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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Quotes, Real people saying real things, how refreshing. (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

kOnO
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545 Posts

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Interesting QUOTES

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like:
being spanked every day by an attractive middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for, later in life."

Elmo Phillips

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"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

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"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Woody Allen

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"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

Rodney Dangerfield

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"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

Lynn Lavner


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"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Camille Paglia

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"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

George Burns

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"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

Sharon Stone

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"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

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"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

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"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."

Robin Williams

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"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal


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"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro

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"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they that it causes severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."

Jerry Seinfeld

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"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a ***, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

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"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers

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"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde



kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
pkg
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Inner circle
The City of Ithobaal I son of Hiram I
1356 Posts

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LOL thanks!!

here are some "stupid" quotes.

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." –President Bush, on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

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The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.

- Bob Dole

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and
human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

- Albert Einstein

----------------

China is a big country with a lot of chinese
people living there.

- Charles De Gaulle

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this one cracks me up.... "If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields

------------------
"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump....DUH!!! lol


---------
another DUH!
"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle
Double posters should be shot!

No really!!
Joey Evans
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Fort Myers, FL
534 Posts

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Don't forget when Shaquille O'neal returned from visiting greece he was asked if he went to the Parthenon when he was there.
He said, "We went to a lot of clubs, I can't remember all their names."
The Visual Comedy and Magic of Joey Evans

http://www.Evansmagic.com/



The Impossible Has Never Been So Funny!
joseph
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Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17029 Posts

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Carter introduced Hubert Humphry as Hubert Horatio Hornblower.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
honus
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Quote:
On 2006-06-11 14:59, joseph wrote:
Carter introduced Hubert Humphry as Hubert Horatio Hornblower.....

Thank God somebody else remembers that! I've been starting to think I imagined it! It was at the Democratic National Convention in Minneapolis, IIRC.
Ray Ouellette
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Ottawa, Canada
112 Posts

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No list would be complete without including some from the incomparable Yogi Berra:

1) No one goes to Coney Island any more, its too crowded
2) Its Deja Vu all over again
3) I really didn't say everything I said
4) A nickel aint worth a dime anymore
5) Predictions are difficult, especially about the future
6) Always go to other people's funerals otherwise they won't go to yours.
"Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice"
kOnO
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545 Posts

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Quote:
On 2006-06-22 19:46, Ray Ouellette wrote:
No list would be complete without including some from the incomparable Yogi Berra:
...


His Friend BOO BOO had some good ones too!
Like
Hey my friend Yogi is smarter than the average bear...

kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Quotes, Real people saying real things, how refreshing. (0 Likes)
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