The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Response to someone walking across stage (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page [Previous]  1~2
honus
View Profile
Veteran user
354 Posts

Profile of honus
There's always the Madeline Kahn bit from Blazing Saddles (an old joke when Mel Brooks swiped it):

"Hey, cowboy, you in show business?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then get your feet off the @#$#ing stage!!!"
thoughtsexplorer
View Profile
Elite user
Elite... not D-Lite!
424 Posts

Profile of thoughtsexplorer
"If you dare to go to the toilet now, we will all gossip about you!"
Pete Biro
View Profile
1933 - 2018
18558 Posts

Profile of Pete Biro
Years ago this was funny.

"What's this, the Burma Road?"

Today?

"Hey, your Mapquest is wrong."
STAY TOONED... @ www.pete-biro.com
The Mac
View Profile
Inner circle
1962 Posts

Profile of The Mac
To a female that walks thru your stage: Look, my mail order bride has arrived...You’re a lot prettier than the catalog picture.

Keep a lasso rope and when someone walks across the stage try to rope them in. Try: "The buffet is over there"
Sealegs
View Profile
Inner circle
The UK, Portsmouth
2571 Posts

Profile of Sealegs
I was going to do an impression of a rude nut but obviously I've just been beaten to it.

Of course you can change the tone of this if need be...by making it more stern if required.

Neal
Neal Austin

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." G.B. Shaw
Mac_Stone
View Profile
Inner circle
Miami, FL
1079 Posts

Profile of Mac_Stone
Great line Peter!
AaronTheMagician
View Profile
Loyal user
291 Posts

Profile of AaronTheMagician
Sonny had a good point about kids’ shows.

Where I work on a regular basis, I do lots of kids’ shows. The kids usually stay put, but if they're really excited by the time I bring out Rocky Raccoon, it's hard to keep them in their seats. Kids laugh harder than anyone, and the adults get a kick out of it too, if you pretend to lose control, but obviously don't.
Let me explain:

The kids get in your space, everyone wants to handle the prop (rocky) and you need to be able to get some space so everyone can see. Start off small and quiet, and quickly build, changing your tone and pitch randomly each time, getting louder: Stop, back up, are you hungry?
Hey look...road kill!
Excuse me (in a lisping accent).
Hey Shanequa, little dudes (hippie accent).
AHHHHH (scream that one in a girly, angry voice and breathe heavily and stare at the kids, who will be laughing uncontrollably by this point). You'll have their attention, but they won't be sitting down yet. Say, "everyone sit down, or I'll kill him."

Give a look like Don Knotts with pursed lips, and point an imaginary gun at Rocky's head. "Sit, sit, sit!" and everyone will go back to their seats, but still be enjoying it all.

If there's one thing I've learned there, it's that kids don't want to be treated like kids. If you're (playfully) rough with them and acting like they're your best friends that you owe money to, you can't go wrong. Example: What do ten-year-old boys like? Kind words and tricks with bunnies? No. They only care about fighting, action, sports, and boogers. Cater yourself with that in mind, and life is easy.
The Donster
View Profile
Inner circle
4817 Posts

Profile of The Donster
How about saying Ladies and Gentlemen we thank you for that Commercial interuption.
itshim
View Profile
Elite user
Milton Keynes
417 Posts

Profile of itshim
Aaron - If you generalise like that then you are going to have some upset children and some irate parents. Boys in particular can appear to be aggresive when they are actually very shy and don't want any aggression back at them. I've seen 10 year old boys in tears because a magician has been too aggressive in their speech.

As for someone walking across your stage.

"I see my volunteer for the knife throwing routine has appeared!"

If departing: "Come back, you're going to miss the best bit"

If arriving: "I'm sorry you missed the start where the audience saw me swallow and regurgitate this <pointing to generic large prop>"

Nigel
I knew a man who kept saying "pliers, pincers, scissors". He was speaking in tongs.

www.itshim.co.uk
BAH1313
View Profile
Elite user
Ohio
445 Posts

Profile of BAH1313
I just nod and say:

"Groupies, hey you gotta love em"

Or "How the hell did you get out?! That's it I'm investing in new rope!"

Or "Walking through? Hey, At least it's not crowded"
I am truly blessed to have a job where people are laughing all the time and everyone believes in magic....Come to think of it, I'm blessed to even have a job.
SteveTheMagician
View Profile
New user
98 Posts

Profile of SteveTheMagician
For a woman walking alone

"have you been good?"

she says "yes"

"that's why you're alone!"

-gazzo


-steve
Keith Brown
View Profile
New user
North Carolina
91 Posts

Profile of Keith Brown
As a Christian entertainer I too have experienced this, especially during dinner performances. I am very careful how I handle this. In my venue it is perhaps better to just ignore or wait without saying anything. It reminds me of a church I used to pastor many years ago. It never failed that everytime I stood to preach, one of my elderly members would stand and slowly walk down the outside isle to the restroom. Needless to say all the attention was on her. I guess what I am saying is...sometimes it just better to suck it up and let it go. I think a recent national comedian proved that.
~Dr. Keith Brown
<BR>"The Master of Mystery"
<BR>www.KeithBrownMagic.com
<BR>
www.TheInvisibleMagicShop.com
Tomer
View Profile
Regular user
Israel
113 Posts

Profile of Tomer
I like to follow the guy, I get really close to him and very quietly.. when he turns around I go: "BOO"
Always gets a huge laugh from the audiance. I also do this when I have like 3-4 volenteers up on stage, and when they go back to their sit I just go with them, and follow the last one, doing the same thing.

