Howdy all! I just spent far too long rolling on the floor in laughter at a previous post of these jokes. Now I can't get enough. So I've made a list of things that are on my mind to see if I'm the only one who does these crazy things.

This time, only original material - no reprinting of other's lists. And I'd love to hear some female magicians' takes on the art (take some good jabs at us guys if you like).

So without further achoo...

YOU MIGHT BE A MAGICIAN IF...

- If you see a marquee advertising a “Hot Rod show” and you think a niche magic convention is in town
- If you won’t buy jeans that don’t have that little 5th pocket in them.
- If you throw on a pair of pants to take the trash out in the middle of the night, and you put a deck of cards in the pocket, “because you never know...”
- If you are jealous that you’re not scary-looking enough to be a street magician
- If you look behind the Easter bunny at the mall to see if it’s colored red or yellow on the other side (or get kicked out of the mall for insisting that someone “turn him around!...no the other way!”)
- If you truly believe that holding your hand like that looks ‘natural’
- If you can’t wait to replace your old deck of cards with a new deck of cards that’s printed to look even older
- If someone mentions getting short-changed, and you instinctively start fingering your jumbo quarter
- If every time you open your napkin at a restaurant, your dinner guests stare, waiting for the trick
- ...If you then put the napkin on your lap and can’t keep yourself from making a joke about a ‘levitation’
- If you think that women look sexy in sequins
- If the local formalwear shop calls you when they get vests in ‘weird’ prints
- If you still haven’t gotten that tattoo, because you can’t decide which one card you’ll want to force for the rest of your life.
- ...but you wonder if you can talk your assistant into getting the tattoo
- If you date a woman because her hair makes a fine IT in a pinch
- If you’ve ever built an entire stage illusion as an excuse to get a girl into ‘that little costume’
- If you don’t even hear the appearing cane go “zzZZzzZZZOOOPP!” anymore
- ...and you think the audience doesn’t either
- If you bring a stage prop to the pet store and ask, “What’s the cutest thing that can fit in this?”
- If you’ve ever gotten a silk stuck in a printer
- If you have ever, ever used “woofle-dust”. Ever.
- If you go to a formal party and feel underdressed in your tuxedo, because it’s your ‘work clothes’
- If you have ever shopped at more than 3 stores to find the ‘classiest duct tape’ to repair a trick

Thanks for indulging me folks, can't wait to hear your additions!

- Erick

LMAO

You might be a magician if...

-You go through a pack a day (wear the card patch, chew the card gum) but you just can't kick the habbit.
-You find yourself explaining, more than 5 times a week, "No, it wasn't Criss Angel in the ice, it was David Blaine."
-You've ever walked to the back of a very large supermarket, and waited in the checkout line for 5 minutes, just to buy one very small bananna.
-You spend more time at "Hobby Lobby" than any artist in town.
-You like to sit at the head of the table in every restaurant. Not because its a status symbol, just because the other diners can't see your lap.
-Every time you visit your local bar, somebody puts a buck in the jukebox to play Heart's "Magic Man". And you know every word.
-Your tattoo is the Playboy Bunny logo... peeking out of a top hat.
-You've accidentally stolen a zippo at the cigar shop with your Raven.
-You bought tickets in advance to "The Illusionist" and "The Prestige".
-You tip the pizza guy with a quick coin trick on top of that red delivery bag, because Jeff McBride said it was a good idea.
-You are the pizza guy.

If you wake up the day of the "Big Show", shave/shower and proudly grab your case, wand and top hat, then immediately head out the door only to find by the reflection in the car window as you unlock the door that you aren't wearing any clothes,,,,,

:eek: YOU MIGHT BE A MAGICIAN!!!!


:stuckinbag: ~SAM

- If before routining a kids' show, you browse the Magic Kits in the toy store, just to see what professional tricks the kids already own in miniature
- If instead of passing out halloween candy, you made it 'magically appear' for all the kids. (P.S. They just wanted the candy)
- If, while you are reading this, you have a prediction card planted anywhere within 10 feet of you.

You might be a magician if you get blamed everytime something goes missing...
You might be a magician if none of your friends will play cards with you....
You might be a magician if you think fast and loose is a great con and not a woman...

- If after every dinner you feel compelled to snatch the tablecloth from beneath the silverware.

- If you can name more magicians than just Houdini, David Copperfield, Criss Angel, and David Blaine.

- If you have a great climax in mind for your date... and you're not thinking about sex.

- If you own a Thumbtip... and you're not thinking about sex.

- If there's a picture of you with a line through it at the casino.

- If you don't play poker, pinnochle, or bridge, but yet you own 30 decks of cards.

- If your friends go jogging, but you spend your time 'injogging.'

- If you habitually steal, cheat, bluff, peek, sneak, and lie, but everyone likes you.

- If Harry Lorayne says so.

- If you're always willing to give lost motorists 'misdirections.'

- If you live on a 'cull-de-sac.'

- If the UPS guy has ever said to you, "Delivery from Penguin."

- If you like to practice stuff intensely for hours, weeks, months, or years only to get to use it for a split second and then hope nobody sees the thing you practiced anyway.

Ron

Ron,

If your UPS guy has a delivery from Penguin, I am not sure you qualify as a magician.

If you're reading this thread and laughing because its true.

Bar10dr,

Good point! LOL - thanks!

Ron

-If everytime you pull out a deck of cards people gather around you waiting to see something.

-You've ever taken your change off of the Cashier using the Raven.(It works with most Euros)

-You'll pay 7 dollars for a deck of cards just to see how well they handle.

-The idea of paying 30 dollars for something to protect your cards is a reasonable price.

-The idea of telling a random stranger to pick a card seems completely normal.

When you can make your Ex-Wife DISAPPEAR . . .(with just ONE phone call), LOL !!!

The clothes lines in your yard are red, white, and blue....

-if you deck of cards has more suits than you do

-if you deck of cards has more suits than you do

-you hear "hey can you make ... dissapear" 100 times a day

-if you'd pay $25 for a quarter

-if you hear "head chopper" and don't get alarmed

-if you watch those "Vegas: cheaters exposed!" shows to "learn"

-if you carry around a coin trick JUST to show the cashier at the store when you get your change

-if you think its ok for men to not only own but regularly use a "coin purse"

-you collect coins but you're not a coin collector

-you think nothing sexual when you ask a woman to hold you wand... and then it goes limb... over... and over... and over

-you watch magic specials in slo-mo

-if you friends know how david blane does it (because they've seen you mess up your folding coin trick)

-you seem to be ok with the trick being called "zombie" even though there's nothing zombie-like about it

-you get annoyed when you see someone shuffling cards worse than you

-you have an account with the Magic Café Forum

-Steve! (i couldn't think of anymore!)

.....i almost forgot

-if you "flashed" someone and nobody got offended

Second best one I've seen yet. The first being the playboy bunny tatoo one.
Great job guys...
~Jonathan

If: culling doesn't invole killing animals...if ur hero's are people most have never heard of..if you sit in ur room n play cards with urself all day..if you have a black widow up ur sleeve n you are not afraid..if you hate a kid named alex

If the words: "squeeze the balls tightly in your right hand", "put my balls in my pocket", or "climax" don't make you blush, then you might be a magician.

~Jonathan

If The Matrix isn't just the name of a movie. If exposure doesn't involve someone getting naked. penetration,hole sensation,magic wand,multiplying bunnies r not porn titles.If you tear cards delibrately