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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » One-liner archive (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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JimbosMagic
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Inner circle
1334 Posts

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Why ......do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Why . .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
Bob Sanders
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Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
20498 Posts

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The rabies tag is the best looking part of that dog.
Bob Sanders

Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz

AmazedWiz@Yahoo.com
MrGreggy
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Loyal user
213 Posts

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I use this at the beginning of my show:

Please raise your hand if you're not here.
joseph
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Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17042 Posts

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The teacher's eyes were crossed because she couldn't control her pupils...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
jazzy snazzy
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Inner circle
run off by a mob of Villagers wielding
2108 Posts

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A few for the geezers, coots, codgers and curmudgeons:

I'm so old that when I eat out, I have to pay up front.

I'm so old I don't buy green bananas.

Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't get into my OWN pants.

I asked my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs.
She said "Depends".

I was always taught to respect my elders. Now I don't have anyone to respect.

Nowadays my friends compliment me on my new alligator shoes and I'm barefoot.

Nowadays “Getting lucky” means I found my car in the parking lot.

When I was younger I wanted a nice BMW.
Now I don't care about the W.
"The secret of life is to look good from a distance."
-Charles Schulz
jazzy snazzy
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Inner circle
run off by a mob of Villagers wielding
2108 Posts

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I'm so old, I don't remember if those were jokes or facts.
"The secret of life is to look good from a distance."
-Charles Schulz
Bob Sanders
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Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
20498 Posts

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I know the economy is bad. Today I received two pre-declined credit card applications.
Bob Sanders

Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz

AmazedWiz@Yahoo.com
joseph
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Eternal Order
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17042 Posts

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The doughnut shop closed..The owner got tired of the (w)hole business...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Urban_Magi
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Stress is when you wake up screamin, and realize you havent fallen asleep yet!
don't worry the answers are in the back of the book.
We do precision guesswork.
My life has an awsome cast, but I cant figure out the plot!
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but your abusing the privelage.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
If you cant be a good example, then you'll just have to be an excellent warning!

Heckler one liners
Earth is full... go home!!!
If I want your opinion Ill give it to you
I see you set aside a special time to humiliate yourself in public
Im already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
His antenna doesn't pick up all the stations
joseph
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17042 Posts

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Is that Oscar the grouch guy trash talkin again?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bob Sanders
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Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
20498 Posts

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Have I seen your picture anywhere except on milk cartons?
Bob Sanders

Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz

AmazedWiz@Yahoo.com
joseph
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Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17042 Posts

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Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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