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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The little darlings » » Jokes (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

JSMagic
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Hi-Im trying to get some good jokes for kids...I have been thinking of some and need some help, big show on Sunday-Anything would be appreciated! Thanx-Josh
If a magician is not intending to "trick" a spectator, why is every "trick" called a magic "trick"?
Vilago
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Got any David Ginn books? Very good scenarios and gags...
flourish dude
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from ? But I know where I am going!
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mark wade has a great tape and or book on writting comedy for kids. You should look into it (after Sunday of course)
Nothing of the same will bring any change, take action today!
Just taking a step, is a step in the right direction because when you stop working, your dream dies.
www.magicalmemories.us
johnpert
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consider some kids joke books at local book stores.

they often have indexes so you can find jokes related to specific routines. or string a series of jokes together for short joke routine as an ice breaker or short break between magic.

hope this helps,

j.
Carron
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I know its a little late now but heres one
when giving a balloon model away
be careful son, this animal's twisted
Zorak
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Maryland, USA
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When I was a kid my mother knew I would grow up to be a Magician. Everytime she would tell me to clean my room, I would disappear.

To do this trick you need three eyes. What you don't have three eyes? I betcha do.
(pointing) There is one eye, two eyes, (point to his brain), and the most important eye, ...the I-magination!
These are just a couple I made up and use in my show from time to time. Hope you like them. Smile
Magic is in the hearts of children from 1 to 101
Please check out my Website: kiddiekazam.com
FREE ORIGINAL CLIPART FOR MAGICIANS & CLOWNS
PROP DESIGNS
MAGIC CARTOONS all drawn by Zorak
Magic Patrick
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I like using this joke as I do a no tear restore newspaper. I say here is a headline from the science section, "They day that the have proven that diarreah is heredititary. . . Because it runs in your jeans!" Almost 8 years late but better late than never.

Patrick
tgs
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Quote:
On 2011-01-01 19:33, BYUDAD wrote:
I like using this joke as I do a no tear restore newspaper. I say here is a headline from the science section, "They day that the have proven that diarreah is heredititary. . . Because it runs in your jeans!" Almost 8 years late but better late than never.

Patrick


You say this during kids' shows?
TonyB2009
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Love the diarrhoea joke. I might borrow it.
Starrpower
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Repeat bookings are overrated, anyway.
Magic Patrick
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Quote:
On 2011-01-02 23:51, tgs wrote:
Quote:
On 2011-01-01 19:33, BYUDAD wrote:
I like using this joke as I do a no tear restore newspaper. I say here is a headline from the science section, "They day that the have proven that diarreah is heredititary. . . Because it runs in your jeans!" Almost 8 years late but better late than never.

Patrick

You say this during kids' shows?

All the time. They laugh always. The parents do as well.

Patrick

Quote:
On 2011-01-03 17:45, Starrpower wrote:
Repeat bookings are overrated, anyway.

I am sorry that you don't get repeat bookings. I do. I can see why you would think they are overrated. LOL!

Patrick

Quote:
On 2011-01-03 16:00, TonyB2009 wrote:
Love the diarrhoea joke. I might borrow it.

Go for it. I did from the Mark Mason. LOL!
REV BILL
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David Ginn has some good books. Kid Biz and Laughter Legacy. Also Laflin's Laugh Lines
Specializing in Family Entertainment,Gospel,Comedy and Educational programs for over 30 years.(Order of Merlin)
Simon Mandal
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Before I got into magic I was a professional standup comedian for 6 years.

I really recommend writing your own jokes.

They will fit more with your personality than "stock" jokes, etc.

Writing jokes for magic is MUCH easier than other forms of joke writing, because the comedy is dictated by the situation.

I write down EVERYTHING I ever say that gets a laugh.
It goes in a file which I read once a day.
I change the wording around until the joke is "perfect"
if after working on something it only works for certain kinds of audiences, or stops working for me.
I will take it out of my file.

good luck!
keeblem
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Quote:
On 2011-03-06 16:15, Simon Mandal wrote:
I write down EVERYTHING I ever say that gets a laugh.
It goes in a file which I read once a day.


I also write everything down and put it in a file - except that I never look at it again! One day I will compile it all and sell it as my lifes work!

Mark
John Breeds
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Here are a few funny quips you could use. I included these and dozens more in a book wot I rote!

