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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Getting over someone??? (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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The Mac
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Inner circle
1966 Posts

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Since this board comprises of such a vast age range I was wondering if people would like to provide insight on how to get over someone and handle a break-up. there are lots of youngsters here who might benefit from advice of the more mature crowd...

Always
Mac
Eddie Garland
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Hells Kitchen, New York City
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Time heals Mac...give it time.
MagicSanta
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Northern Nevada
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Your 'first' is often the toughest as it may haunt you for years. I just ran into my high school girlfriend after not seeing her for 25 plus years. She was shocked I was fat and I was shocked she looked like a little troll. I still have fond memories of her. Just realize that the simple fact is you will, if you put in the effort (like go outside) find someone else who will likely make you wonder why you were worried about the break up before at all. Simple fact is you may not have been her cup of tea and lets face it, she doesn't have to keep you or anyone else around the same as you don't have to be around someone you decide isn't your cup of tea. I do have one request, and this goes for everyone, please do not be a problem for the girl. Too many guys become stalkers (without even realizing) or are bitter and mean to them or their future boyfriends or family. This isn't productive, can be extremely distressing for the woman, and is often illegal. Be a man, take your lumps, and move on.
cgscpa
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Ashton, MD
447 Posts

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I agree with Eddie and MagicSanta. Time, time and more time will eventually make the hurt lessen. Don't try to think you can "be friends". Maybe you can after you get over the breakup but not before. One of my college girls friends became a client after I ran into her years after we broke up.

I dated another girl for about four years before we broke up. After a year I ran into her and a lot had changed for both of us. We started dating again and we will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year and have two beautiful kids. I don't think it would have ever happened unless we had a total and complete break from each other.
Doug Higley
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V.I.P.
Here and There
7173 Posts

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Get another one.


And magicsanta is on the money...stalker types and trouble makers are just wimps feeling sorry for themselves. Is that you? If not, move on...get another one.
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Al Angello
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Eternal Order
Collegeville, Pa. USA
11047 Posts

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I spent 20 years with the wrong woman, then I spent 20 years with the right woman. The moral of the story is, the second time you will think with your big head.
Al Angello
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
Jim Poor
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Fairfax, VA
676 Posts

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Like the country & western song says " I got a brand new girlfriend..."
gaddy
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Agent of Chaos
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Find another date as soon as possible.

Dinner, movies- whatever. Something simple and fun. You're not trying to find "The Next One", you're just trying to enjoy the company of a nice member of the opposite sex. If you do, you'll not dwell on whoever you just broke up with, you'll be living in the moment, and living well!

Breaking up is tough, making it a clean break will help you move on as quickly as possible.
*due to The Magic Cafe's editorial policies, words on this site attributed to me cannot necessarily be held to be my own.*
Al Angello
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Eternal Order
Collegeville, Pa. USA
11047 Posts

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"I herd you telling someone
you're putting me out in the cold,
well it auint gonna be the first time
this old cowboy spent the night alone"
Marshall Tucker
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
MagicSanta
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Northern Nevada
5845 Posts

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Al, let us not forget another lyric from the same song:

But there's one thing in life
that ain't hard for me to do
and that's as soon as I kiss
the lips of another women
I'm gonna forget all about you
robert bianchi
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New Jersey
159 Posts

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I thank God every day that all of the realtionship break-ups and dissapointments in my past provided me with the freedom that allowed me to eventually meet my beautiful and wonderful wife!

Things generally work out for the best, so long as you do not dwell too long on the past failures, and keep your mind open for meeting someone better for you in the future, even if you do not feel this way now.

Good luck. Your situation is very common. How you handle it is the real question.
Margarette
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Memphis area
956 Posts

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I'm not going to give any advice on how I handled my break ups, just to say that in all seriousness, it took lots of therapy.

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
Andy the cardician
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A street named after my dad
3370 Posts

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It is never easy and it takes time. The only advice is that time will heal.
Cards never lie
rossmacrae
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Arlington, Virginia
2439 Posts

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Try to smile - there are a lot of undiscovered gems waiting to be found.

As for the one who ripped your heart out, as someone smarter than me said: "That man or woman you see who is so beautiful, rich, talented and charming that you would literally die for them — remember, somewhere out there is a person who is sick and tired of them."
Cinnamon
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Philippines
227 Posts

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I never had a break up before, nor do I plan to have one. I shall marry the one I'm with right now (okay, enough mushyness).

My friends who suffer from break-ups/ adjustment disorder often try to commit suicide. I dunno, maybe, it's the first thing that really enters one's mind when they get left by someone who they depend on heavily. I, personally, would be glad to help them on their suicide mission, however, most of the time, I just tell them to move on from one addiction, to the next.

One switched genders.
The other switched to having casual sex without ties.
The other practically got herself pregnant so she'd have someone to care for.

Anyway, I told them to make sure their next addiction would be beneficial. I guess, it is?

How to move on.
1. Avoid being a Type A-- socialize.
2. Finding someone new is hard. Every one knows that. however, there's no rush. you could keep things to yourself, and be unselfish to yourself first before you give yourself to someone the next time around.
3. My mom always told me not to give 100% to a relationship. I don't listen to her. But in some cases, I guess, it's enough tht you give 70% to it. In some, that is.
James Kernen
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Arizona
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Break ups can be a wonderful realization.... It may mean one or both persons finally are being honest....... It is the period of time before the break up that can cause damage......

The people who want to commit suicide over a break up only prove that the decision to break up was good... No one's life should be dependent on the co-dependency of another.... If you are not strong enough to survive on your own (because you want to), why should anyone love you or miss you when you are gone....
cardking
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Ottawa, Canada
138 Posts

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Try drowning yourself in some new music. Sometimes the music that we listened to and enjoyed tend to be music we shared with our ex's. Find some new music, I found a great album where the lyrics were mostly about moving on and whenever I was feeling down I would listen to this one album.
Jonathan Townsend
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Eternal Order
Ossining, NY
27106 Posts

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1) become aware of what you like about them. All the good things, make a list if you must.

2) become aware of the things you do not like about them (mismatches) Make a list if you must.

Now collapse each item on one list against an item on the other list.

Then go do something you enjoy for YOURSELF
...to all the coins I've dropped here
airship
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In my day, I have driven
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Remember that Happiness is a decision you make. If your happiness is dependent on anyone or anything other than yourself, you will never be happy. Other people will disappoint you. Possessions, health, and wealth can disappear overnight. You have to be happy within yourself. Then, miraculously, the other things follow.

And it helps to keep your sense of humor: "She done ripped out mah heart, and squashed that sucker flat..." Smile
'The central secret of conjuring is a manipulation of interest.' - Henry Hay
acmp
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Nottinghamshire
466 Posts

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Another vote for 'time is a great healer' It really does get better, you just have to know when to stop feeling sorry for your self and start to do things again.

This is a personal thing and no one answer is right, but there is good general advice in this thread. If you are having too hard a time handling things on your own, get help.

To have loved and lost is the hardest thing I have ever done. But marrying my wife more than made up for the previous pains of losing girlfriends.

I am a better person because of my experiences, I would not change a thing. I love my wife.
acmp<><

"Well if I had one wish in this god forsaken world, kids
It'd be that your mistakes would be your own"
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