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The Magic Cafe Forum Index Ľ Ľ Now thatís funny! Ľ Ľ Monopoly Jokes... (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

SIX
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Can anyone think of some Monopoly board or gamepeice jokes?? I have a few ideas, one is when I look at the bored I say " Monopoly boards have some really expensive places and some really cheap places (Then I look around the theater I'm in)".

So if you have any ideas Thanks in advance.

SIX
thoughtsexplorer
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Elite... not D-Lite!
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Stereopoly?
Quadropoly?
Skip Way
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Just brainstorming here; don't blame me if these suck!

Have you seen the new updated version of Monopoly? Instead of hotels, Baltic Avenue now comes with plastic hookers.

There's a new political version, too! Instead of property, you buy and sell politicians! And if your party's in the White House, you get an instant "Get Out of Jail" Card!

There's a new pessimist version...every card reads, "Do Not Pass Go!"

Have you seen the new Monopoly games with the debit card instead of paper cash? VISA...It's every f***ing place!!!

Parker Bros. and Hasbro have announced that they can no longer manufacture Monopoly. Apparently, all the properties were bought by the Donald (Trump).

The new updated railroad cards now read, "Take a ride on the reading. The government has subsidized you for another year!"

Parker Bros. has come out with a new Democratic version of Monopoly...apparently, everyone just sits and passes money around the table.

Parker Bros. has come out with a new Democratic version of Monopoly...you simply send all your money to a monopoly-poor nation.

Parker Bros. has come out with a new Democratic version of Monopoly...everyone just sits around waiting for someone to hand them money.

They've also come out with a Republican version...Oh wait, that's just the Democratic version with an elephant on the cover.

Have you seen the new Hispanic version of Monopoly? Climb fence, collect $200.00!

Have you seen the new Washington D.C. version of Monopoly. Boardwalk has been replaced by The White House. Now, every time the pewter donkey approaches Go, it lifts it's leg. For expediency they moved Congress across from "Go"...you know...on the "Go To Jail" corner.

Parker Bros has come out with a new Soprano version of Monopoly. If you can't pay your rent, they send someone over to break your legs.

Parker Bros has come out with a new Soprano version of Monopoly. If you can't pay your rent, they bury your token in Free Parking.

Hope something here inspires you!
How you leave others feeling after an Experience with you becomes your Trademark.

Magic Youth Raleigh - RaleighMagicClub.org
Skip Way
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You're welcome.

:rolleyes:
How you leave others feeling after an Experience with you becomes your Trademark.

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God-glorified
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Skip Way these are great! Just to let you know that while you look good now, you would look even better trapped inside a box in my closet with a note pad and pen writing material for me. Not the life for some but its something to consider Smile
Ephes. 2:8-9



For by GRACE are ye saved through faith; and that NOT OF YOURSELVES: it is the gift of God: NOT OF WORKS, lest any man should boast.
Skip Way
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Quote:
On 2007-01-02 15:04, God-glorified wrote:
Skip Way these are great! Just to let you know that while you look good now, you would look even better trapped inside a box in my closet with a note pad and pen writing material for me. Not the life for some but its something to consider Smile


LOL! But, eventually I'd have to come out of the closet...and then what!!! Oh, wait. It worked for Ellen!! Let me thInk about it, GG!! Smile
How you leave others feeling after an Experience with you becomes your Trademark.

Magic Youth Raleigh - RaleighMagicClub.org
God-glorified
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HAHAHAHAHA Well anytime your ready my closets always open!! Maybe we can make a TV show out of it- "Skip and Grace"..............it has a ring to it! Smile
Ephes. 2:8-9



For by GRACE are ye saved through faith; and that NOT OF YOURSELVES: it is the gift of God: NOT OF WORKS, lest any man should boast.
BrianMillerMagic
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Haha Skip those were entertaining. It brings some ideas to my mind as well. SIX - do you perform a piece of magic related to Monopoly? Sounds like a good idea if you do; everyone knows Monopoly. I don't know why that never hit me.
SIX
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Hey guys, GREAT JOKES BY THE WAY!!!!!!!!

I just recently came up with a routine with monopoly, and I'm waiting for the arrival of everything I need to perfrom it. Once I can try it out, I will let you guys know how it go's!

SIX
davidbod
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Here's my Monopoly routine, which includes a few gags. See if you can guess how it's done!:

---
Now it may not have escaped your attention that itís American Independence Day today. Do we have any Americans in the audience tonight? (YES?) What I want to know is why you made such a fuss about tea in Boston, and now youíre filling the world with coffee shops?

