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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The Good News! » » The Bible According to Kids (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

S2000magician
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Mr. Ed
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A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Amen, Say it again brother.

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He who laughs, lasts.
wayman
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The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

:)
Peter Marucci
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"In the beginning, there was nothing.
"And God said, 'Let there be light.'
"And there was still nothing -- but now you could see it!"

Thus endeth the first lesson.

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BroDavid
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And many children will tell you to be very careful in your car.

They know this because there are two whole books in the Bible about auto safety.

They are Books of First and Second "Collisions"

BroDavid
If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.
Alan Jackson
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I have heard of one child who thought God's name was Harold. When asked why, he said it was in the Lord's Prayer:
"Our Father which art in heaven, Harold be thy name ..."
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary numbers, and those who don't.
RiffClown
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Not to mention Hark the Harold Angels sing.
Rob "Riff, the Magical Clown" Eubank aka RiffClown
<BR>http://www.riffclown.com
<BR>Magic is not the method, but the presentation.
dpe666
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Quote:
On 2002-11-04 18:54, Ed Groleau wrote:
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Amen, Say it again brother.

Smile Smile Smile


Is there some insane man out there who would WANT more than one wife?! Smile
Payne
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And let us not forget my favorite

Gladly the cross eyed bear
"America's Foremost Satirical Magician" -- Jeff McBride.
GlenD
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How about the ongoing feud concerning who is to make the coffee in the morning ??? The husband or the wife?
On and on the grumbling over who makes the coffee goes until one day the wife finally informs hubby...
She tells him that it says in the bible that the husband is to make the coffee! Where does it say that, he demands? She tells him, on several pages towards the end of the book at the top of the page, it says Hebrews !!!

GlenD
"A miracle is something that seems impossible but happens anyway" - Griffin

"Any future where you succeed, is one where you tell the truth." - Griffin (Griffin rocks!)
Al Kazam the Magic Man
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Glen,
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Al Kazam --> Magic guy in Perth Australia
phill
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It just so happens I got an e-mail from a friend the other day addressing this very subject. Some are repeats, but here goes:

The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected, i.e., incorrect spelling has been
left in.
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10.The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Scripture, Sculptures & Surprises!
Shadow
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Akron, OH
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Lets not forget the story of Sad Sack, My Shack and a billy goat.
DougTait
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The Five! books of the Gospel as recently explained to me.
Matthew
Mark
Luke
John and..... Max the Apostle
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men [and women] to do nothing."
sdgiu
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You know, the penalty for Bigamy is TWO MOTHER-IN-LAWS Smile Smile Smile
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