Tomer
Bill Ligon
View Profile
Inner circle
A sure sign of a misspent youth:
6437 Posts

Profile of Bill Ligon
Quote:
On 2007-01-09 19:48, Keith Brown wrote:
As a Christian entertainer I too have experienced this, especially during dinner performances. I am very careful how I handle this. In my venue it is perhaps better to just ignore or wait without saying anything. It reminds me of a church I used to pastor many years ago. It never failed that everytime I stood to preach, one of my elderly members would stand and slowly walk down the outside isle to the restroom. Needless to say all the attention was on her. I guess what I am saying is...sometimes it just better to suck it up and let it go. I think a recent national comedian proved that.


That reminds me of the two old ladies in church. The preacher preached against alcohol, and the ladies shook their heads "yes" and quietly said "Hallelulia!" When the preacher began preaching against cussing, they nodded and said "Hallelulia!" When he preached against smoking, they nodded and said "Praise the Lord!" When he began preaching against dipping snuff, the two old ladies looked at each other and said, "Now he's stopped preachin' and started meddlin'!"

Bill
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
trombley
View Profile
New user
72 Posts

Profile of trombley
Show me your backstage pass, (when the guy looks confused) you should have one, it looks just like a $20.

I heard that or something like that somewhere but can't place it!

Say, finally you're here we can start the show. Bring him to the front of the stage, dust him off, give him the mic or a prop and say good luck. Then just leave the stage.

Doesn't anybody knock anymore?

Who let you out of the car?
sniper1
View Profile
Veteran user
malta eu
343 Posts

Profile of sniper1
Ok let me add my 2 cents to the picture as well. I have given a lot of taught to this. And what I came up with are these 2. The first is an interpretation of an idea, which was given in an issue of Steve Beam’s Trapdoor.


Here is how I use it, {by the way I have to warn you, I present full frontal comedy, so be sure you are performing for the right audience before trying this out}.

If a man gets up and starts to walk past, or walks past, I stop him on his tracks, produce a urine flask from my case and say something like, “no need to miss the show mate, here you can take this and do it where you stand I'm sure nobody is going to take notice, {always gets a laugh}.

And if they just remain staring for those couple of seconds, I say " Ooh, you need to make a poo-poo as well, don't worry I’ve got that covered as well. {Yep - I take out a bedpan out of my case as well}. If its a woman I do it a bit differently, and take out the bedpan and a roll of toilet paper, and then say " and if there are any men who do need to go I have that covered as well" and produce the urine flask.

Now for my second idea, as well, I'm not going to take full credit for this for the idea came out while watching if my memory serves me right police story 5, where the policeman who makes the funny noises with his mouth play a small prank on a passer by, by making squeaking noises in the same tempo of his walking.

So the smallest of creative leaps, and yes I’ve done it and its great, a guy starts walking by and you with your handy squeaker ready start to squeak in tempo with his walking stride, if he stops you stop, if he takes a small slow cautious step you make a long stretched squeak, I'm sure you get the picture, its hilarious if you get it right.

Plus if you are really interested, buy the book between the one-liners by Gazzo.
THE MOST CRAZY MAGICIAN ON THE MALTESE ISLANDS
God-glorified
View Profile
Special user
697 Posts

Profile of God-glorified
THE BEST situation I have ever seen was done by Robin Williams, when a lady leaves to go to the bathroom.

It all starts when he asks where she is going. When she answers he quickly responds and says "Ok we'll just wait" and stands there.

There is a whole improv bit he does the entire time he’s gone, but if you're interested I urge you to type Robin Williams into http://www.youtube.com and find this clip (he’s wearing a Hawaiian(sp?) shirt.

Also Jeff Dunham the ventriloquist (more sp?) in his special "Arguing With Myself" does a similar show postponing off a guy named Mike. Both are VERY FUNNY and will help give insight to how pros react to this.
Ephes. 2:8-9



For by GRACE are ye saved through faith; and that NOT OF YOURSELVES: it is the gift of God: NOT OF WORKS, lest any man should boast.
styck13
View Profile
Regular user
165 Posts

Profile of styck13
The Jeff Dunham bit is the best. If you watch the out takes on the DVD he explains that Mike ended up being one of his buddies. I'm not sure if it was set up or not, but he sold it like a champ. It was obviously a prepared bit but SUPER FUNNY. The line about the price of this "break" is too funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWGjKs1qgc8 the bit starts at 5:10 and doesn't have the full bit. He really "rips" Mike when he gets back. "Welcome Back Dumb@$$... Could you hear us? ...We could Hear You.... You didn't wash your hands. (that's one of my favorite bits on that DVD)

Something Else I've Seen - I was watching a show in a theme park once and someone got up and left. The Band that was playing fell apart. (every stopped playing at a different time and slowed down until it was quiet) and the lead singer/performer said something like "Hey where are you going, the show's not over yet". When they kept walking, he said "Oh I know, when you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO (all the while doing the pee pee dance). The audience laughed and when that died down he yelled to the person leaving, "MENTION MY NAME AND YOU'LL GET A GOOD SEAT"!
Dan Paulus
View Profile
Veteran user
Utah is isolated from the real world by
343 Posts

Profile of Dan Paulus
I've used the "Mention my name you'll get a good seat" before, plays great.
If they were in the front row and are getting up to leave, try autioning off their seat.
Often, I'll just stop and stare to give the audience a chance to laugh, then shout out,
"It Gets Better!"
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. - Aristotle
Aristotle

www.danscomedymagic.com
Dannydoyle
View Profile
Eternal Order
20185 Posts

Profile of Dannydoyle
Yes Jeff had that scripted. He sells those things fantastically though. It is what makes him him.
Danny Doyle
<BR>Semper Occultus
<BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Response to someone walking across stage (0 Likes)
 Go to page [Previous]  1~2
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2020 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.31 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL