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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Bear!!! (and bad grammar) (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

sepaternoster
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Hey, ever seen a bear close-up? Not at a zoo or a circus. A real, wild, bear--up close.

Big. Bigger than me. Huge, actually. Powerful. Dumb. Almost comical in the way it moves. Long claws. Deadly. Terrifying.

This morning my wife and I were watching a movie, "The World's Fastest Indian", on DVD. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. I turned just in time to see it's back leg moving out of sight through the full glass of the back door. I said, "That's a BEAR!!!!!"

She said, "Where?", scutinizing the screen.

I paused the movie. I said, "OUT THERE!"

The thing went around the side of our house (I was already up, trying to get a better view); then it turned and came lumbering back. It toddled across the back lawn, went over to the bird feeder, stood up and sniffed the birdfeeder.

My wife got the camera and went to the back door to get a picture. I had already dialed 911. I told her not to be stupid, saying "[FORGET] getting a picture!. Those things kill people and eat them. DO NOT GO OUT THERE!"

The 911 person on the other end was telling me the same thing and asking for my address and name. My wife pointed out that all the birds were screaming. The 911 person said they'd send someone over. I hung up the phone.

The bear, slowly climbed up the rocks and went up into the woods.

Crazy. Just insane. I keep expecting to wake up and tell my wife all about this scary dream I had, but she saw it too. Unreal (assuming this post exists).

Intense adrenaline rush. Really scary to see something higher on the food chain, so close, with it's casual, almost arrogant, attitude, obvious weight, shaggy, unkempt coat, goofy face, and, did I mention, huge claws.

A few minutes later, a knock at the door. The cops? NO. Some guys handing out Bible literature and looking for a Sunday morning chat. They left quickly when I explained the situation.

In-****ing-sane! Sitting here now, knowing that beast was right outside my window, THIS VERY WINDOW, wondering...

Would a 12 guage shotgun, loaded with slugs, have been enough? How many rounds? Now, I'm seriously thinking about buying a new (powerful) weapon. Funny, I heard about a bear being sighted in this area last week--didn't think much of it, mentioned it to my wife. It's very different when you actually see the thing.

I want to be able to go out and do yard-work without worrying about being mauled by a bear. I want my wife to be able to water the flowers. Although, I'm a basically non-violent person, I half feel like I should have killed the thing when I had the chance.

Somehow, calling the police seemed like the thing to do. WHAT was I THINKING? Did I think they'd come 'round immediately with a drugged dart gun or a net, like in the movies, and take the beast up in the mountains?

Anyway, if you hear the birds screaming--I mean SCREAMING--that's what it sounds like, look around. It's no house-cat. Something dangerous is in the area.

"Evil is afoot, and I'm all out of that nancy-boy hair gel I like sooo much..."
(Thanks Gwyd).
Seth E. Paternoster
rossmacrae
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You acted wisely, of course.

Now, about being aware of your proximity to something so dangerous: The next time you're on a bus, or the subway, or in a convenience store, or just walking down a busy sidewalk - how do you know you're NOT?

Have a good night's sleep.
balducci
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Sepaternoster, where are you located? In a big city, a town, out in the hinterlands somewhere?

A friend of mine lives in a nice condo / townhouse complex in Canmore, Alberta. Last year a bear was lounging around his neighbourhood, and spent most of a day lazing in the front yeard of the townhouse across the road from his. The forest rangers / police were watching the bear, and I guess they relocated it.

A week or two later it came back to the same area, and killed a woman:

http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/......606.html
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,158764,00.html

Be careful out there.
Make America Great Again! - Trump in 2020 ... "We're a capitalistic society. I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. They're not going to bail me out. I've been on welfare and food stamps. Did anyone help me? No." - Craig T. Nelson, actor.
Professor Piper
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If you want to try something, I have a suggestion...

I am NOT saying this is 100% guaranteed, but it just might work.

Lay Moth Balls around the perimeter of your yard/property...I KNOW this works for venomous snakes, and it just MIGHT work for the Bear problem...The smell of the Mothballs deters them and makes them wanna go somewhere else.

As far as other things you can do?

Get rid of the bird feeder...If he's sniffing it, he's interested in it.
Make DANG sure all of your garbage is Bear proof...This might include a heavy guage-steel outer container that your pals go in...

Do NOT attempt to shoot the bear...there are too many dangers involved (stray shots going into a neighbors house springs to mind)...

