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Chad Sanborn
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my fingers hurt from typing,
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Profile of Chad Sanborn
I heard an audience member (kid) say "He must've had gas" when a balloon doggy popped. I died laughing.

Also, I say this joke about the first trick I ever learned. My uncle Joe used to say pull my finger, Not a good trick. It gets a laugh. The other day a kid says, "yeah, my mommy does that!" Smile hee, hee.

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Profile of magiker
I once did a magical clown show in front of 150 Swedish kids. Now my clown doesn't speak, and at that time when I started performing, my clown pretended to fall asleep standing up; then sink slowly to the floor. The compare said to the kids: How can we wake him up, to which one bright spark shouts out "KICK HIM IN THE B***S".

I had a hard time trying not to laugh

Believe in the possibility of the impossible
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Profile of Fredrick
One of the advantages about funny lines from your audience members is that you can add them to your script. I have some lines in a few of my effects that I owe to some funny people who have helped me over the years.
"Try to find the humanity in the magic and maybe you'll come up with something of your own. It's the humanity that gets you there, not techniques." Michael Moschen on Creativity
Geoff Williams
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St. Pete Beach, FL
617 Posts

Profile of Geoff Williams
Yes, I'll never forget a very funny line some kid gave me many years ago.

I was doing the classic Cubio (multi-colored cube slides down a string on command) when I asked, "Do you know where he's from?" and some kid yelled out, "Cuba?"

I'm STILL laughing over that one!
"Saját légpárnás tele van angolnák."

(Hungarian for "My hovercraft is full of eels")
Steven the Amusing
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San Francisco Bay Area
117 Posts

Profile of Steven the Amusing
I "magically" printed a blank business card in to a real card for my neighbor. He looked at my hand and said, "Oh, a PalmJet, eh?" Now that's in my routine.
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Profile of Maynooth
I once asked a helper if they were doing anything exciting today.
The reply was, "Yes, we're going to see my grandmother, she's dead!"
The adults in the back of the room fell apart.
The race is long and in the end it is only with one's self.
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Profile of DarryltheWizard
I once did a show for 5 and 6 year olds and I asked a youngster what were the magic words. He replied, "Mom says always put the lid down when done peeing!" Needless to say even the kids thought this was hilarious, for it was so spontaneous. I'm not sure if my placing the lid on the dove pan had something to do with this line or not.
Darryl the Wizard Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile
"Life without mystery is like a candle
with a snuffed out flame." Albert Einstein
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Columbus, OH
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Profile of Andini
I have a few funny things audience members have said. The first didn't happen at my show but another.

Somone was performing "Blooming Bouquet" and he said (when the flowers hadn't appeared yet), "I'm going to make this pretty!" The flowers bloomed and a kid yelled out, "They still ain't pretty!" I thought that was pretty funny.

The other happened with a volunteer. I asked her, "Are you married? Do you have kids?" No. No. "Do you have a boyfriend?" Yes. I said, "You Do!?" She said, "Yeah but he dumped me." I couldn't help but laugh. Smile
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Profile of mr.t.ricks
Hi everyone!

This happened to me a few years ago and it still makes me smile. Smile

I was in the middle of my clown show, when a boy of about 4 stood up and started to have a pee Smile

With this the other kids moved, it was like the parting of the red sea. Smile

I asked if the young mans mam was there?
With this a lady came running up with the redest face I have ever seen Smile

She asked, why didn't you go to the toilet? His reply, I did not want to miss the show Smile at this point the room was in fits Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

mr.t.ricks Smile Smile
regards to all

Mr. Ed
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Profile of Mr. Ed
Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smilegreat one Mr T Ricks
He who laughs, lasts.
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Profile of MagicalChris
sorry, no funny line as of now, but let me say that the "I did not want to miss the show" kid must have just felt good!
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Taunton Somerset U.K.
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Profile of professorpopcorn
I asked the children, as I always do, for a magic word. A 4 year old boy put his hand up and said 'please'!!!! AHHHHHHH

When you're smilin'
When you're smilin'
The Whole World Smiles With You !!!
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Profile of magicgeorge
I used to do a magic show on a ferry and after it was finished would make modeling balloons for them all and hand out goody bags provided by the ferry.
I was asked by a kid how much the balloons were. "they are free" I said. Then I was asked how much the goody bags were. "They free too," I said " in fact everything is free"
At which point a small girl tapped me on the knee and said " I'm not, I'm four!"

