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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » One-liner archive (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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TroyRoark
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Springfield IL
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I'm guessing there is an archive of these already. If not, lets start one, shall we? I'm talking real one-liners here. If the punchline ain't in the first line, it ain't a one-liner!

"Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the woods?"

"Did you hear what the mime said?"

Please add. Everyone needs more of these.
drkptrs1975
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North Eastern PA
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Don't eat glue.
cougar261084
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Buy the aldo colombini books
DoctorAmazo
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Florida
643 Posts

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Quote:
On 2007-04-19 04:34, cougar261084 wrote:
Buy the aldo colombini books


I don't get it. And I doubt it would be funny to a layman...
Eric Jones
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So a guy walks into a bar with a rabbi, a priest, a buddhist and a duck. The bartender looks at the group and says, "What's this, a joke?"
“We're two tigers away from an act in Vegas.” Greg House M.D.
<BR>
<BR>http://www.ericjonesmagic.com
nucinud
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New York, New York
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Quote:
On 2007-04-20 19:50, Godhandz wrote:
So a guy walks into a bar with a rabbi, a priest, a buddhist and a duck. The bartender looks at the group and says, "What's this, a joke?"


Good one.
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.



Now U C It Now U Don't

Harry Mandel

www.mandelmagic.com
nucinud
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New York, New York
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Quote:
On 2007-04-19 09:39, DoctorAmazo wrote:
Quote:
On 2007-04-19 04:34, cougar261084 wrote:
Buy the aldo colombini books


I don't get it. And I doubt it would be funny to a layman...


On the contrary, Aldo's books are very funny.
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.



Now U C It Now U Don't

Harry Mandel

www.mandelmagic.com
Dannydoyle
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Eternal Order
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Quote:
On 2007-04-20 19:50, Godhandz wrote:
So a guy walks into a bar with a rabbi, a priest, a buddhist and a duck. The bartender looks at the group and says, "What's this, a joke?"


By definition not a one liner now is it?
Danny Doyle
<BR>Semper Occultus
<BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell
magicgeorge
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Belfast
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A guy walks into a bar with a rabbi, a priest, a buddhist and a duck and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?".

Is it a one-liner now?
Daniel Faith
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I have a huge list of true one liners I've been saving for many years.
Way to many to list them here.
Daniel Faith
TroyRoark
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Springfield IL
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Okay, how about like... oh I don't know... one of them?!
NJJ
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One liners are like crack.

Sure, you have one or two for fun but then you start collecting them. You start to steal from other performers to feed your habit. Then you can't imagine a time when you tried other types of comedy.
Rupert Bair
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Quote:
On 2007-04-19 09:39, DoctorAmazo wrote:
Quote:
On 2007-04-19 04:34, cougar261084 wrote:
Buy the aldo colombini books


I don't get it. And I doubt it would be funny to a layman...


Ha!
Cranial Fermentator
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Not original, think I read this in a joke book when I was nine, and it stuck in my mind:

"I used to manage a one-man band...until the group broke up."
RC4MAG
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Quote:
On 2007-04-23 15:32, Daniel Faith wrote:
I have a huge list of true one liners I've been saving for many years.
Way to many to list them here.


And you are telling us this...why?
merlin5150
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To a spectator who didn't follow directions, "I think I drove behind you once!"
Jeff
pghdude80
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Pittsburgh
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Here are a few of my favorites...most of these have been circulating for years (some of them are antiques):

43% of all statistics are worthless!

I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter!

I have this nagging feeling that everyone in the world is out to make me paranoid!

Borrow money from a pessimist, they never expect to be repaid.

And my personal favorite:

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!
TroyRoark
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Springfield IL
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And this thread had so much potential! Smile
Salby
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I started out with nothing.... I still have most of it.
You know how to make God laugh?........... Tell him your plans!!!
nboisen
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What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

Hmmm... this is getting way too serious...
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