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Joshua Lozoff
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Inner circle
Chapel Hill, NC
1332 Posts

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Any good jokes about magicians or about magic out there?

I really like the cruise ship joke with the parrot, but would love some others.
Joshua Lozoff

joshualozoff.com
Eric Leclerc
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Inner circle
Ottawa Ontario
1185 Posts

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For the right audience... I always do this one...

I get the girl to face the audience, I stand behind her and say "Shellie do you feel my finger on your back???"

"yes"

"look, no hands!!!!!!!"

and you raise your hands in the air and wave them...gets good laughs...again, picking the audience is key (as I am sure you deducted that on your own) hehe enjoy
Eric Leclerc
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Ottawa Ontario
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Ok maybe that wasnt you were looking for...how about these...........

Q: How do you get a semi-professional magician off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Hear about the drunk magician?
A: He was walking down the street and turned into a bar!

Q: What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: A fellow with a rabbit in a hat pin on his lapel and a fellow with a magic wand under his arm are waiting for a cab. Which one is the magician?
A: The cab driver.

When I was a child my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said "A Magician". She said, "You can't do both".

I told my mother "You know, I've half a mind to become a professional magician".
She said "That should do".





This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the magician neighbor's performing rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.

He thinks the magician is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the magician's house, hoping he will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the magician is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Presto my magic rabbit died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?".

The magician replies, "I just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after I buried him I went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"




My favorite one:

How do you get a magician to show you 100 card tricks?



ask him to do one
Elliott Hodges
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England
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"what does your daddy do for a job"? Asks the old lady to the little boy.
"He's a magician" replies the boy.
"And have you got any brothers or sisters?"
"I had a brother once but he climbed in dad's wardrobe one day and we haven't seen him since- And I have also got a half sister!"

What did the magician have on his grave?
I came, I sawed, I conjured!!

Elliott
Joshua Lozoff
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Chapel Hill, NC
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I love the dead rabbit joke. Thanks. Keep 'em coming.
Joshua Lozoff

joshualozoff.com
The Village Idiots
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Orlando
464 Posts

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You can change a lot of musician jokes to magician jokes.

What does a Magician and a Mutual Fund have in common? Neither mature nor make a lot of money.

I know a great joke about a Bass player but it can't be changed to a magician so there are a few exceptions.

Will
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
Joshua Lozoff
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Inner circle
Chapel Hill, NC
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Great jokes, guys. I'm not actually interested in the ones that put down magicians or make it seem like we can't earn a living. I make a great income from magic, and want everyone to know it.

Of course I love those musician jokes, so I guess I'm just defensive about my own art.

Anyway, great ideas.
Joshua Lozoff

joshualozoff.com
The Village Idiots
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Orlando
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There is a joke about a magician that is like the "aristocrats" joke but it is only good when told in person. It is very long and detailed and can change with the story teller. The punch line is "Tah Dah."
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
Flec
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Birmingham, UK
585 Posts

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They knew I was going to be a magician when I grew up, because when I was born, I came out of the woman in the next bed to my mother...!

My old man was a great magician, he could walk down a road, turn into a pub...

This trick was taught to me by a chinese magician called "On Tu Long"

again, here all week guys..

(thanks to goo for those!)
nucinud
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New York, New York
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What do you call a magician without a girl friend?

Homeless.
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.



Now U C It Now U Don't

Harry Mandel

www.mandelmagic.com
Jaxon
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Kalamazoo, Mi.
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Q: How many magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - Two to turn it and one to point at it.

Ron Jaxon
Image


After regaining my ability to hear after 20 years of deafness. I learned that there is magic all around you. The simplest sounds that amazed me you probably ignore. Look and listen around you right now. You'll find something you didn't notice before.
nucinud
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New York, New York
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Quote:
On 2006-01-31 18:19, Jaxon wrote:
Q: How many magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - Two to turn it and one to point at it.

Ron Jaxon


Actually, 50 magicians, one to turn the bulb and 49 to claim to have a better handling.
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.



Now U C It Now U Don't

Harry Mandel

www.mandelmagic.com
Eric Leclerc
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Ottawa Ontario
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Lol.....nice one
joseph
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Eternal Order
Please ignore my
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Speaking of Chinese magicians, I watched one on tv last night....An hour later, I wanted to watch him again.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Sonny Vegas
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Chicago, Illinois - USA
199 Posts

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Oh...these are all funny...thanks for makin my day guys.
Believe in yourself and the magic will come.

www.SonnyVegas.com
www.TheVegasBrothers.com
joseph
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Eternal Order
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This next trick is so amazing, it made:
Linda Tripp
Stevie Wonder
Al Hirt
Betty White
Tom Cruise
Maxwell Smart
Judith Light
Norman Fell
Pete Best
Ben Blue
Al Green
Martin Short ....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
scaress
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salt lake city
337 Posts

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Mr. Idiot, can I call you Village?
can you tell the 'tah dah' joke, or does it involve BM's and incest?
The Village Idiots
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Orlando
464 Posts

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I can tell it but it doesn't have the same impact in type and is stylized by each teller. In a nut shell...

There were two famous magicians in competition and the were always trying to one up each other. One would make a horse disappear so the next night the other would vanish an elephant. This had been going on through out their 30 year careers.

One night one of them ( I think I used to give them names) was running short of ideas for his big finale. Then, the night before his big show, an idea came to him in a dream.

After performing his usual tricks like, producing thirty girls from a single milk crate, vanishing the entire orchestra, he then walked down to the front of the stage. The only lighting was from a blue spot light.

He announced, "ladies and gentlman, I am now going to perform a feat that has never been done by a soul since the creation of man. I will be the first and most likely only person to ever attempt such a feat. I guarantee you will never see another man have the ability to do what I am about to do for you now"

At that moment a lovely assistant walked onstage, wearing a red tasseled dress and carrying a 10 pound sledge hammer. She reared back and slammed him square in the fore head.

3 years later, laying in a hospital bed the magician, for the first time, wakes from his coma and says "TAH DAH!"

Like I said this joke is for magicians. You would never tell it on stage. If you have never heard of the "Aristocrats" joke you should run down to the local video store and check out Penn's new documentary about it. scaress obviously knows it. I can't remember who first told me the "Aristocrats" nor the Tah Dah but they are similar in ways. Tah Dah is far less flithy.

Stupid, yeah, on type it is. But it is in the telling. Weaving a good story. All jokes don't have to be set up and punch. This one is more about the set up than the punch. If told right you could strech it out for a good ten minutes while having coffee at one in the morning at Denny's. That is when it is funniest.
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
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