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Mr.Wizard New user 69 Posts |
This is a little something from my old and dear friend, Sammy Smith. I will post another, then speak to something from my heart....
Abraham Lincoln offered this advice to a young Army captain: “Quarrel not at all. No man determined to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention. Better to give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.” Some people, of course, don't want to get along with you. But even then, it's still a good idea to overlook as much as possible and apologize when appropriate. I once received a letter from a man who lived in a neighboring town. He said he was selling some magic equipment and would I like to come look at it. There was no listing in the phone book, so I wrote him back and set an appointment. An elderly man met me at the door. He showed me the things he wanted to sell, I made him an offer, and he accepted. Later, as we sat around talking about show business, I remarked that I wished I had met him years before since we lived so close to each other and had a lot in common. “We have met before,” he exclaimed, “and you wouldn't give me the time of day!” He went on to explain that when I was a teenager giving a magic show at the local community center, he had come backstage to meet me, but I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't remember the encounter at all, but I could imagine what happened. I, a nervous 15-year-old was backstage preparing for one of the biggest performances of my life, and someone I didn't know came back to chat. Now, all these years later, I was sitting in his living room, and he was still hurt. I explained why I had probably been preoccupied, and I apologized for offending him. After I left his house, I wondered if he had really accepted my apology. He never said so. A few months later, I received a letter from his wife saying that her husband had died. He had sold his entire collection of books, she said, except for one large volume. Would I come over to the house and pick it up? “He wanted to be sure I gave you this book after he died,” she said. As I unwrapped the book, the message he never spoke in life was finally articulated in death: “Apology accepted.” I appreciated the gift, but I had the poignant realization that he deprived himself of the joy of reconciliation by having someone else make the gesture after he was gone. Most of us probably prefer Lincoln's plan to “quarrel not at all,” but if we are harboring a disagreement which was planted in the dead of winter, let's look around. Spring is here. It's a time for new beginnings. |
Mr.Wizard New user 69 Posts |
Another, from my dear friend....
Sharpening the Knife That Cuts Some Slack Some witty person has remarked, “The only exercise most folks get is from jumping to conclusions.” I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I do know that many of us are too quick to judge other people’s motives. And we find other people doing the same thing to us—jumping to conclusions before they have any idea of what’s actually going on inside our own thick skulls! More and more, I’d like to start following the old plan of giving people the benefit of the doubt. If someone does something or fails to do something, there may well be a reason we can’t see. Quite often, we can’t read the “secret code” of a person’s behavior or we simply don’t understand what he has said. Jumping to a negative conclusion is bad for our health and it’s certain to damage the relationship. In almost every case, it’s better to assume the positive than to assume the negative. One of the most poignant stories I’ve heard along these lines came from Max Lucado. A father and his children were riding on the subway, and the children were misbehaving very badly. The father just sat there and made no effort to discipline them. Finally, another passenger spoke up with a demanding voice. “Can’t you do something with your children?” “I suppose I should,” the father replied, as if in a daze. “But we just came from the hospital—their mother died a little while ago.” We all need a little grace from time to time, and some of us need lots of grace a lot of the time. Why shouldn’t I start extending that gift to others? Instead of jumping to conclusions so often, surely I’d be much better off to take a leap of faith and give others the benefit of the doubt. |
Mr.Wizard New user 69 Posts |
Now, a story...
Years ago, I was sitting with a bunch of the "finger flingers". Their leader was holding court, and all were in awe. At the end he said, holding up the deck of cards: "This, is all a true card man needs to entertain. It is all I use, and all I need." The group was impressed, and his ego was stroked. But... I knew a different truth. That very morning, a local agent called me and asked if I did anything besides card tricks in my magic act. I said of course, and asked why? Seems he had been sending a different magician to his gigs, and people were NOT impressed by this guy who just did card tricks. Want to guess who the guy was? ALL of us, every single one, is a flawed, failed, mortal person. IF we plan on seeking grace, it would help if we showed it to others. No, I didn't "out" the speaker, even though I knew I just got his gigs. I will show grace, and hope to find it too. There are some reading this who know what I am speaking about, and what I am refering to. As such, why not do something positive, rather than live in the negitive? After all, I have many more stories I could tell..... it does cut both ways. Can we please, just let the childish games go, and move forward as "magi" "the wise ones". There has to be more important things to do with our time, than to keep attacking Mr. Baker, or worse, his wife. There, but for the Grace of God...... |
Shazam New user 28 Posts |
Bravo
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drwilson Inner circle Bar Harbor, ME 2191 Posts |
Thanks, Mark. To these thoughts I would add that it is always good to read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book that if taken to heart will really affect your outlook on life for the better.
I quarrelled with an escape artist many years ago when we were both in a magic club. He didn't attend meetings, but he let everyone know that he didn't like what I was doing in magic (I wasn't doing escapes). It got way out of hand, and it was over nothing. Now here I am doing escapes. I probably could have learned something from him. If nothing else, I learned not to pick fights with escape artists! Yours, Paul |
Mr.Wizard New user 69 Posts |
Let me add to it.
A friend of my for over 20 years, just tured 50. Big party Saturday. he was dancing with his daughter... ...and fell over dead from a heart attack. Now, let that sink in and ask yourself, if the things bothing you are all that important? |
Shazam New user 28 Posts |
Kangaroos come to mind!
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Shazam New user 28 Posts |
Ways To Stop Bickering:
Apologize for getting upset about things that aren't very important. Promise not to take friendship for granted. Promise to respect each other's opinions in the future. Try to back off and let the other guy win an argument or have his way once in awhile. Keys to Avoiding This Fight Respect. Respect is a key ingredient in any friendship. How can you like someone if you don't respect him? By bickering and arguing over simple differences of opinion, people aren't showing very much respect for each other, and if their friendship is going to last, they have to stop acting like this. One part of respecting someone is realizing that his opinions and viewpoints are just as important as your own. Tolerance. You need to learn to tolerate the little things that make them individuals and, instead of fighting about them, understand that these things can strengthen friendships. After all, if two people were exactly the same and agreed on everything, their friendship would be totally boring! Flexibility. Some people have trouble admitting that they might be wrong. If they were more flexible and willing to see things from the other guy's point-of-view, they wouldn't bicker so much. Friends should let each other have their way once in awhile. Stubbornness and inflexibility lead to too much conflict, and conflict hurts friendships. Forget The Past. Holding ones past against them only proves you are immature and without merit! If the situation does not directly involve you, then what concern is it to you? So stop bickering and enjoy the present! Life is to short to worry about what someone may or may not have done! OK, time for a dance |
Bigelow New user closer to the end than I would like to be 25 Posts |
Oddly there hasn't been any bickering here for ages. What is going on that I don't know about?
Quote:
On 2005-11-15 19:08, Shazam wrote: Hey Shazam how are you involved? and who are you? Isn't it also childish to give you name in ya profile? Why do you think this thread is important? David. PS A friend of mine was brutually attacked, should they forget the past? |
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