On 2007-03-27 10:38, Hagerman wrote:
This is meant purely for fun. I have done a lot of these.

You might be a bad magician if....

• "For my next trick.." is set as a macro on your word processor.
  
• you ask to borrow a half dollar from the audience.
  
• you perform silk to panties in you kid show.
  
• you hold the world record for the longest straight jacket escape.
  
• you ever say "the clean one."
  
• you preload your doves an hour before the show.
  
• you want to know where MagicDevlin got his costume.
  
• the manager of a restaurant lets you go home early and it's is your free/trial show.
  
• you store your appearing cane in your close-up case.
  
• your stage looks like a garage sale.
  
• you say you have a trapdoor on the stage but don't.
  
• the audience applauds every time your assistant comes on stage.
  
• your silks have the added texture of wrinkles.
  
• you show up for your performances right on time.
  
• you have this pompom connected to this pompom.
  
• you claim you are the world'd greatest magician.
  
• your performance was so moving, the audience moved to the exits.
  
• you like fancy dance moves like rocking from side to side when you talk.
  
• you are so impressed with your card manipulation, you have to watch it yourself.
  
• you need a ball of fire to shoot out of your head and fly over the audience to do a pass.
  
• you can never get to THREE!
  
• you ever have to say "he's just sleeping" about your dove.
  
• you have stopped the show because know one will volunteer for a trick.
  
• you do get a volunteer and he is the oldest person in the room, and you're doing headchopper.
  
• you've ever made an audience member bleed.
  
• someone claims your show is "interesting"
  

Anyone care to add more?

On 2007-03-27 10:38, Hagerman wrote:
This is meant purely for fun. I have done a lot of these.

You might be a bad magician if....

• you ask to borrow a half dollar from the audience. What's a half dollar?
  
• you perform silk to panties in you kid show. What's wrong with kids and underwear? Just ask Spongebob!
  
• you hold the world record for the longest straight jacket escape. No I do.
  
• you ever say "the clean one." Well, do you want the dirty one? Really.
  
• you preload your doves an hour before the show. I preload them a week before. In fact they never leave the sealed box I carry the trick in. (fake doves)
  
• you want to know where MagicDevlin got his costume. It did have merit.
  
• the manager of a restaurant lets you go home early and it's is your free/trial show. It's not your fault people don't see the humour in the magic ding dong.
  
• you store your appearing cane in your close-up case. Where else would I store it?
  
• your stage looks like a garage sale. Every can be sold for the right price.
  
• you say you have a trapdoor on the stage but don't. It's called misdirection.
  
• the audience applauds every time your assistant comes on stage. The great Thompsini comes to mind.
  
• your silks have the added texture of wrinkles. If texturing works on walls, then why not silks? Think outside the box.
  
• you show up for your performances right on time. Duh!
  
• you have this pompom connected to this pompom. Don't forget the other two!
  
• you claim you are the world'd greatest magician. Tell me different.
  
• your performance was so moving, the audience moved to the exits. That wasn't the performance. I have gastro problems.
  
• you like fancy dance moves like rocking from side to side when you talk. Can be hypnotic and used for misdirection. Some magicians already look like penguins so why not move like them?
  
• you are so impressed with your card manipulation, you have to watch it yourself. It's good to be appreciative of your art.
  
• you need a ball of fire to shoot out of your head and fly over the audience to do a pass. Again...misdirection.
  
• you can never get to THREE! I never finished a tootsie roll lollipop either.
  
• you ever have to say "he's just sleeping" about your dove. Doves often fly when someone goes to heaven. What happens when doves dye? (not cry...Prince already told us that one)
  
• you have stopped the show because know one will volunteer for a trick. Hey folks, I'm hear for you. It's your dime!
  
• you do get a volunteer and he is the oldest person in the room, and you're doing headchopper. Just in case something goes wrong. Haven't you seen those spike tricks movies?
  
• you've ever made an audience member bleed. Just shows it's really dangerous. More Dramatic.
  
• someone claims your show is "interesting" I'd rather be interesting than incongruous.
  

Anyone care to add more?

[*] the audience applauds every time your assistant comes on stage. Have you ever seen me in a g-string bikini?