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glatner Loyal user 245 Posts |
Hey all, I used the search function but couldn't find a topic like this so, here it is.
Please feel free to post your favourite magician jokes: Heres mine What's the difference between a Pizza and magician? One can feed a family of four. |
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
Try the section called "Now, That's Funny." It's about comedy in magic.
This joke has been posted there at least four times. No search function needed. Just read the forum index. It's easy when you know where to look.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
What's the difference between a frog that's been run over on the road and a magician that's been run over on the road?
The frog was going to a gig. Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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geemack Loyal user Greg McNeil Peoria,Illinois 296 Posts |
Quote: There's skid marks in front of the frog.
On 2005-10-16 18:03, Greg Arce wrote... |
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Eric Buss Regular user 183 Posts |
What's the difference between a magician and an IRA?.... the IRA eventually matures and makes money.
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Lyndel Inner circle wrote the theme to the TV show COPS! 1623 Posts |
How do you get a magician off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza! Lyndel |
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mike gallo Inner circle 1341 Posts |
What's the difference between a magician and a prostitute? A prostitute sucks on purpose !
Mike |
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Weatherbee New user Lakeland, Central FL 21 Posts |
Did you hear about the magician that married an Amish woman?
He drove her buggy. |
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Bill Ligon Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts |
Two magicians meet on the street. One says to the other, "Who was that woman I sawed with you last night?"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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nucinud Inner circle New York, New York 1298 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-10-17 23:58, Bill Ligon wrote: That was no woman, that was my box jumper.
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.
Now U C It Now U Don't Harry Mandel www.mandelmagic.com |
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Tony S Special user New York 582 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-10-16 19:34, geemack wrote: I heard that joke with a lawyer and a skunk. |
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Bill Ligon Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts |
Two mentalists meet on the street. One says to the other, "You're fine. How am I?"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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muzicman Special user LaCenter, Wa 989 Posts |
I almost had a girlfriend who was psychic, but she dumped me before we met!
______________________________________________________________________________ A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?" |
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muzicman Special user LaCenter, Wa 989 Posts |
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None! Everyone knows the assistant does the work ! ____________________________________________________________ A magician went to the vet and told him that his rabbit did not look well. The vet said that he would examine it, so the magician produced the rabbit from his empty top hat, and placed it onto the table. The vet examined the rabbit and then said "Your rabbit is dead !" The magician was shocked and replied "It can't be, it was running about the hutch this morning. I want a second opinion !" The vet went to the door and whistled to his dog. A large labrador ran into the room and the vet told him to jump up onto the table. The dog did as commanded, saw the rabbit lying there, took one sniff at it and promptly jumped back down to the floor and lay down. The vet said "There you are, if the rabbit was alive, the dog would be chasing it all round the room, it is dead !" The magician still refused to believe the vet and demanded a third opinion, so the vet then went to a back room and returned carrying a ginger tabby cat in his arms. He placed the cat on the table beside the rabbit. The cat took one look at the rabbit and immediately curled up and went to sleep ! The vet said "That confirms it, Had your rabbit been alive, my cat would have fought with it and ripped it apart with his sharp claws. It is definitely dead !" The magician answered "OK, I believe you now, how much do I owe you ?" The vet replied "$325" The shocked magician asked why it was so expensive and the vet replied, "Well, had you taken my first opinion, it would only have cost you $25, but now you also will have to pay for the lab report and the cat scan !" |
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magicalaurie Inner circle Ontario, Canada 2962 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-10-18 16:03, Bill Ligon wrote: Nice, Bill. And muzicman, I LOVE the parrot one. It's my favorite. I'm never gonna get to post it. Someone always beats me to it. And lab report! Cat scan! |
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Bill Ligon Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts |
I love the catscan joke, although I have heard it before. I couldn't remember the Labrador. Now I have the joke again!
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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glatner Loyal user 245 Posts |
What do you call "magic" creative writing?
A magician sitting in the audience with a note pad. |
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Glenn Godsey Special user 737 Posts |
In a W.C. Fields voice: "Ah Yes, the first time that I realized that I was a magician, I was walking down the street and suddenly I turned into a bar!"
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magicalaurie Inner circle Ontario, Canada 2962 Posts |
Good one, Glenn. Geez, I gotta find some magic jokes.
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Three guys, who recently died, are waiting at the front of Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is waiting at the entrance and has a large book he is writing on.
Saint Peter, to the guys, "We have a new rule up here... I need to know your profession on earth and what you made on your best year while doing it." The first guy says, "I was a lawyer and on my best year I made a little over four hundred thousand." Saint Peter writes in those stats and lets the man enter. The second man says, "I was a heart surgeon and invented a new valve that was used by other surgeons. Together with my practice and the sales of the valve I made an average of eight hundred thousand, but one year I made a little over a million." Saint Peter writes that in then turns to the third man, "And you?" The third man, "Well, I'm a real go getter. Everyone I meet gets my card. I let everyone know that I'm ready for business. On my best year.... hmm... let's see, that would be about eight thousand dollars." Saint Peter looks up from the book and says, "And what kind of magic did you do?" Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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