On another occasion I was leaving a venue after I had changed out of my clowny type magic costume and was spotted by a small boy who looked at me looked at my size 12 shoes and asked why I had changed out of my costume but left my clown feet on!
Steve Hart
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Profile of Steve Hart
I perform a comedy routine that I invented. I borrow a kids shoe and end up burning it up in my "Whiz Kote" machine (sold through Chalet Magic).

Once I was working a family show for a law firm and I borrowed the shoe from a little girl. After the burning up of her shoe, she said, "My dad is going to sue you!"

The crowed went nuts. Of course I was smart enough to magically restore the shoe.
I have so much fun with this routine.

Lance Burton, bought the performance rights from me and did his version on his second TV special.

I could tell you story after story about the responses I get from this routine. If you as an entertainer create the right opportunity, you will get some crazy responses.

Steve Hart
Cape Canaveral, FL
"Motivational Magicians are some of the highest paid magicians, find out why?"
Brandon Harper
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Austin, Texas
207 Posts

Profile of Brandon Harper
I remember in one of my very first shows, I asked a lady to assist me on stage for my Levitation. As I was helping her up onto the board, her 5 year old son yelled out, "Be careful she's top heavy!" I'm not quite sure where he heard that, but his dad's face was very red.
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Harris Deutsch
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Profile of harris
I share a quote "Imagination is better than
knowledge" by Albert Einstein.

Nigel (the puppet that rocks and talks)
said, You know he's one of the brothers that has all those bagel shops. Einstein Bagels are in lots of locations in the Greater Kansas City Area.

It was an "ad lib" line that now is a standard.

While the Afleck Goose was on the commercials for the Insurance company, Thomas my Turtle puppet did a take off of the old "Duck" joke.

He first ducked down, then when I scolded him
for doing an old joke, he shouted AFLECK.

I then told him, that was a goose not a duck.
He then did the old getting goose joke.

What is old can be new again.

Harris Smile
Harris Deutsch aka dr laugh
music, magic and marvelous toys
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Milford Haven. Pembrokeshire wales U.K.
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Profile of p.b.jones
I was performing for a group of school children who were on holidays, staying at a local hotel. This particular hotel, likes me to put the head teacher in the guillotine (the guillotine is not normally in my childrens show, but the hotel request it).

Anyway, I was perfoming it and at one point I say "now this will cut anything, but it won't cut human flesh" a child then shouts
"but she is not human!"

Another time I was Playing "Baron Hardup" in a rock pantomime "Cinderella And Her Rocking Fella" at one point in the script, Buttons says "but who can we find to perform, We don't now anyone who can sing, dance, Juggle or do magic tricks" to which a child shouts
"Yes, phillip can, he's a magician".

Several other children then joined in
"luckily Buttons and I had the wit to make an "Oh no He Can't" gag out of it. The wonders Of Panto and Thinking on your feet!
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Profile of Kardenni
Some kids are so into the magic they can say weird things like " Oh, you just did that with magic!" Smile
One time during the linking rings a kid said "Thats easy your just linking them together!" Smile
Magnus Maccormack
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Calgary, Canada
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Profile of Magnus Maccormack
Once while vanishing a silk and producing it in my mouth (you all know the tired, old routine) some wise guy asked if I could pull it out of my ***.

After a few tense "digestive" moments he was suitably impressed when it emerged from my pants.

Needless to say, when I handed it out for examination, there were no takers. Go figure.
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Profile of youngdanf
I was doing some tricks for the cub scouts and their families and asked a kid to come up and help me. I was just asking him a couple questions to help him feel comfortable and in passing asked if he could hear me from where he was sitting (I had a point for doing that but I can't remember why now) and he looked at me like I was crazy, grabbed and pulled his ears for everyone to get a good view and said "Are you kidding, with ears like these I can hear everything!"
He wasn't kidding either, they must have been about 3-4 times the size any other kid his size.
He was one of my best, and funniest, volunteers ever.
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