1) Stand there, just over the trapdoor.
2) Keep one eye on the red hanky, one eye on the blue hanky and the other on the white one.
3) I ran so fast to get here that my legs got out of breath.
4) What did you say before you were speaking?
5) Hands up all those who've got their arms folded.
6) It must be magic. It certainly isn't skill!
7) To girl with long hair. “Oh what lovely hair you have. I wish I had hair like yours.”
8) To boy with spiky hair. “Who cut your hair; the Council?” ...or, “The Flymo?” If he replies, “My Dad,” performer replies, “Oh, what a beautiful haircut.”
9) “Is everybody here? Hands up all those who are not here.”
10) “Hands up all those who went shark fishing this morning. Hands up all those who parachuted into school the other day. Hands up all those who can walk across the ceiling. Hands up all those who have a dog that can do sums.” You will find the little darlings always put their hands up at these ridiculous questions.
11) “It's your birthday today. And what did you buy me for your birthday?”
12) Performer, “And what is your name?” Boy replies, “John,” (or same name as you). “John? That's my name. That means you must be my father!”
13) “Haven’t you got pretty shoes? I used to have shoes like that when I was Cinderella!”
14) “I used to use a magic word I learned in Church… Bingo!”
15) As you choose an assistant… “What about that boy with the two ears?” Or… “What about that girl with the hair?”
16) As you reposition helper… “Would you stand a little closer to the floor, please?”
17) I once asked a boy what he would like to be when he grew up. He replied, “A burglar!”
18) “This next trick is so complicated that even I don't know how it's done!”
19) “And what is your name?” Girl answers, and you reply, “Oh, that is a nice name. Did you choose that yourself?” Mostly the child will say, “Yes.” Adults laugh out loudly and think how cute the girl is.
20) To a little girl wearing a pretty party dress. “Don't you look beautiful? I used to have a dress like that when I was a little girl.”
21) To a pretty girl. “Is that your own face, or did you buy it from a pretty girl shop especially for the party?”
22) Drape silk over your wristwatch. “Watch. Watch. Watch.” Remove silk to reveal wristwatch as you say the final, “It’s a watch!”
23) During balloon modelling when there is a long queue and you don't wish to get involved with a complicated sculpture… “Say any number between one and a thousand.” Child replies with a high number, for example, 531. Appear to be thinking… “Yes. That's a dog.” Proceed to make a balloon dog. Alternatively, “Yes. That's a sword.”
24) Performer; “And what's your name?” Girl replies, say, 'Tracey.' Performer, “Tracey? That's my granddad's name.” Similarly, performer comes back to a boy with, “That's my Granny's name.”
25) If your helper is wearing a name badge or you overhear someone calling out their name, your first question could be, “Hello Freddie. And what's your name?”
26) Similarly, they reply, “Freddie.” Performer retorts, “Freddie? Oh that's a great name. And how long have you been called Freddie?”
27) Performer asks, “How old are you?” Child provides their age. Performer asks, “And how old do you want to be when you grow up?”
28) “Would you just shuffle the cards please… but whatever you do, don't mix them up.”
29) To child who creeps forward. “Would you move back a bit please… about four miles.”
30) Alternatively, “Would you move back a bit please? I need a bit more elbow room for my feet.”

John
magicgeorge
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Well, it's probably too late for the OP. What with his show being 8 years ago and all (unless anyone's got a flux capacitor on them)
but some good advice here.

I agreed with Simon's post so much that I went and befriended him on facebook.

I think the best jokes do tend to be your own. John's list of classics is worth looking at though. They are the kind of silly remarks that children laugh at and once you get a feel for them writing your own is a lot of fun.

Talking of writing your jokes down I've experienced a weird thing recently, I came up with a great ad-lib during one of my routines then couldn't remember what it was after the show but the next 2 times I performed I remembered it during the show and got a laugh again but I STILL can't remember what it is! I only remember it during the show. Isn't that odd?

George
John Breeds
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George

You really must advertise for a flux capacitor! Smile
And get another for me please whilst you're about it.

John
Simon Mandal
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Magic George: Thanks my friend - I see from your face book profile that you are also a stand up. very cool.

Thanks for adding me on Facebook - you seem like a fun guy.
I'll let you know next time I'm in the UK.

Keeblem (and anyone who is interested) There are two methods I use to keep all my material fresh in my mind (and more importantly evolving).

What I do is keep all my jokes in a text file.
I put the file on my kindle every time I change the file at all.

If I time I will read the file on my kindle.

If I am going from show to show I will have the kindle read me the file using it's text to speech engine.

I like this technique so much that I bought a second kindle to leave in the car.

Having the joke read allows me to experience the jokes as an audience member.

Because the text goes by fast, I can listen to 1.5 hours of material in 20 minutes.

I often have ideas for improvements in wording, etc when using this method.

I just write down the changes and put them in the file.

It has EVERY line in my show, plus EVERY joke I have for different situations.
I only keep things in there that always get a laugh from an all ages audience, and fit my character.

This is a small percentage of the lines I write, but that is true for any comic.

The other thing that I do now is I video tape ALL of my shows.

If you are good at improv, these methods will refine your "one time hilarious jokes" into reliable parts of your act.

It is a good idea to check out books of jokes, etc.
But I wouldn't really use them word for word.
Just examine why they are funny.
It is usually because of the structure, the attitude, or both.

Learn as much as you can about structures and attitudes that work for your character.
I still recommend writing ALL of your own jokes.

It's sometimes very tempting to use hilarious lines that don't fit your character.

John Breeds: I'll go 50 / 50 with you on a used flux capacitor.
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