Anyway, I digress. To continue tonightís American theme, I have here an American Monopoly board.

For the benefit of the Brits here tonight, what they call Broadwalk we call Mayfair. What they call Reading Railroad we call Kingís Cross. What they call Community Chest we call Abi Titmuss [or any other full-chested woman you care to name].

I asked someone to make a slightly larger version of that board so that you could all see (POINT TO LARGE MONOPOLY BOARD ON FLOOR). However, when measuring it out, he got feet and inches confused Ė which apparently men do a lot, am I right ladies? (LISTEN) I hear a lot of you nodding, there.

(PUT OUT THE BOARD)
First thing Ė we need dice. Now you may think that I might have special techniques to make the dice land on a certain number. And youíd be right. So Iím going to get all the rest of you to throw the dice.

(GET FOAM DIE) Ok, now a few health and safety things first. Please be gentle because I donít want anyone going out the door with one of these stuck in their head. Particularly as thatís soooo last seasonís look. Iím going to throw this at you and you can pass it between you as much as you like. When one of you gets the urge, knock it gently into the middle of the floor. (HAVE A PRACTICE RUN WITH ONE HALF)

Ok, now itís the turn of you lot. (GET OUT METAL DIE Ė PRETEND ITíS REALLY HEAVY) Now brace yourself. Not keen on that idea, huh? Okay, itís just as well I have another one here. Picky, picky, picky. (GET SECOND FOAM DIE) (SECOND TRIAL)
I need a petite volunteer. (PICK PETITE WOMAN Ė APPLAUSE CUE)
(PUT WOMAN ON GO)

[NAME], youíre going to be the playing piece. Everyone, you know what pieces are in a Monopoly set. Which one should ____ be? (EVERYONE PROBABLY SHOUTS "DOG", UNKINDLY). Through the medium of acting (STRIKE A POSE), youíre going to become a DOG (or whatever). Have a practice at it now. One very important thing Ė when we roll the dice, only go one square at a time until I tell you to move on, OK?
Before we continue, I need to make a prediction. (WRITE ON BACK OF ENVELOPE) (PUT ENVELOPE ON STAND) Iím now committed.

Finally, I need one more volunteer. (PICK A MAN Ė APPLAUSE, GET STAND WHILE HE COMES UP) Thanks for helping. Iíd like you to adopt the position of what Jordon will be like when she turns 60. (DEMO) (GIVE HIM CARD RACK, PICK OUT GO CARD)
Weíre ready to go. I think we have time for two turns so that everyone has a go with the dice. Iíll start here. Are you ready? (THROW ONE DIE TO EACH HALF)
So we have to move (X) spaces. (RESTRAIN WOMAN). Letís all count this together very slowly. Remember (WOMAN), you have to act as a [DOG]. (PICK OUT CARDS as woman steps onto each space). Thatís the end of throw 1.

Letís have another go. (ROLL DICE AGAIN) So we have to move (X) spaces. (RESTRAIN WOMAN). Remember (WOMAN), you have to act as a [DOG]. (PICK OUT CARDS as woman steps onto each space). Thatís the end of our final throw.
So weíve landed on _____. (THANK WOMAN, PUT A DIE ON THERE TO MARK IT)
(DO CHANCE CARD IF NECESSARY)
(UNDO PIN ON ENVELOPE)

Now you may remember before this whole madness started that I wrote something down in rather attractive block capitals on the back of this envelope. (GET MAN TO READ OUT LOUDLY WHATíS ON ENVELOPE)

Now you might think Iíve cheated that somehow, so I was trying to think of how I could prove that this was genuinely the spot Iíd predicted. In fact, I predicted this space before the show even began. (CAREFULLY TAKE OUT CARDS FROM ENVELOPE) (TAKE CARDS OFF VOLUNTEER) Let me relieve you of all those. (DUMP)

You see, thereís something else in this envelope. (TEAR BACK OF ENVELOPE AND POUR OUT MONEY) Now the space we landed on was worth £____. I wonder. (GET VOLUNTEER TO COUNT THE MONEY - IT MATCHES THE SPACE). APPLAUSE CUE.
RETURN VOLUNTEER TO SEAT
johnnyimpossible
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Omaha, Ne
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Very good. I like it. You have a great piece here. Make sure you finish this and perform it.
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