Instead, get yourself some LOUD firecrackers (the BlackCat Little Dynamites are VERY loud)...

Keep the Crackers handy...If Yogi comes back, light a firecracker, toss it into the yard and watch him RUN far away...

This way the Bear lives and you sleep better.

Prof. Piper
"Nemo has been found! He was on an Admiral's Platter at Red Lobster!"
Trinket
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Quote:
On 2006-06-12 00:34, Professor Piper wrote:

Get rid of the bird feeder...If he's sniffing it, he's interested in it.
Make DANG sure all of your garbage is Bear proof...This might include a heavy guage-steel outer container that your pals go in...

Do NOT attempt to shoot the bear...there are too many dangers involved (stray shots going into a neighbors house springs to mind)...

Instead, get yourself some LOUD firecrackers (the BlackCat Little Dynamites are VERY loud)...

Keep the Crackers handy...If Yogi comes back, light a firecracker, toss it into the yard and watch him RUN far away...

This way the Bear lives and you sleep better.

Prof. Piper


Agreed. A fed bear is a dangerous bear. They lose their fear of humans fast when given fast food goodies. I think the fire cracker idea is marvelous. I have stood down a bear in my campsite and what helped me was noise. LOTS of noise. The idea of shooting a bear is a bad one, unless you know how to kill with one shot. An injured bear is even more dangerous than a feeding bear as it has nothing to lose. I remember reading "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson and he had some interesting statistics about bear attacks in that (also some wtf stories about darwin award winning human behavior concerning bears). It is a very humerous read though and I highly reccommend it. Good luck!
gsidhe
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Bears...
Personally I love 'em! I worked at a zoo in my younger years and had the honor of being able to play with a couple of 6 month old black bears. Great critters...Each one coming in at about 190 lbs. They loved to run about, wrestle, use my arms as chew toys, and believe me, if they weren't done playing...You didn't get to leave.
Just one of them could toss me to the ground with no effort whatsoever.
Even when they are playing, they are dangerous.
I wouldn't go near a full grown one!
Might I reccommend instead of shooting one (Which is dang hard to do successfully...Usually it just ticks them off...) use other forms of deterrant?
Set but Unbaited rat traps set along the areas where they were seen might help. If a bear ran into a couple of those, I am pretty sure it would learn to hate the area. The firecracker idea is good, but I question the effectiveness of moth balls. A bears nose is EXTREMELY sensative, but if it doesn't hurt, they are bound to ignore it. Pepper spray was originally designed to protect from bears, and here is a site that sells bear strength pepper spray, as well as has bear safety tips...
http://www.udap.com/safety.htm
This stuff is strong enough that you don't even need a direct hit to deter the bear (And it is non leathal to bears and humans!)
Another thing you might try is one of these http://www.biconet.com/critter/sprinkler.html
I know it works on a lot of critters, so it might work on a bear as well...Passive defense so that the bear might be scared away when it gets on your property when you aren't looking.
Just som initial thoughts...If I come up with anything else, I'll let you know!
Gwyd
(And you are welcome on the tag!!)
Vandy Grift
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I like bears. I've seen them in the wild several times. Black bears only. Never saw a Grizz in the wild. Black Bears don't scare me much, but you have to be careful around them. Bear pepper spray (make sure to spray downwind if you don't want a facefull of the stuff) and firecrackers are good to keep around. High powered firearms as well. But I wouldn't kill one unless absolutely necessary. With a black bear I usually just wrassle them down and toss em around with a few judo throws and then they run away scared.
"Get a life dude." -some guy in a magic forum
rossmacrae
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Feature broadcast today on ABC morning TV - it seems to be happening all over. Bears are getting fatter, having more offspring, and therefore spreading out their territory - shots of bears in people's swimming pools, bears in a tree at a high school, bears climbing over the fence into someone's back yard.

All of the advice here is (same as we learned in Scouts) defensive - seems that problems arise when you get into "how to keep them away" (Shoot them? Relocate them? What?) - the western states have faced similar dilemmas as the habitats of protected cougars (or something similar - sorry, memory fails me) start spreading into human-inhabited areas.
sepaternoster
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Thanks all.

Rossmacrae, True, everything is dangerous, and there is only so much we can do to protect ourselves.

