Hey, Valentine's day is just around the corner, so here's some of the worst of the worst#

# Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
# Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
# Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
# Do you have any raisins? No? How 'bout a date?

# Thought that I could love no other - that is until I met your brother.

# Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
# But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

# Of loving beauty you float with grace - if only you could hide your face

# Kind, intelligent, loving and hot - this describes everything you are not

# I want to feel your sweet embrace - but don't take that paper bag off of your face

# I love your smile, your face, and your eyes ***, I'm good at telling lies!

# My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life

# I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming

# My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way?

# My feelings for you no words can tell, except for maybe "go to hell"

# What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime

Are you a condom? Because I feel protected when I'm with you.

I'm calling the police! Why? Because you took my heart with you!

Are you a bicyle card? Because everytime I see you, I want to get my hands on you.

I really think you are beautiful..(insert more mushyness here).. you know, last time I went to a shrink, he said I am a congenital liar, but that's okay! I love you for who you are!

Is your father a thief? Because I want to know who stole the stars from the sky and stuck them in your eyes*gives a wink*

Pick a card....

Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

Your skin wouldn't be softer if I threw you in a damp hole, and repeatedly made you rub your body with lotion.

Care to bang the drum slowly?

I do search and rescue for a living and you look like yo might need to be saved...

Do you realize that you are going to guest star in all my fantasies forever?

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see...

Groan!!!!

I like the put downs better...a friend of mine had the best one ever at a bar in Tahoe...she said to the guy..."I already have one assh**le in my pants...I don't need another one."

Bang zoom zing.

How do you like your eggs?

"Get your Coat" ..........

Did it hurt? ... When you fell from heaven?

Would you hold it against me if I said you had a nice body?

Why don't you sit on my lap and we will talk about the first thing that comes up.

Are thoses real?

Nice shoes, wanna f**K?

From an episode in Taxi.
"Lets cut through the puleminaries and get married."

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Can I have a quarter? I'd promise my mom to call her when I found the woman of my dreams.

From Napolean Dynamite:
"I hope you are not drinking 1% milk because you think you are fat. You are not. You could drink whole milk if you wanted to."

In my 30's a friend introduced me to one of his young female staff, trying to be smooth I said,
"where have you been all my life? "
to which the young girl replied..
"half your life I haven't been here!"

touchee !
Howard

Nice day for weather.