I swear an impure oath on my "Compleat Invocation" that the following is a true and accurate account of today's MISSED OPPORTUNITY:

I stopped for lunch in a typical California shopping centre, where a nearby table had two people chatting about the terrible mishaps too-frequently occurring at the place. They talked about the place being HAUNTED, possibly even JINXED, and all because of an INDIAN BURIAL GROUND that had been DISTURBED in its construction...

[Note to non-locals: Few parts of California have NOT been used as Indian burial grounds over the last 35,000 years]

...and I WASN'T EVEN CARRYING A FRIGGIN' "HAUNTED KEY!!!!!!!!!!!"


"Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
the worst are these: 'It might have been.'"


Leland

But I'm sure you had access to paper napkins. Was there a salt shaker on the table, giving you access to that wonderful container PLUS the earth magic of salt. Where there's salt, you usually find pepper, that mysterious spice from India. You must have had a coin in your pocket to locate the "soft spot" in the table where silver sinks through it, pointing down to the burial grounds beneath you. No fork to make a tuning fork to listen for the spiritual "vibes"?

You were looking for a blasted magic prop instead of for an opportunity.

35,000 years, Leland? Hoo-eee!

Bill

The outdoor tables adjoining the market were utterly bare, lacking service ware of any sort. The "Coin Thru Table" as a Bizarre bit is something I'll consider.


Give or take a thousand, Bill -- ever since the Aleutian land bridge melted

Shameshameshameshame....
You should transport both a haunted key AND an Indian cemetery on you.

And how about the props carried in by the spectators? Quick! Does anyone have a safety pin? There's a ghost that's been following me around and I need to pin him down. If only I had a rubber band I could make a dream catcher. Anyone? Anyone?

Interesting is that it has been suggested recently that they come over by boat (!) rather than by land bridge. This might mean they came somewhat earlier than is commonly believed. Personally, I believe they came by balloon.

Bill

I believe you are referring to the 'Fairstar Theory', that states they come over on a giant cruise ship heading for Europe, but the captain was drunk and so they veered off course.

In relation to the topic, I always carry a spirit cabinet in my back pocket for just such an occasion.

Yes, I understand they came from somewhere around Sydney, if I am not mistaken. They, of course, spoke English, which is why we speak English here today. The earliest wave is indicated by the "outback point," a kind of stone arrowhead probably derived from the steak knife used in a particular restaurant chain. This point is sometimes confused with the "barbie point, " which is something else altogether. The latter is shorter and thicker with a fluted depression on one side, and is associated with a ritual doll. This doll, strangely, is blond-haired.

Bill

"As an aside, the ritual doll is not substantially different from the kachina of the Hopi. However, the doll we are discussing has been found in many early retail establishments, and due to the sound associated with the purchase of these dolls (found in the earliest cultures of the western coastal areas), they are commonly known among specialists in the field as "ka-ching" dolls. The shamanic makers of these ritual "ka-ching" dolls are reputed to have amassed considerable wealth by providing them for their clients, among whom were many female children."

(Reproduced with permission from the journal "Ethnographic Absurdities, April 1, 2006, which I just made up).

Bill

Dementia is a terrible thing to waste.

It's good to see you're not wasting it, then!

For what it's worth when I was the other type of magicianI always carried a thumbtip. Now that I have seen the light I go nowhere without, at least, my pendulum and a copper/silver coin, sometimes a haunted key. Weeks go by with me using any of them but they are there just on the off chsnce.....

Robin DeWitt

Leland, I apologize for hijacking the thread. Thanks, Kardor, for putting things back on track.

Bill

Bill, c'mon! How else would I have gotten the 411 on the TRUE origins of ancient Californians? Balloons. Huh. Who knew?

Well, if you really want to make good on this missed opportunity, you could stock yourself up on all the right props and then keep having lunch at the same time and at the same table until those women show up again -- then let 'em have it. Or ask the owner if he'd like to host an after-hours seance.