Balducci, I live in a village (10 trafic lights) on the Hudson River, in up-state New York. We're on a busy street, 2 blocks from the post office. However, I will say there are plenty of woods and open space throughout the town, and our property is adjacent to a wooded, town park. The links about the woman were scary (my wife likes to walk to the post office). Yeah, bears run fast, climb trees, and swim, but they can't fly. Oh, crap! I can't fly either. Smile

Professor Piper, Great ideas. I especially like the firecracker idea. Also, we do have copperheads in park, although I've never seen one. So, I may try the moth-ball idea as well.

Trinket, Wow! In a campsite!?! At least we were able to hide in the house. I'll give that book a try--later; right at the moment, I'm terrified enough. Smile

Gwyd, Thanks again, and the pepper spray sounds like it could come in handy. Rat traps are cheap; can't hurt.

Vandy Grift, Uh, yeah, if I had only known, I would've spent my time studying martial arts instead of practicing magic. Smile

Seth
Seth E. Paternoster
Michael Baker
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~michael baker
The Magic Company
Patrick Differ
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I love bears big and small, the wilder the better.

I took my kids to Yellowstone a couple of years ago and warned them about the bears. I explained how the food-chain works and Darwin's Theory of Evolution Through Natural Selection to them and they understood completely. The young, the old, and the weak, they're the first to get eaten. Not the strong grown-ups!

Every scratch on the window of the cabin, every crack of a twig in the grass, every malodorous scent in the air, and they scampered like hares back to the van. They may have even set records for the 100 m dash for their age groups, I don't know. I was laughing too hard to set my stopwatch.

My wife, however, didn't think it was as funny as I did.

We saw three bears inside of a week in Yellowstone. Two browns and a grizzly. All hungry, all on the move. Talk about cool!
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
Dave V
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Here are some precautionary tips from the Blackwood Associates:

"Primary precaution is to carry a .44 cal. sidearm.
If uncomfortable with the thought of using a gun, then we advise the outdoors person to wear little noisy bells on their clothing so as to give
advanced warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise. We also advise anyone not armed to carry "Pepper Spray" with him or her in case of an encounter with a bear.

Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear poop and brown bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Brown bear poop has little bells in it, and smells like
pepper."
No trees were killed in the making of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
leapinglizards
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Just curious... If you live upstate NY, why did the bear surprise you? I grew up upstate NY in the catsklills, and we had Bear, wolved, racoons, and all manor of critter. Kinda just comes with the territory.

We weren't really SCARED of the bears or the wolves, but we respected them and knew what to do and not do to stay alive.

Of course, a bear at the back door is indeed scary- it reminds you that you live near nature I would say.

Our town had, if I recall, one stop light.
Leaping Lizards!!! Who knew it was possible.
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<BR>www.LeapingLizardsMagic.com
NJJ
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"It's like a freakin' country bear jamberoo around here." - Homer Simpson

Book 'em Lou! One count of being a bear. And one count of being an accessory to being a bear." - Wiggum

"We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears!"
Michael Baker
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Well, Dave... I guess you didn't read the page at the link I left. Smile
~michael baker
The Magic Company
airship
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I have a friend who likes to hike out in the Colorado Rockies. He carries a .50 caliber Desert Eagle semi-auto handgun on his hip just for bears. He says he doesn't expect it to necessarily keep him from getting killed, but it improves his odds.

I handle the problem by staying away from places where bears live. My philosophy about any and all wildlife (including bugs) is if I come into their habitat, I'm fair game. And if they come into mine, vice-versa.
'The central secret of conjuring is a manipulation of interest.' - Henry Hay
gsidhe
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All I can think about is the moron who considered himself a bear expert, and then got himself and his girlfriend eaten by a bear. He was trying to live with them the same way that Goodall lived with apes. There was a movie on discovery about it, and the whole thing was like watching a parody film. "No way could anyone be that dumb."
He was.
He got eaten.
He deserved it.
Bears ain't apes.
Gwyd
Professor Piper
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Quote:
On 2006-06-13 02:23, Dave VanVranken wrote:
Here are some precautionary tips from the Blackwood Associates:

"Primary precaution is to carry a .44 cal. sidearm.
If uncomfortable with the thought of using a gun, then we advise the outdoors person to wear little noisy bells on their clothing so as to give
advanced warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise. We also advise anyone not armed to carry "Pepper Spray" with him or her in case of an encounter with a bear.

Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear poop and brown bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Brown bear poop has little bells in it, and smells like
pepper."


Thanks pal...I just about p1ssed myself I laughed so hard!

Prof. Piper
"Nemo has been found! He was on an Admiral's Platter at Red Lobster!"
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