled over. The cop, as a matter of fact, happened also to be a blonde.
The officer asked for her drivers licence for ID. She searched a minute and realized she forgot her wallet. Turning to the officer, the blonde driver said, "I'm sorry I don't have my license, but I do have this", and handed the officer her makeup case. The blonde officer opened the case, looked into the mirror and said, "You didn't tell me that you were a police officer". With that the officer got back into her squad car and drove off.
Weatherbee
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Lakeland, Central FL
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The police here in Florida busted a coffee smuggling gang.....but they didn't have the GROUNDS to convict them.
Fast Eddie P.
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Maryland
322 Posts

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As a police officer myself I am offended at this whole topiccc. Sorry, got jelly on my fingers and sssome of the keeyss are sticky.
DougTait
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Sebring, FL
490 Posts

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A police officer stopped a car for doing 20 miles an hour over the limit. The driver said, "That's impossible officer, I had the cruise control set for 65."

The driver's wife, seated next to him, loudly says, "You know that's a lie, this car doesn't even have cruise control." The driver glares at his wife while the policeman begins writing the ticket saying, "Sir I am also going to have to cite you for not wearing a seatbelt, which is an automatic $75 dollar fine."

The driver protested, "But officer I was wearing my seatbelt when you pulled me over. I unfastened it to get my wallet out." Again the wife pipes up, "You have never worn a seatbelt in your life, how can you say such a thing!"

The driver turns to his wife and snaps, "You dumb %$@&!, will you keep your big mouth closed!"

The policeman asks the woman, "Maam, does you husband always talk to you this way?"
She replied, "Oh no - only when he is drunk."
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men [and women] to do nothing."
mrmystic
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Chicago
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Thought this fit in!

Click here to view attached image.
joseph
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Eternal Order
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A cop pulls over a lady who was violently swerving back and forth across a 4 lane road. When asked to explain why, she said, "Didn't you see all those pine trees in the road?" Cop says, "Lady, that's your air freshener." ....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
pdmedic
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A police officer attempts to stop a vehicle for a traffic infraction and the car takes off. Following a fairly long chase the vehicle is stopped and the officer makes contact with the driver and asks why he ran since the car was his and there were no outstanding warrants and the traffic infraction was very minor and probably would have ended with a warning. The driver tells the cop that about five years ago his wife ran off with a cop and he was afraid that he was bringing her back.

A Highway patrol officer stops a vehicle and approaches the car and asks the driver if he knows why he was pulled over. The driver responds "To sell me tickets to the policemans ball?" The highway patrol man states "I'm with the highway patrol we don't have balls." Stops relizes what he says and leaves without another word.
joseph
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Things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
pdmedic
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15. I'm sorry officer I didn't relize you had your lights on, I thought I was still at a party.

14. My Parole officer isn't going to like this.

13. I'm not supposed to stop and talk to strangers.
Police Magician
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Georgia
647 Posts

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A juggler was stopped on the highway for speeding. After talking with the officer and explaining he was late for a show, the officer asked for a demo. The juggler mentioned that all his equipment was already at the show. The officer got some flares out of the patrol car. While the juggler was doing his thing on the side of the road, another vehicle pulled alongside the patrol car. A man got out and got in the back seat of the patrol car. When the officer went to inquire of this mans actions, the man explained to the officer that he knew he was drunk, and there was no way he could pass that field sobriety test the other guy was doing.

This really happened. While training a rookie, we arrested a person for passing a check on a non existant account. At the jail, I asked her what charge we could put on her. The rookie looked at me and answered "a service charge".

Glenn
joseph
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I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop. No donut.

You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Police Magician
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Georgia
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Here is a link to the Police Humor site. http://www.policeguide.com/Research/Poli......tructure

These are some good items that the Donster and others will enjoy.

Glenn
pdmedic
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Another good site for police humor is http://www.10-7.com also http://www.lineofduty.com has a humor section.
joseph
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I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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"Does your father work?"

"Naw, he's a cop."

"Honest?"

"No, the regular kind."
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joseph
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Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what?
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion." ....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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